"You are free to chose but you are not free from the consequences of your choice."
I have to admit that I have a great love of fast cars. And driving fast. Especially of driving fast in a fast car. I am totally guilty. Normally, I drive an SUV. A Volvo SUV that screams safety, reliability, but definitely not speedy. Now Jeff's car is speedy. And yes, I'm typing this with a big old goofy smile on my face. When I drive Jeff's car I turn into a female Mario Andretti (or a better comparison maybe be Danika Patrick). Windows down, sunroof open, stereo blasting, and cornering the car like she's on rails ;) There is a reason that I drive the SUV most of the time (besides the fact that I'm hauling kids, groceries etc...)
Once upon a time....long, long, ago I owned a speedy little car. It wasn't a Lamborghini for sure, but it was small and bright blue and fast enough that I managed to get 4 speeding tickets in about a month's time. I might not have been given my last ticket if I hadn't opened up my mouth. The conversation went something like this:
Stern looking officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?
Me (with big cheesy grin on my face because I'm still thrilled with my car speed, and because I am now convinced that I was dropped repeatedly on my head while I was a child): Because I am looking so fly today in my car?
Officer: Ummm, no.
And it went downhill from there. A few weeks later, we received a notice in the mail from our insurance company informing us that although they would love to continue to provide coverage for Jeff, they would be dropping me from the policy like a hot rock. Thus began my two years of paying for high risk car insurance. .....
"Making bad decisions is part of life. Blaming others for your bad decisions is immature."
"We all make mistakes. We break our own rules and sometimes we make bad decisions. It's called life. The problem is most will blame everyone else for what happens to them. You have 100% control of only one thing in this life. Yourself."
Have you been following the story about the teens who broke into ex-NFL football player Brian Holloways house? I have. You see, this group of teens broke into his upstate NY house over the Labor Day weekend and had a party there. Not only did they break in-- they totally trashed his house, spraying graffiti everywhere, breaking windows, doors, urinating on carpets, putting holes in the ceiling and walls. They also stole some of his stuff. Now, while these little sweethearts were doing all of this, they were tweeting out "selfies" all over the internet. Nice.
Mr. Holloway, in an effort to find out who is responsible for the destruction of his home, took the already posted tweets & photos and put them on his own website, asking for help in identifying those involved.
And, heres the kicker, the parents of the GUILTY teens have contacted their lawyers to sue Mr. Holloway because his REPOSTING of the photos will affect the kids chances at attending colleges and participating in school sports programs.
WHAT? Are you kidding me? First of all, the kids were stupid enough to tweet the photos themselves, not to mention the lack of ethics it takes to break in and trash someone else's property. Secondly, if I had discovered that my son was involved, the least of his worries would be whether or not he could attend the college of his choice. It should affect his life. It's called consequences. This whole story just blows my mind.
"You can fail many times, but you're not a failure until you begin to blame somebody else."
"Break out of the excuse culture. Late? Forget? Didn't complete your work? Made a bad decision? Your fault. Take responsibility."
"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president."
"You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming someone else for your dysfunction."
I'm big on personal responsibility. I hate the blame game. If you spend your life blaming others for your circumstances you are basically relieving yourself of responsibility. You are essentially saying that you want all of the power and none of the responsibility. You do not want to be accountable for your decisions, especially the bad ones.
"You are ALWAYS responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel. Remember that."
"The price of greatness is responsibility." Winston Churchill
"If you want credit for your successes you have to take responsibility for your mistakes."
"The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have."
"Many people fail because they do not take responsibility for their actions."
"I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become."
Taking personal responsibility for your actions is a sign of wisdom and character. It's a trait that I am trying to ingrain in my son. Sometimes it feels like I am swimming upstream in this endeavor. I watch as we slowly erode the idea of accountability in our culture. It's never our fault. When a child fails a test, it's because the test was too hard, not the fact that they failed to study. When a team loses, it was because of bad calls from the refs, not the fact that the other team was simply better. Look at the rise of lawsuits in this country. There's no such things as accidents or straight up dumb decisions anymore. You decided to go against the rules and put your hands in the air on an amusement park ride, even though you were told that it was dangerous, and you lost a finger. Not your fault for your dumb decision, It's the person operating the ride, the ride manufacturer and on and on and on.
So I'm trying to teach my son these lessons about responsibility, accountability, consequences and integrity.
I'm trying to teach my son to be fiscally responsible. If you create a bill or a debt, you are responsible for it. Not me, not dad, not the government. YOU. It is important to pay all your bills. I do not want him to enslave himself financially due to bad fiscal decisions. Character is being willing to deny your self in the short term in order to do what's right for the long term. When you make a bad financial mistake or decision, have enough character to take accountability. I have made bad money decisions in the past and I take full responsibility for the consequences of those decisions.
I am trying to teach my son to take responsibility for the quality of his work. Do everything to the best of your ability. Work hard. Note that it takes practice to be good. You should have to EARN an A, not just be given one. I'm not paying you until the job is done right. Period. These are real life lessons. At your job you can't do poor work, complain all the time, show up late, not turn you work in on time, and then expect to get a big raise and a promotion just because you have been there for a long time. You want an opportunity to get ahead? Work hard. Do more than what is expected. Don't be the person who is always complaining-- be the person who sees the problem and comes up with a solution.
"Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It is not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period."
"Good character is holding yourself accountable."
I want my son to be responsible for his actions and accept the consequences. When he screws up, and he will, he needs to admit it. He needs to be willing to deal with the consequences of his actions. Don't point the finger at anyone else. You alone are responsible. Then, I want him to learn from his experience. To learn how to make better choices.
And lastly, I want my son to be a person of integrity. I believe that responsibility and integrity walk hand in hand.
"Integrity is choosing your thoughts and actions based upon values rather than personal gain."
"Success without integrity is failure."
"Your reputation and integrity are important. Follow through on what you say you are going to do. Your credibility can only be built over time, and it is built from the history of your words and actions."
"Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out." Proverbs 10:9
I want him to have the strength of character to make the right decisions. Integrity means that you deal honestly with others. Don't try to get ahead by cheating. Winning means nothing if your integrity was compromised in the process. You may think you're beating the system when in fact you're losing your integrity. Make sure that the things you say and the things you do are in alignment. Keep your promises. Be trustworthy.
I know that my son is still learning. I'm still learning. I pray that I'll be able to instill the character strengths of personal responsibility and integrity in him. I hope these core values guide him all his life.
It sure hurt (in my pocketbook at least) to have to pay the extra costs of my higher insurance. But I did it. I alone had created the issue and I had to suck it up and pay the consequences. It meant I had less "fun" money in my pocket. But that's part of taking responsibility.
And I still love fast cars. And I'll admit to being a bit of a gearhead at times. So I'll leave you with a few photos from a car show we went to a few years ago. Yum! Come to Mamma!
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