´e Tutto Buono... It's All Good: You've got a Friend in me

When Keagan was little, the movie Toy Story came out. We all loved this movie, but Keagan especially loved the theme song, You've Got a Friend in Me by the great Randy Newman. He would go around singing this song to the top of his little lungs. I loved watching him throw his little head back with abandon and a big smile on his face, with his little missing teeth, singing "you've got a friend in me." We had a set of Disney music cd's that we would play in the car and Keagan would always say, mom, play that friend song again. I wish I had recorded him singing this song.

Friendship.... that human connection point. It's magical. Jeff always says that I love to meet new people and make new friends. And it's true. I love that point when you connect with someone over a shared human experience. This video illustrates what I'm talking about.

I love this idea. You know what I find most fascinating about this? It's not that two people find a connection point-- anyone can do that at any time. It's that two people took a chance to sit in public in a random ball pit with people they did not know. They took the time to sit down and connect. Think about that. They had to actively seek connection. *Random thought alert* Maybe we need to place these ball pits up at the Capital and force our elected officials to sit in the pits together. Ok. Moving on...

Back to that actively seeking human connection thought. I think a craving for some kind of human connection is a universal one. It crosses cultures, languages, beliefs, etc... I think deep down, we all share this longing. So why do some people connect with others easily and often, while other people seem to never make connections? I think the key is in the word "actively."

Let's face it, relationships, in order to form and grow, require some sort of action on the part of the participants. You can't just sit there, do nothing, say nothing and expect a relationship to form. It doesn't work that way. Friendship is a verb. It takes action on your part.

"You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get people interested in you."

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."

So, how do you make connections with people? How do you build friendships? To me, this is instinctual, so when someone asked me that question I sat there stunned. My first reaction was to say, "You just do." But, that wasn't helpful. So I began to think about it. and let me just say now, that I don't believe that there are hard set rules for friendship. However, I do believe that there are actions that you can take that lead to friendship/human connection.

Be interested in other people. I find other people's life stories fascinating! Truly! Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, "I bet they have some interesting life stories." I have. And usually, I find a way to meet them and talk to them. So, be curious about other people. Ask them questions. Don't just sit there and go on and on about yourself. One of my favorite questions to ask people is "What do you do for fun?" You know why I like that question? Because the answer often shows me what they are passionate about. That question also brings joy to the person who answers it because they are remembering a good and joyful experience. It immediately forms a positive connection with that person.

People's life stories are amazing! I met a woman a couple of years ago who grew up in Berlin with the wall that divided that city. Of course I knew about the wall, in fact I remember President Reagan's speech where he told Gorbachev to "tear down that wall!" Although it's a powerful lesson in history, it was made more real to me when I listened to Helga describe what it was like growing up with that wall. We had some neighbors while in Denver who were from Ethiopia. They had the most beautiful children I have ever seen. A year after their daughter was born, we were invited to attend their daughters naming celebration. You see, in their culture, they didn't officially name their children until they were a year old, due to the high rate of infant mortality in their native country. I could go on and on about the amazing things I have learned from just simply taking the time to ask others about their lives.

Make time for other people. Relationships need time. Seek out ways to spend time together. And don't wait for other people to make the first move. I've heard many people comment about how they would like make friends with others, yet they are always waiting for someone else to make the first effort. Step up to the plate and initiate friendships. Invite people over for dinner. Remember, true relationships must be reciprocal. My deepest friendships are with those who I spend the most time with. A one sided friendship isn't a true friendship. And don't use the excuse of "I'm busy." Everyone is busy. We make time for what we value in life. Place value on your friendships by giving them the time they deserve.

"When you stop expecting people to be perfect you can like them for who they are."

"I don't have to agree with you to like and respect you."

I think the biggest misconception about friendship is that in order to be friends you must see eye to eye on everything. Gah! That's just so boring! And it's also an unachievable goal. You are NEVER, EVER, going to completely agree with someone 100% of the time. And, I've watched people drop great, deep, amazing friendships because they can't agree on one subject. Now, I know that there are sometimes relationships that are irreconcilable. But I think those time are very rare. I prefer to focus on the areas where we agree. On the things we have in common. I prefer to agree to disagree and move on. My life is too short, my time is to precious, to waste it on anger and disagreements. Believe me, I have friends who view life radically differently than I do. But do you know why our friendship lasts? It's because we have made a human connection at some time. And I value them both as a fellow human being and as a friend. They provide me with more than a one dimensional way to see the world. Their friendships enrich my life, challenge me, and in a weird way, help me to clearly define what I believe and why I believe it. There is value in that.

So today I challenge and encourage you to look for ways to form human connections with others. True human connection brings joy to your life.

I'll leave you today with the words to the song that my son loved when he was younger and a few photos of human connection moments. Enjoy!