Living in the land of no....otherwise known as Darth Mother the destroyer of all fun

There was a period of time when Keagan was around 2 or 3 where I felt like all I said was no-- ALL day long.  I remember telling Jeff one evening that I felt like Keagan and I were living in the land of no.  It was frustrating at times.  He was curious.  He was active.  He was in my office (I took him to work with me) which happened to be filled with all sorts of tempting items.  Unfortunately, he had also inherited my stubbornness.  Sigh.....

"Of Course I'm a good mother, he's still alive isn't he?"

"Yes I know I'm the meanest mom in the world.  They made me sign a contract before I could bring you home from the hospital."

Fast forward a little to when he was four.  He had a little friend over playing.  I was in the kitchen fixing them lunch when I heard these words come out of my sons mouth,  "OK.  You hold the back until I say go, then let go and push me."  I immediately zeroed in on the words "let go and push me." What were they doing?  I walked over to see them both  at the top of the stairs to the basement and Keagan was sitting in this big car that he had been given (Think Fred Flinstone-- it was a car that had a seat and you operated it by running your feet on the ground).  The car was perched at the top of the staircase, with Keagan's friend holding on to the back.  Of course, I immediately put a stop to this very bad idea.  Keagan looked at me with his little four year old face screwed up in a frown, arms crossed in front of his chest, and boldly announced,

"Mom, YOU are the destroyer of all my fun!"

Hmmmmm.  I pointed out the flaws in their little plan, namely-- if he HAD managed to make it all the way down the stairs without breaking his ever loving neck, what had he planned to do to avoid the STEEL support beam that ran ceiling to floor directly at the bottom of the stairs....  And then I promptly broke into laughter, because seriously, what four year comes up with a line like that?  Apparently mine.  After I got control of myself and stopped laughing, Keagan's friend looked at me and said, "So does this mean we can try it?"   Ummmmm, no.

Another time when he was angry at me he hummed the Darth Vador theme song from Star Wars all the way up to his bedroom.  Dum dum dum da  da dum da da dum.... Just call me Darth Mother...... The destroyer of all life and limb threatening fun in the world.

"That moment of panic when your child is babbling and you're not really listening so you say  'yeah' and then they get excited and disappear."

So, now I have a teenager and some days we are back to the land of no.   It's a bit harder now that he's older because I do have to let go a little bit.  And honestly, I'm still a little doubtful about his idea of fun.  For example, he likes to get together with friends and have "Paintball" and "airsoft" wars.  He comes home after these events proudly displaying various bruises all over his body.  Saying stuff like,  "You should have seen it mom when so and so popped out from behind a tree and nailed me."  Oh, yeah......hmmmm.... I'm not so sure I like so and so doing that.

I've earned my slight hesitancy over him wanting to do some of this stuff.  We have been through 5 bicycle helmets (and not because he's outgrown them) in the last 6 years, 2 front teeth, a bicycle (don't ask-- it involved a ramp, a hill, and some trees), and probably over 1000 boxes of bandaids.   Actually make that 6 helmets, I noticed his helmet the other day came back with a piece hanging off of it.

And now, he's got his learners permit.  Heaven help me!  I have joined the Moms and Dads White Knuckles Club.  I think this driving thing is going to give me heart failure.  I would seriously like to cancel my membership. Sigh...

Even though he's older, and I'm giving him more freedom, I'm not hanging up my title of Darth Mother just yet.  Somehow, even though I'm trying to say the word "no" less, I think the times when I do say it are more important.  This is his sophomore year in High School.  Very soon, he's going to be beyond the realm of the land of no.  It's up to me to teach and show him how to say no on his own.  The task is a little daunting.

It involves not backing down when I feel strongly about something-- even if it means I am seen as the bad guy.  It means helping him think logically about his decisions-- looking at the long term implications, not just the short term fun.  Sometimes it even means having some embarrassing conversations.

I am just holding on for the ride and praying for wisdom.

So if you are living in the land of no, take heart.  You are not the only one.  I have no amazing advice to give except to pray.  Pray for wisdom both for you and your child/ren.  Pray for protection over your child/ren. Pray for their school, teachers, friends.   I have a few good girlfriends who had the great idea to band together and pray for our families every Monday.  We do not get together to do it, but it gives me a great sense of peace to know that I am not doing this all on my own.  And of course, my amazing husband partners with me every step of the way.

Hope you are having a great day!  I'm now off to go clean my death star ;)  And if you are not a Star Wars fan, you won't get that reference.  I suggest you google it.