"With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being here for us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of Life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death."
Romans 8:1-2 the Message
I was recently watching an interview with Momastery founder and author of "Carry On Warrior", Glennon Doyle Melton and she related a story that reached out and hit me between the eyes. Now, you have to realize that she is completely open about her "mess." Really, she has bravely put it all out there, battles with addiction, depression, and more. And she's honest about how the freedom and forgiveness she found in Jesus has transformed her life. Anyway, she is talking about how she received a review of her book from a person, and that person expressed disbelief that Glennon didn't express more remorse over her having an abortion. I believe what was was said was, "How can she have so little shame about her abortion?" Her response is one that hit me. She said that when she read the Bible, and it said that even though she was a person who screwed up the first part of her life, that God forgave her and could use her, and use all of her mess for good, she believed it.
Which brings me back up to the scriptures written above. They were written by Paul-- a man who truly had a grasp on God's forgiveness and what it meant for him, and for others. And yes, Paul was one of the greatest influences in the early church. He is responsible for a large chunk of the books found in the New Testament. But Paul, was at one point known as Saul-- a man who enacted great violence on those who followed Christ. He was a murderer of Christians. Men and women. He had no pity on them. Surely, he should express and carry great shame. Surely he could not be used to promote the church with his background. Yes, his name was changed, but people still knew who he was. What he had done in the past. All the horrible details of it.
And, his shame could have kept him from stepping out and doing anything. He could have spent the rest of his life ducking his head, carrying a great burden. But, you see, Paul truly grasped what Jesus had done for him. He believed what God said. He believed it when Jesus told him he was forgiven, and not only forgiven, but that he was going to be greatly used to share the words of Jesus. And I have yet to find an account where he tried to sanitize his past. In fact, I think the power of his testimony lay in the mess of his past life. He didn't let his "mess" immobilize him and he didn't try to hide it or put on pretense because of it.
So, what do you believe? Do you really believe in forgiveness, grace, redemption? Really? Do you really believe in the freedom from shame and sin? Or, do you think that, even once we are forgiven, we should walk around carrying the burden of shame?
There's a second part to this Paul story that I want to point out. It's found in Acts 9:26-28. It's the account of when Paul, after being forgiven and transformed, tried to join the disciples.
"Back in Jerusalem he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him. They didn't trust him. Then Barnabas took him under his wing. He introduced him to the apostles and stood up for him, told them how Saul had seen and spoken to the Master on the Damascus Road, and how in Damascus itself he had laid his life on the line with his bold preaching in Jesus name. After that he was accepted as one of them."
Now, I can't say that I don't understand the disciples reaction just a little bit. I mean really, Saul's reputation was scary. But here's what I want you to see. Barnabas believed as well. Barnabas believed in Jesus' ability to forgive and transform Paul. Not only did he take Paul under his wing-- it says he introduced him to the others. I don't believe that when Barnabas introduced Paul, that he did it meekly, or with some shame of who Paul was. It says he stood up for Paul.
I personally am tired of churches where everyone walks in with a mask. I'm tired of sanitized church. A place where the ugliness and messiness of life is not acknowledged or allowed. It's not real. It doesn't allow others to be real. It's about recognizing the real life mess that we all bring in. You shouldn't have to sanitize your story. You shouldn't have to wear a mask. You should be able to stand, in the middle of your messy life, and praise God for the forgiveness, grace, and renewal that He is doing/has done in your life. You should be able to walk in your faith without dragging this big load of shame and guilt behind you. Following Christ means freedom from that baggage. What attracted people to Christ is the fact that he never denied the messiness of life. In fact, he met them, right in the middle of their mess, and brought them a freedom that no one else could.
If you are out there, buried under what seems to be a mountain of shame and guilt, I am telling you to hand it over to the one who can remove the mountain. Give it to God. Let Him bring you freedom. Messiness doesn't scare God. He knows you-- the real you--the you beneath all of the dirt and clutter. And He calls you beloved. Even if the only thing you can do is throw up one hand and cry help, He will hear you. Let him take your hand and lift you out of the rubble. And then, when you are free, do not let anyone burden you by throwing the rubble back onto your shoulders. Believe that God can and will forgive you. Believe that God can and will use you, and your mess, for good.
My goal is to always remember with great joy that forgiveness, grace, and freedom from shame is the real gift that Jesus brought into this world. And I am going to practice being Paul and Barnabas. I am going to practice living with and believing in that gift, and then I am also going to practice being a "Barnabas" to those around me. I am going to practice being real. Being authentic. And being free.
I'll leave you with a few sunrise photos from the other day.
"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike, 'What's next, Papa?' Gods spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are." Romans 8:15-16 the Message
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