Letting Go ... The Complex Dance of Parenthood

Music plays a big role in our house.  We are a house of music lovers, and our tastes are wide and diverse.  I often put on music when I'm cooking dinner, and sometimes this turns into mini dance parties.  I remember the times when Keagan was little and I would stop what I was doing and pick him up and dance around with him.  As he got older,  he would place his little feet on top of mine and off we would go.....laughing and singing....Good memories.

And I would compare this art of parenthood as a complex dance, a dance of slowly letting go.  It starts from the minute you bring a baby home.  You immediately start on the letting go process by letting your baby self sooth sometimes.  Or, letting them fall asleep on their own without being held.  And it progresses to letting them become more and more independent as they start to become mobile. All of this is an important step in their development, but it requires us as parents to relinquish our hold on them, more and more.

This complex dance requires you, as a parent, to listen for the rhythms that tell you how fast or slow to let go.  Sometimes, you are picking your child up and showing that child how to do the dance of life in your arms.  Sometimes you are letting your children stand on top of your feet so that they can follow your footsteps.

And then there are times when you have to let them lead the dance.  This is often the most painful part.  They will often step painfully on your toes.  And sometimes you will step painfully on theirs.

Sometimes they will want to dance to a different rhythm.  Those times when you are wanting them to Waltz and instead they want to do the Quick Step. In your effort to slow them down and in their effort to speed you up, you may find yourself doing a sort of funny Foxtrot mixture of slow and quick steps.

The dance of Letting Go will sometimes leave you exhausted.  You will find yourself winded due to the change in rhythm, the complexity of the steps, and the general length of the dance.  At other times, the times when you feel like the dance was done in perfect synchronized elegance, you will feel elated and proud.

But the main goal of this dance still remains the same.  You are preparing your young one to eventually dance with other partners.  You slowly abdicate your role as sole dance partner.  And you worry.  Did I teach my child to listen to the right rhythm?  Did I teach my child to take the lead in his or her own dance of life?  Does my child have enough knowledge about the different styles of dance? Are they a good dancer?

What is interesting about this dance called parenthood is that throughout your child's life, they will come back to you to learn how to do a different dance step.  This dance of Letting Go is also a dance of recurring dance lessons.

And the best part, is that if you manage to get through the first part of the Letting God dance, at some point you will once again be selected by your child as their dance partner, only this time, they may be leading the dance.  There's nothing more beautiful than when your child willing chooses you as their partner for a dance.

So don't give up if your dance is a little chaotic right now.  Dancing well takes practice, lots of it.  And it's okay if you sometimes get the steps messed up, or somehow get off rhythm.  When those times happen, take a water break, breathe, and then jump right back in.  Even if you do not think your child is listening to you, even if you are doubtful that your child will ever be able to dance, let alone, take the lead.  This thing called muscle memory is amazing.  This particular muscle will involve the brain-- plant deep seeds of dance knowledge there, and at  the most amazing times, your child will remember it.

"Train up a child in the way he should go;  even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

So, I would say to myself and to you, keep up the dance, don't stop!  It's important!  And don't forget to sometimes just lose yourself in the dance-- take the time to enjoy it.  The art of dancing well is to truly give yourself to the rhythm and beauty of the movement, to be fully in the moment, to synchronize with another in shared joy.  Teach your children the slow dances, show them that there is beauty there.  Teach them the fast, joyous dances and show them the laughter that is there. Teach them that it is ok to sometimes mix the steps together to create a new and unique dance, there is contentment to be found in creativity.  And, when they mess up, when the trip or stumble, or step on their partners toes, teach them to stop, take a breath, and start the dance again.  In the end, the dance you create with your child will be unique.  Teach them to the best of your ability and let them go, so that they can lead their own dance.

I'll leave you with a few fall photo's from around my house.  Right now, I am enjoying the way the leaves dance in the wind as they fall to the ground.