I will if you will

"A friend is someone you call when you need bail money... but your best friend is sitting there right beside you saying, The party's not over until the mugshots are taken."

"Looking at a friend and saying, I will if you will."

I am very blessed to have great friends in my life.  Some I've had for a long time and some I have just recently met.  But all are precious to me.  Of course, I always think back to some of the funniest stories.

I remember one year when my friend Deb invited me to tag along with her on a cruise.  She was a travel agent at the time and could bring someone with her on one of her training trips for a small fee.  Her husband couldn't go so she invited me.  Now, for the most part, Deb had training classes when we were in port , so I went out and wondered around on my own.  But one day, when we were docked at Grand Cayman, I talked Deb into doing a two person submarine tour.  You see, the true beauty of Grand Cayman lies under the water.  Deb and the water were not friends at the time, so I thought this would be a good way for her to see how spectacular the sealife was around the island.  Oh, did I mention that Deb's also just a wee bit claustrophobic?

Anyway, we get to our meeting point and they inform us that we have to take a little boat out to the place where they launch the sub.  (Did I mention that Deb also gets a little bit sea sick at times?)   I get "the look" from Deb, but bless her, she climbs in the boat anyway and joins me.  We get out to this platform they have built in the ocean and I get my first glimpse of the submarine.  It's really small.  Like really, really, small.  I start sneaking looks at Deb to try and see if she's ready to kill me yet.   Then they say the words that no woman wants to hear coming out of any man's mouth,  "We have to weigh you so we can make sure we properly balance the submarine."  WHAT????  They do realize that we have been on a cruise all week, eating our merry little hearts out, don't they?  Ok...so we make it past that and begin to go through the safety features.  At this point, Deb is seriously staring at the sub and starts asking questions like,  "It's totally water proof right?  It will not leak, right?  How long will be in that thing?"

Sorry the only photos I have are in one of the scrapbooks.  Sorry for the poor photo quality.  I'm not sure if Deb is smiling in a happy way or an I'm going to kill you way ;)

I'm starting to think that if we make it through this, she's going to seriously consider smothering me in my sleep.  I just look at her and smile sheepishly, all the time saying encouraging things like this will be fun, I promise.  In my head I'm frantically praying, Dear Lord, please, please, please let this be fun.   They continue explaining that there will be a diver going down with us and he will drive the sub from behind while explaining through a microphone what we are seeing.  We will be able to communicate with him the whole time.

We finally get in and get settled.  They close the lid.  Deb starts pouring her ice from her cup into her mouth, crunching the ice furiously.  They begin to lower us in the water, and the lower we get into the water, the wilder Deb's eyes get.  So, I start saying things like, "It's fine.  This is going to be fun, I promise.  See, we're ok.  No leaks."  When we finally saw our first fish, she began to relax and have fun and she quit giving me the looks of "I can't believe you talked me into this." It was a great way to see the reef.  I even got to drive the sub using a remote control device.  We had a blast!  And, I still giggle a little when I think of Deb's face when we started to go under.  I think she even laughs at it now.  I hope she does.

I have many other fond and funny memories made with friends over the years.

Dana-- remember  Mark's mustang + Mountain Dew + airborne  --- hehehe.  Sorry about your car Mark.

Donna- remember pizza hut + your moms car + the Highline canal?   It's funny now, right?

Scott-  remember the water fight on the church roof?

David- remember sad Thursday?

Steve & Karen-  remember hiking up in Steamboat and seeing the bear?

Rlife group- Remember Jeff and the kids zipline?

Oh I could go on and on.  But I won't.  I'm so grateful for the laughter we have shared with good friends.

"As you navigate through the rest of your life be open to collaboration. Other people's ideas are often better than your own.  Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you.  Spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life."

"There are amazingly, wonderful people in all walks of life;  some familiar to us and others not.  Stretch yourself and really get to know people.  People are in many ways one of our greatest treasures."

"A fabulous friendship multiplies the good in life."

I know I couldn't make it through life without my friends.  I am extremely grateful for the friendships I have had throughout the years.  So today, I just want to take some time and to say thank you to everyone I call friend.  You have been a blessing to me through the good and bad times. I am praying that you will all have lives rich in blessings and laughter!  And I hope I'm there with you to celebrate (and laugh at) it all!

If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough

"If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough."  Mario Andretti

"You are free to chose but you are not free from the consequences of your choice."

I have to admit that I have a great love of fast cars.  And driving fast.  Especially of driving fast in a fast car.  I am totally guilty.  Normally, I drive an SUV.  A Volvo SUV that screams safety, reliability, but definitely not speedy.  Now Jeff's car is speedy.  And yes, I'm typing this with a big old goofy smile on my face.  When I drive Jeff's car I turn into a female Mario Andretti (or a better comparison maybe be Danika Patrick).  Windows down, sunroof open, stereo blasting, and cornering the car like she's on rails ;)  There is a reason that I drive the SUV most of the time (besides the fact that I'm hauling kids, groceries etc...)

Once upon a time....long, long, ago I owned a speedy little car.  It wasn't a Lamborghini for sure, but it was small and bright blue and fast enough that I managed to get 4 speeding tickets in about a month's time.  I might not have been given my last ticket if I hadn't opened up my mouth.  The conversation went something like this:

Stern looking officer:  Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?

Me (with big cheesy grin on my face because I'm still thrilled with my car speed, and because I am now convinced that I was dropped repeatedly on my head while I was a child):    Because I am looking so fly today in my car?

Officer:  Ummm, no.

And it went downhill from there.  A few weeks later, we received a notice in the mail from our insurance company informing us that although they would love to continue to provide coverage for Jeff, they would be dropping me from the policy like a hot rock.  Thus began my two years of paying for high risk car insurance. .....

"Making bad decisions is part of life.  Blaming others for your bad decisions is immature."

"We all make mistakes.  We break our own rules and sometimes we make bad decisions.  It's called life.  The problem is most will blame everyone else for what happens to them.  You have 100% control of only one thing in this life.  Yourself."

Have you been following the story about the teens who broke into  ex-NFL football player Brian Holloways house?  I have.  You see, this group of teens broke into his upstate NY house over the Labor Day weekend and had a party there.  Not only did they break in-- they totally trashed his house, spraying graffiti everywhere, breaking windows, doors, urinating on carpets, putting holes in the ceiling and walls.  They also stole some of his stuff.  Now, while these little sweethearts were doing all of this, they were tweeting out "selfies" all over the internet.  Nice.

Mr. Holloway, in an effort to find out who is responsible for the destruction of his home, took the already posted tweets & photos and put them on his own website, asking for help in identifying those involved.

And, heres the kicker, the parents of the GUILTY teens have contacted their lawyers to sue Mr. Holloway because his REPOSTING of the photos will affect the kids chances at attending colleges and participating in school sports programs.

WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  First of all, the kids were stupid enough to tweet the photos themselves, not to mention the lack of ethics it takes to break in and trash someone else's property.  Secondly, if I had discovered that my son was involved, the least of his worries would be whether or not he could attend the college of his choice.  It should affect his life.  It's called consequences. This whole story just blows my mind.

"You can fail many times, but you're not a failure until you begin to blame somebody else."

"Break out of the excuse culture.  Late?  Forget?  Didn't complete your work? Made a bad decision?   Your fault.  Take responsibility."

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.  You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president."

"You are responsible for your life.  You can't keep blaming someone else for your dysfunction."

I'm big on personal responsibility.  I hate the blame game.  If you spend your life blaming others for your circumstances you are basically relieving yourself of responsibility.  You are essentially saying that you want all of the power and none of the responsibility.  You do not want to be accountable for your decisions, especially the bad ones.

"You are ALWAYS responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel. Remember that."

"The price of greatness is responsibility."  Winston Churchill

"If you want credit for your successes you have to take responsibility for your mistakes."

"The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have."

"Many people fail because they do not take responsibility for their actions."

"I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become."

Taking personal responsibility for your actions is a sign of wisdom and character.  It's a trait that I am trying to ingrain in my son.  Sometimes it feels like I am swimming upstream in this endeavor.  I watch as we slowly erode the idea of accountability in our culture.  It's never our fault.  When a child fails a test, it's because the test was too hard, not the fact that they failed to study.  When a team loses, it was because of bad calls from the refs, not the fact that the other team was simply better.  Look at the rise of lawsuits in this country.  There's no such things as accidents or straight up dumb decisions anymore.  You decided to go against the rules and put your hands in the air on an amusement park ride, even though you were told that it was dangerous, and you lost a finger.  Not your fault for your dumb decision,   It's the person operating the ride, the ride manufacturer and on and on and on.

So I'm trying to teach my son these lessons about responsibility, accountability, consequences and integrity.

I'm trying to teach my son to be fiscally responsible.  If you create a bill or a debt, you are responsible for it.  Not me, not dad, not the government.  YOU.  It is important to pay all your bills. I do not want him to enslave himself financially due to bad fiscal decisions.  Character is being willing to deny your self in the short term in order to do what's right for the long term.  When you make a bad financial mistake or decision, have enough character to take accountability.  I have  made bad money decisions in the past and I take full responsibility for the consequences of those decisions.

I am trying to teach my son to take responsibility for the quality of his work.   Do everything to the best of your ability.  Work hard.  Note that it takes practice to be good.  You should have to EARN an A, not just be given one.  I'm not paying you until the job is done right.  Period.  These are real life lessons.  At your job you can't do poor work, complain all the time, show up late, not turn you work in on time, and then expect to get a big raise and a promotion just because you have been there for a long time.  You want an opportunity to get ahead?  Work hard.  Do more than what is expected.  Don't be the person who is always complaining-- be the person who sees the problem and comes up with a solution.

"Everything you do is based on the choices you make.  It is not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame.  You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make.  Period."

"Good character is holding yourself accountable."

I want my son to be responsible for his actions and accept the consequences.  When he screws up, and he will,  he needs to admit it.  He needs to be willing to deal with the consequences of his  actions.  Don't point the finger at anyone else.  You alone are responsible.  Then, I want him to learn from his experience.  To learn how to make better choices.

And lastly, I want my son to be a person of integrity.  I believe that responsibility and integrity walk hand in hand.

"Integrity is choosing your thoughts and actions based upon values rather than personal gain."

"Success without integrity is failure."

"Your reputation and integrity are important.  Follow through on what you say you are going to do. Your credibility can only be built over time, and it is built from the history of your words and actions."

"Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out."  Proverbs 10:9

I want him to have the strength of character to make the right decisions.  Integrity means that you deal honestly with others.  Don't try to get ahead by cheating.  Winning means nothing if your integrity was compromised in the process.  You may think you're beating the system when in fact you're losing your integrity.  Make sure that the things you say and the things you do are in alignment.  Keep your promises.  Be trustworthy.

I know that my son is still learning.  I'm still learning.  I pray that I'll be able to instill the character strengths of personal responsibility and integrity in him.  I hope these core values guide him all his life.

It sure hurt (in my pocketbook at least) to have to pay the extra costs of my higher insurance.  But I did it.  I alone had created the issue and I had to suck it up and pay the consequences.  It meant I had less "fun" money in my pocket.  But that's part of taking responsibility.

And I still love fast cars.  And I'll admit to being a bit of a gearhead at times. So I'll leave you with a few photos from a car show we went to a few years ago.    Yum!  Come to Mamma!

I lost my heart to the ocean

"I lost my heart to the ocean and with it a piece of my soul."

"The sea, once it casts it's spell, holds one in its net of wonder."  Jacques Coustea

North Shore, Oahu

*** I warn you, this blog is picture heavy because I am missing the ocean today ***
I love the ocean.  It is my happy place. The rhythm of the waves lapping against the shore.  The smell.  The breeze.  It all calms me.  Just sitting here thinking about it has slowed down my pulse and breathing.  I can feel myself relaxing.  I love the feeling I get when I'm out snorkeling and I can't hear anything but the sounds of the waves.  Sometimes you can hear the crackling sounds some of the shrimp make with their claws.  I've even heard the sound of dolphins  communicating to each other as they fed near the bay where I was snorkeling. Often, it just the peaceful sound of nothing but water.

"The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imaginations, and brings eternal joy to the soul."

Three Tables, North Shore, Oahu

Maui

"Life is like the ocean, vast and unknown.  To discover what's out there, try taking a step in, and wading out into the water."

"There is another whole world just beneath the surface of a wave."

The ocean teaches me a lot about life. Here are just a few musings of what I have learned from the ocean.  And just so you know, Jeff took most of the underwater photos (I took a few).  I took most of the above water ones.

The minute I step into the ocean with my snorkel gear life starts to slow down.  In order to be comfortable, you've got to slow down your breathing.  You've got to relax your body and float.  In a way, you've got to trust that your body can float and won't just automatically sink.  

Me snorkeling in Tortola

Just like in life when you sometimes need to take a breath and trust  God.  You've got to trust that even though you might feel the waves,  He won't let you sink.  

I've learned through snorkeling to be calm and patient.  If you are out there flailing around, you will miss the beauty all around you.  The fish will hide.  If you are swimming too fast, you will fail to see the details.  Take time to stop and really look for the beauty around you.

Nudibranch, Sunset beach, Oahu

Christmas Tree Worms, Tortola

Queen Angelfish, Biscayne, Florida

Grand Cayman Reef

"I don't want to not live because of my fear of what could happen"  Laird Hamilton

"Make sure you worst enemy is not living between your own ears."  Laird hamilton

"Once you've made the decision, then you jump.  And you jump with faith."  by, you guessed it, Laird Hamilton

Surfers in Maui

My son and I watched the documentary about big wave surfing entitled "Riding Giants" the other night.  It follows some of the great big wave surfers like Greg Noll, Jeff Clark, Buzz Kerbox, Dave Kalama, Laird Hamilton and many more.  Now these guys are surfing down the 60 foot face of some of the biggest waves out there.  It's a little crazy what they do.  But, I learned something from them about living.  Sometimes in life we miss some of our greatest opportunities because we let fear overwhelm us.

I've learned to face some of my fears through my experiences in the water.  I'm a control freak, but you can't control the ocean.  So, I've had to decide whether or not I was going to let fear keep me from going out and doing something I really enjoyed.  I've even faced my fear of sharks by going into a cage out in the middle of the ocean surrounded by them.  

Galapagos Sharks, North Shore, Oahu

I fell in love and have now done it 3 times.  They really are amazing creatures!  Don't get me wrong, I have a healthy respect for them, just not the fear that I used to have.    

"You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf."

Keagan and Jeff surfing North Shore, Oahu

There will always be waves in life, some bigger than others.  You can drown under those waves or you can decide to ride them out on top.  It may take you a little while to catch your balance, but if you learn to stand up, you will find that the waves are much easier to bear.  You might even have a little fun while surfing.

"Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away."

Virginia 

Blowhole, Maui

Cabo San Lucas

Along with learning to surf, you need perseverance.  There are times when you need to hold on with dogged determination.  Maybe you need to hold on to your marriage.  Maybe you need to hold onto your kids.  Maybe you just need the strength to hold on to your faith, even if it's with your fingernails.  Keep at it.  Don't stop. Just like the ocean, keep meeting the shoreline with firmness of purpose.

Friendship is important.

Castaway Cay, Bahama's

Tortola

St. Croix

Biscayne, Florida

Now, I wouldn't call  fish schooling together friendships per say, but they do help each other out.  You see, when they stick together, it makes it more confusing for the predator to single out one fish.  The same principle applies to life.  By gathering with friends it gives you strength to stand together against your enemy.  Friendships keep you from being out there all alone.  They provide encouragement, advice, and help to strengthen you.

"Life is like the ocean.  It can be calm and still or rough and rigid, but in the end it is always beautiful."

So, I leave you with some more photos of my favorite teacher, the ocean.  Hope your day is filled with peaceful ocean dreaming!

Sunset, North Shore

Stingrays, Grand Cayman

Spotted Eel, Maui

Sunset, North Shore, Oahu

Dolphins close to shore, Maui

Sea Turtle, Barbados

Antigua

Jeff and Keagan enjoying the water in St. Lucia

Me, following the trail to a secluded snorkeling spot in Maui

Sunset, North Shore, Oahu

St. Thomas

Tortola

Tortola

squid in Tortola

Sunset, North Shore, Oahu

crab in Puerto Rico

Keagan driving the catamaran in St. Martin

boxfish, St. Kitts

Keagan Paddleboarding at Three tables, Oahu

Humpback whales, Cabo San Lucas

Sailing in Antigua

St. Kitts

Biscayne, Florida

Snowflake Eel, Waimea Bay, Oahu

Sea Kayaking in Biscayne, Florida

Sunset Lanikai, Oahu

Biscayne, Florida

Eel, Waimea Bay, Oahu

Keagan paddleboarding in Lanikai, Oahu

Sea Turtle, Sunset Beach, Oahu