A Blessed Walk in the Woods...Be Encouraged

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all;  he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken."  Psalm 34:17-20

I've been listening to the stories of those around me.  The heartbreaking, gut-wrenching stories of life that those I come into contact with share with great courage and great pain.  And I'll be the first to admit that I do not have all the answers for the hard questions you have.  Questions about why, and how, and when, and how long.  But I do know the one who does.

Do you need encouragement today?  Well, I'm going to ask you to join me for a different kind of blog. I'm going to ask you to join me as I take a walk through the woods around my house and read a few scriptures of encouragement and blessing.  Have hope!  God is for you!

"The Lord bless and keep you; The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;  the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-25

"For the Lord is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."  Psalm 84:11

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes;  its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."  Jeremiah 17:7-8

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;  but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40: 28-31

"Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out on religion?  Come to me.  Get away with me and you'll recover your life.  I'll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me --watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."  Matthew 11:28-30  the Message

"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;  may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.  May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion.  May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings.  May he give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed.  Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;  he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand."  Psalm 20:1-4, 6

"Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!  Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain."  1 Chronicles 4:10

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me;  he delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant;  their faces are never covered with shame.  This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;  he saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.  Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.  Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."  Psalm 34:4-8, 10

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."  Malachi 3:10

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you;  he will never leave you nor forsake you.  The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;  he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid;  do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31: 6 & 8

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  

Philippians 4:19

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,  though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.  There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.  God is within her, she will not fall;  God will help her at break of day.  Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us;  the God of Jacob is our fortress."  Psalm 46: 1-7

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus."  Romans 8:38-39

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you."  Jeremiah 29:11-14

"The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,  they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;  planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God.  They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, 'The Lord is upright;  he is my rock, and there is no wickedness in him."  Psalm 92:13-15

"You give abundant showers, O God;  you refreshed your weary inheritance. " Psalm 68:9

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens."  Psalm 68:19  

"The Lord redeems his servants;  no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him."  Psalm 34:22

I hope this "virtual" walk has left you feeling encouraged.  I'll leave you with one more word of encouragement today.

"Praise the Lord, O my soul;  all my inmost being praise his holy name.  Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits---who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,  who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.  He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:  The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.  He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;  he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;  as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.  As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;  for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. "  Psalm 103:1-14

1000 Things to be Grateful For… or Why Gratitude Matters

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."  Sarah Breathnach

Yup, you guessed it.  I have read yet another book that has inspired me.  This time it is "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  This beautifully written book follows her personal quest to find the key to the fullness of living.  It's a fantastic read and I encourage you to do so! During her journey, a friend challenges her to come up with a list of 1000 Gifts or things to be grateful for.  And this is where I picked up the title for this blog.

Hmmm… a list of 1000 things to be grateful for doesn't sound like that hard of a thing to come up with, until you actually try to do it.  You see, I think we can all readily come up with maybe 50 or more "big" things to be grateful for.  Things like I am grateful that I have a home to sleep in.  Stuff like that.  But, if you only look for and list the "big" items, it may take you several months, if not years to get to the 1000 mark.

And let's be honest, we have a bad habit of looking and focusing more on the "Big" bad things that are happening all around us.  I would venture to guess that we would have an easier time coming up with 1000 things that are unsatisfactory, unacceptable, deficient, and harmful in our lives and world.   All you would have to do to jot down that list would be to listened to the news, read the paper, or even peruse Facebook for one hour and your list would be fairly long.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not recommending the "put your head in the sand" approach to life.  We can't just ignore the "bad" stuff happening all around us.  However, I believe some of what is wrong with us has to do with our unwillingness to stop and recognize the gifts that God does endow upon us in everyday life.

"Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant -- a seed --this plants the giant miracle.  The miracle of eucharisteo, like the last supper, is in the eating of crumbs, the swallowing down one mouthful.  Do not disdain the small.  The whole of life -- even the hard -- is made up of minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole."  Ann Voskamp

"Th art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things."  Henry Beecher

"Something always comes to fill the empty places.  And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me.  This, this, makes me full."  Ann Voskamp

"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  Philippians 4:11 & 12

"A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work.  This too, I see, is from the hand of God."  Ecclesiastes 2: 24

So, the challenge to find 1000 things to be grateful for requires you to examine your life differently.  It requires you to look, really look, and be present in your day to day life.  This takes practice.  And, it may feel very awkward at first.  You see, we have gotten out of the habit of feeling wonder.  I'm not as eloquent in my descriptions as Ann Voskamp is but I'll share with you a few of my 1000 things  to be grateful for from my own personal list to help describe to you what this looks like.

1. The flickering on and off of the lightening bugs at night, creating a natural sort of "Christmas in July" feeling in the woods around my house.

2. Spiderwebs covered in dew on foggy mornings, just as the sun, that is desperately trying to break through the fog, hits them and lights up the small drops of moisture so that they sparkle like a million little diamonds strung across the branches.

3. The way my sons big, almost full-grown man hands,  now wrap around mine when we pray food blessings at dinner time.

4. The way my husbands eyes crinkle in the corners when he smiles at me.

You see, it really is the small things.  Oh, but what a big shift it causes in my whole day, this gratitude and acknowledgement of these small gifts from God.  These small prayers of thanksgiving make everything easier to bear.  I can bear the hard stuff, knowing that there is also good stuff happening all around me.  We need balance.  We need to be able to see the balance.  It is not good to be shifted all the way to one side or the other.  If you cannot see both the good and the bad you tend to be immobilized, unable to move.  If you see only the bad, you do not see the hope that is out there.  Hopelessness keeps us unbalanced.  Hopelessness tells us that there is no good, no mercy, no love from our God,  Hopelessness makes doubt the center of our thinking.  We may believe there is a  God, but we have no faith in his love for us.  

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4: 6 & 7 NIV

"Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."  Philippians 4: 6 & 7, the message

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious -- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not to curse."  Philippians 4:8, the Message

"The real problem of life--in my life-- is lack of thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks--take just the one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks--- and He miraculously makes it more than enough."  Ann Voskamp

In case you haven't already figured it out, nothing about us, as human beings, surprises God.  He knew that we would sometimes loose our balance.  That we would go off the track and run smack dab into the mountain of trouble that is out there in the world.  That we would forget to look for him in the everyday living of our lives. That's what Philippians 4 is all about.  It's all about how to find the balance we need in life.

God is not unaware.  He sends whispered "I love you" messages  to you through everyday, mundane, experiences.  Are you listening for them?  Or are you letting the shouts of all that is unsatisfactory around you drown them out?

So, really, besides us "feeling good" about the gifts that God gives, why does gratitude matter?  Here's why I think it matters.  In John it is stated that "they will know we are Christians by our love" and in Matthew that we are commanded to "Love they neighbor." However, have you ever tried to share  love when you don't feel loved?  Let me give you a hint-- you can't.  Not effectively.  Not in a way that draws people.

Gratitude is acknowledging God's love for you.  It is accepting the fact that God loves you so much that he is willing to give you better, more,  than what you deserve.  God's love is about abundance-- and I'm not talking about material abundance-- I'm talking about full-life abundance.  Abundance of joy, peace, and love.  So much abundance that it creates an overflow that you can't contain.  That you overflow with so much love, and joy, and peace that it can't help but spill out on those around you.  And then, others will be attracted to this God given abundance that is spilling out of your life.

And that, in my opinion, is the true secret gift of gratitude.  That is why gratitude matters.

If you are struggling to see or feel God's love for you, I encourage you today to begin your own list.  Retrain your eyes.  Form a habit of daily gratitude.  And believe me when I say, that even when things are hard, God's love is still there, waiting for you to discover it, in small daily whispered gifts.

I'll leave you with a few photos of simple gifts.  Have a great day!

Shut up and Listen

I have been reading some amazing books lately written by some just outright amazing women.  Women  who inspire me, challenge me, and encourage me.  They have all been thought provoking, but there is one that stands out to me right now.  It is a book entitled "Speak: How Your Story Can Change the World" by Nish Weiseth.

The premise is that sharing your story, even if it is a story of struggle, can be a powerful way to form meaningful relationship.  I encourage you to read it.  It is honest, and real, and sometimes gritty, and yet powerfully truthful.  It has challenged me to be straight up honest and truthful about my whole life, the messiness of it all, the goodness of it all, the painful, and the glorious.

But while the book has encouraged me to be bolder in telling my own story, in living my own life, that's not the most important lesson it taught me.  This book taught me the importance of silence.  It enforced the idea of shutting up and listening to others around me.  To really shut my pie hole (as the teenagers around me would say), and just listen.  Listen without judgement.  Listen without breaking in to give advice.  Listen without trying to fix the problem or find an easy solution.  To shut up!

And guess what?  This summer I have heard the most extraordinary, heartbreaking, amazing, and truthful stories from those around me.  Stories that I would have never known if I hadn't kept my mouth shut and just listened.  Stories that people often don't share.  I have cried with a fellow mom when she shared with me the problems she is having with her child, whom she had to send away, in order for that child to get the help that they needed.  Her story is full of guilt, pain, suffering, doubt, and feelings of failure and shame.  It is a story full of feeling rejected and judged as a mother, fear for her family and the impact of these decisions, hurt, and yes, even anger.  And yet, as this story has been unfolding in her life, I was going along, blissfully unaware of the trauma going on in that family.  All because I hadn't been bothered to sit down and make time to listen to her story.

I have listened as a young teenage girl has shared her story of  struggle with feeling love and acceptance from others, including family members, and including me.  Ouch!  Let me tell you, that was a painful thing to hear and understand.  And I would have gone on, unaware of this, if I hadn't taken the time to sit down and really listen to her story-- without prejudging what she was saying.  I had to sit down and be willing to listen without being defensive, setting aside my inclination to tear holes in  (what I perceive to be) inaccuracies in her story.  You see, to truly listen to her story I had to shed my perceptions and listen instead to how she perceived things, right or wrong.

There are too many stories to list in one blog.  But let me tell you this:  I have learned more from being silent and just listening, than I ever have from voicing my opinion and my action plan to solve the problem.

I will in all honesty tell you this is a hard thing to do, this listening thing.  You will want to judge.  You will want to solve the problem.  You will want to not even hear the whole story because sometimes it is just too painful. You will want to share your own version of this story.  You will want to defend your actions. You will want to point out all the ways in which this person is wrong.  You will want to interrupt.  You will, at times want to do anything but listen. I'm telling to listen anyway.  Shut your pie hole.  Put your hand over your mouth. Button your lip.  Zip your lips. Bite your tongue.

And listen with the intent of making a truthful connection.  Listen with the intent of gaining understanding.  Listen when it's hard.  Listen when it's easy.  Listen.

I promise you that you will not walk away the same person.  There will be a change.  You will often feel more compassion.  You will gain understanding.  You will gain connection.

And then, and only then, if it's appropriate, you may speak.  But make sure you are speaking with understanding.  Make sure you are speaking with compassion.

One of my favorite sounds in all the world is the sound of whales when they expel air while coming up to the surface of the water to take a breath.  Especially when the water is quiet and that is all you hear, their loud, long exhale.  I'll leave you with a photo of such an experience with a Humpback whale in Alaska.

A Change in Direction… Now Go North

"You've circled these hills long enough; now turn north."  Deuteronomy 2:2

Fall is here.  A change of season.  Facebook is filled with people talking about all the changes taking place in nature.  Some of us are excited for the change.  Some of us, not so much.  But, change is going to happen regardless of how we feel about it.

The above scripture caught my eye the other day as I was thinking about the changes happening around me.  I don't know about you, but I don't always look forward to change.  Change is sometimes hard.  It often requires me to leave my comfort zone.  Sometimes change requires me to head off in a new direction-- out into the unknown.

That's what was happening to the Israelites in this verse.  They had been wandering around in circles for 40 years.  40 years!  That's a long time.  Certainly long enough to get comfortable in the pattern of wandering.  I'm not saying that their wandering life was easy, but often times we are more comfortable with the known than the unknown.  So, we become somewhat content in wandering around in circles, taking in the same view, day after day.

So now, we've come to the direction in this verse-- "You have circled these hills long enough."  Maybe that is where you find yourself today.  You have gone round and round, circling the same mountain over and over again.  Maybe you have even heard God whisper, "Go north."  But instead of heading off, you find yourself at a standstill, worrying about taking that next step.  Afraid to even point one toe in a new direction.

It doesn't clearly state in the Bible whether or not the Israelites were afraid of this new direction, but I would imagine that they were.  This was new territory.  This land held the unknown.  I'm sure they worried about how this new movement north was going to affect them.  Would the people who lived in the land that they were about to cross accept them peacefully moving through their land?  What would those people think?  What day to day changes would this movement require of them?  Would they be able to do things the same way?  Or would they have to change how they carried out their day to day activities.  Can they do what God asked?  Or where they going to screw things up again?  Doubts.  Fear.  Worry.

"The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands.  He has watched over your journey through this vast desert.  Those forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything."  Deuteronomy 2:7

You see, God understood that there were probably many who had doubts, worry, and fear about this new direction, and this was his response.

So, if today you are finding yourself being asked to step out in a new direction, remember this:  God has been with you so far.  He has given you provision.  He has blessed you.  So don't be afraid to head North.  He will go before you.  He will walk beside you.  He will provide for you.  Don't miss the great and new opportunity that lies to the north because you are afraid of the unknown.

"But be assured today that the Lord your God is the one who goes across ahead of you like a devouring fire."  Deuteronomy 9:3

For me, 2014 has been a year of being challenged to be bolder in sharing God's love with those I come into contact with.  And while being bold, to be more loving in the way that I approach people.  I am being challenged to leave aside judgements and to just reach out in love.  To sit down and discuss topics in a loving way, not a judgmental way.  To be open to people whose ideas, thoughts, and beliefs differ vastly from mine.  To be willing to humble myself enough to learn from them and show them love in spite of what anyone else thinks.  To welcome honest dialog with those who may question my beliefs.  To be secure enough in the knowledge of who God is that I do not find these questions personally offensive.  To instead respond to them with God's love.  To take big, giant steps towards loving people in the way that Jesus loves them.

Man, oh man,  this process of heading north is sometimes hard.  The terrain is different and I find myself stumbling, not as sure footed as I use to be.  But, even when I stumble, God is there to pick me up, dust me off, and point me north.  My prayer for you is that you have the courage to "Now turn north," knowing that God is going before you, directing your paths.

I'll leave you with a few more photos of Alaska, simply because, for some unknown reason, I had that stupid song line "North, to Alaska" stuck in my head alllllll summer long.  Nothing else, just that one line in the song.  In fact, I can't even recall the rest of the song.  Whatever.

Sitting at the Kids Table

Did you ever experience while growing up a large dinner party where there were two tables?  One table was the adult table and one table was for the kids.    Now, I don't know about you, but as a kid, I always longed to sit at the adult table because that was where all the action was.  That was where all the good pieces of information was shared.  That's where the laughter lived.  That's where all the good stories were told.  And, usually, that table was where all the food was kept, and I am a great lover of food.  As I got older, I remember the special times when I would be invited up to the adult table to eat, much to envy of my younger cohorts.  It was like being invited into some sort of elite secret society, where the air and conversation was just somehow richer, more full.   But, you couldn't just show up at the adult table, you had to be invited.

"He takes in sinners and eats meals with them, treating them like old friends."
Luke 15:2  the message

I ran across this scripture the other day.  In truth, that's just a part of that particular verse,  and I've probably read it a multitude of times.  But this time, this line jumped off the page and straight into my heart.  You see, this is a line that the religious leaders of the day were saying in an attempt to slander Jesus.  Jesus was breaking the rules, the policy for that day, about who gets to sit and eat at which table.  In a way, it was like Jesus coming to the adults table at a family gathering and kicking adults off the adult table and replacing them with the children.  Or it can be compared to  Jesus coming to the family gathering and instead of eating at the adult table, walking over and sitting down with the children at their table.  It was just not done.

And to make matters worse, Jesus was enjoying the company of these "people", those who the religious elite avoided contact with.  Those people who didn't follow the "adult" rules and regulations about table manners.  Those people who didn't eat the right types of food.  Those who didn't drink the right kind of beverage. Those people who were loud, and opinionated, and lacked the  etiquette required for proper dinning.

"Jesus cared far more about people than policy."  Nish Weiseth

"He came to the outskirts of Jericho.  A blind man was sitting beside the road asking for handouts.  When he heard the rustle of the crowd, he asked what was going on.  They told him, Jesus the Nazarene is going by.  He yelled,  Jesus!  Son of David!  Mercy, have mercy on me!  Those ahead of Jesus told the man to shut up, but he only yelled all the louder, Son of David!  Mercy, have mercy on me!  Jesus stopped and ordered him to be brought over."  Luke 18: 35-40 the message

This story in Luke 18 further highlights the nature of Jesus.  While the people in the crowd were judging the blind man as unworthy of Jesus' time and effort, Jesus himself deemed him as valuable and worthy of his time and effort.  This beggar.  This nobody.  This man who was shunned and marginalized by those around him.  This one man caused Jesus to stop.

I love these pictures of Jesus.  He was kind of a rebel.  He didn't let the religious rules and cultural norms get in the way of loving people.  In fact, he turned all of those regulations and cultural norms on their heads and dismissed them as unimportant.

I love this rebel Jesus.  Why?  Because this is the Jesus who has come to me and invited me to sit with him at the adult table.  Me.  The one who is lacking in the proper etiquette department.  The one who is messy.  The one who often knocks over my glass, spilling my drink all over the table.  The one who  sits there at the table smiling with a piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth.  The one who dribbles my soup down the front of my shirt.  The one who sometimes talks with her mouth full.  Me.  The one who is unworthy.  And, not only does he sit with me, he treats me like an old friend, sharing stories, laughter, joy, sorrow, and food.  I am the blind person crying out "Have mercy!" and He is the one stopping to bring healing to my life.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39

I want my table to be like Jesus' table was.  Warm and welcoming to all.  This is my invitation to you join me at my table.  Just as you are. Don't believe the lie that your are not good enough to come.  Don't believe the lie that you are damaged goods.  Don't believe the lie that you are unworthy of  love.  Join me.  It will be an eclectic mix of different beliefs and walks of life.  Let's  share in spilled drinks, rich food, friendship, love, laughter, stories, joy and sorrow.  I am hoping that my table is one where Jesus stops by and joins in.

I am hoping and praying that not only will my table be filled, but  that your table be full as well. My challenge to you is to fill your tables up.  Don't allow there to be two tables in your life, one for the "adults/worthy people" and one for the "children/unworthy."  Be a rebel and make it one long table-- even if you have to put tables together, even if the table heights don't match, even if the tablecloths don't match.  Who cares?  Let your table be a welcome place for all.  Don't forget about the time in your life where you cried out "Have mercy!"  and Jesus stopped and called you forward to him and invited you to sit at His table.

And. most importantly,  don't forget to make room for Jesus at your table.

Challenge Accepted….Love is sometimes hard

If you've read my blog at all, you should know that one of my core values is the desire to show God's love to the people I come into contact with.  I view it as my most important job.  It is serious business to me.  And, this year I have been challenged in this area, greatly.  I mean, it's like someone looked at me and said challenge accepted.  And, to tell you the truth, I'm a little over it somedays.

This year a person was placed in my life that I, quite frankly, have had  a hard time loving.  In fact, it almost seems at times that this particular person is going out of their way to make themselves unloveable (or at least doing things that make me struggle to love them).  I have found myself frustrated, angry, and downright over it.

It has felt like this person has brought nothing but drama, chaos, deceit, disfunction, and disruption.  And a few weeks ago, after this person caused a family member some pretty dramatic emotional pain, I looked to God and said I give up.  I. AM. DONE.  This person, for me, is unloveable.  In fact, I don't really want to even try to love them anymore.   I am throwing in the towel and taking off the work gloves. Send them to someone else Lord, because I refuse to do this anymore.

And God quietly replied, NO.

And I, not so quietly or subtly, began to throw a version of 45 year old adult fit.  I mean seriously, didn't I have enough stuff going on in my day to day life without putting up with this person? I mean, I have truly tried to show God's love to everyone else I have contact with.  I have accepted that God has placed me where I am currently for a reason, and I am trying to fulfill the purpose He has laid out for me (even if somedays I struggle with that placement).  I strive to check off all the boxes, so to speak.  I have acknowledged that where God wants me is bigger and more important than my desire to be someplace else.  I have said the words, "I submit to your will.  I give it to you.  I surrender it all for you, God."  And I truly believe that God has honored me and my family, and blessed us, because of my willingness to say those things.  But really?  God, you couldn't just let this one slide?  Oh come on!  This challenge is too great for me.  No one could possible love this person the way you are asking me too.  NO. ONE.

And then God said, "I DO.  I love this person so much that I sent my one and only son as a sacrifice.  And it is important for this person to know that they have worth.  This is person is valuable to me.  This person needs to know that they are greatly, mightily, abundantly, and completely loved.  And it is your job to show this person how loved they are by Me.  This is your purpose.  This is one of the reasons you have been placed here.  And, you are right, you can't find love for this person on your own.  You need to let My love for this person shine through you, not your love."

"At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me?  Seven?  Jesus replied,  Seven!  Hardly.  Try seventy times seven."  Matthew 18:21-22

"If  I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, jump, and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.  If I gave everything I owned to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.  So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others.

Isn't always me first,

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end."

1 Corinthians 13:1-9  the message

"But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:  Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."  1 Corinthians 13:13  the message

Gah!!!!  I'll be honest here, my first reaction to all of this was not exactly great.  I believe I actually said the words, "Well, crap on toast.  This just sucks."  Because, quite honestly, I felt a  little justified in feeling the way I do about this person.  I didn't feel this way about this person without reason or cause.  I was clearly right, and this person is just so clearly wrong, on so many levels… I. CAN'T. EVEN…

But God can.  You see, it's not about me.  It's about God and his relationship with this person.  It's about this persons great need to know and experience God's love.  I'm merely the delivery system.  All I have to do is be willing to let God use me.  

And so, with great big sighs, and a little (or a lot) of grumbling, I have bent down and picked up my work towel and gloves.  I'm shifting my eyesight to try and see what God sees when He looks at this person.  I am not trying to channel my love to this person.  Instead, I am trying to show them God's love.  And it's hard.  Every day I have to get up and pray that God will help me show love to this person.  I pray that God will help me to love this person.  I am making the choice to love this person--not based on my feelings, but based on God's feelings for and about this person.  And I have to say, that there are some days now where this is getting a little easier to do.   Some.  It's not perfect, but I'll take it.

So, I will leave you with some photos of one of my favorite places on earth, Venice.  It's a city often associated with love.  Having been there, I understand why.  I'm in love with Venice myself, and I can't wait to go back.

Being a Parent is Expensive

Being a parent is expensive!  And yes, it does cost a lot of money (currently, we are living in  back to school land right now where every morning I open my wallet and hand out money by the fistful for fundraisers, school photos, extra curricular activities, parking permits, food, supplies, etc) but that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the emotional expense.  The time expense.  And the physical expense ( I believe that there have been days when my son has literally shaved off at least 10 years of my life, seriously).

Yes, parenting can be, and often is rewarding.  Yes, there are moments filled with great love and joy.  And yes, I'll even admit that being a parent is an enriching experience.  But, all this also comes at a price.  And we often don't talk about that in all our supportive mommy blogs, or church parenting groups, or even from the pulpit.

Well, be prepared, because I'm going to go ahead and rip the bandaid right off in this blog.  Being a parent is expensive.  When you become a parent, you make a promise to be responsible for another human being.  You are (or should be) committed to this person whom you've brought into your life, either through birth or adoption.    And let me tell you, this task you've taken on is HUGE!  As a parent you are responsible for the physical health, emotional well being, spiritual and moral guidance, and education of this person.  That's a lot to be responsible for.  And I worry, because really, am I the best one to teach this stuff?  Me?  This messed up, imperfect, human being?

When my son was little, most of my time was spent  trying to ensure that he didn't kill himself by doing things that might bring him physical harm.  Things like keeping him from dashing into the street in front of oncoming traffic, using a rope tied to the upper stair banister to lower himself down 3 stories to the awaiting floor below (and yes he did this, at age 4, sigh), making sure he always wore his helmet when on his bike, skateboard, scooter (he has managed to crack 3 helmets in the last 6 years alone).  You know the drill.

Things evolve into trying to help him like himself, but not too much.  Trying to teach him social norms.  Things like we do not belch loudly during daddies business meal in that fancy restaurant.  Or, we do not ask strangers questions like, "What do you wear to bed?"  Trying to teach him that manners matter, compassion matters, love matters, God matters, laughter matters, stealing is wrong, hitting is wrong, lying is wrong, and the list goes on.  Stressing the importance of learning and knowledge. All of that important life "stuff."

And now we find ourselves at a bridge as parents.  In just 2 years our child will be going off to college.  He will be mostly on his own.  We will not be there to whisper words of encouragement or guidance daily.  We are in transition as parents.  When  he was younger, most of the lessons had to do with compliance.  For example, for his safety, we needed him to comply with the rule of no handling knives without a parent or adult.  I didn't really give any thought about whether or not he felt in his heart that it was a rule worth following. It was a rule. Period.  But, as a teenager, I have become aware of a shift.  Now, I am no longer looking for just compliance.  I'm looking for a heart change.  I am hoping that we are instilling in him the desire to follow certain principles and precepts. Not because I (or someone else) said so, not out of simple compliance. But instead out of his understanding that this is a right or wrong issue--this is an integrity issue.  And I am hoping for that moment when his heart recognizes the right choice, and then, in recognizing the right path, willingly chooses and embraces it.

And it is in these moments where parenting becomes the most expensive.  These are the moments where you have the most invested.  And, when your child chooses the wrong path (and I  am telling you, that every child, will at one point in time,  choose the wrong path on a certain issue), these are the moments when you feel the expense the most.  Believe me parents, you will feel this withdrawal from your emotional bank account.  And sometimes, it will feel like you have been drained completely.  I have been there.

Well, you say, this is encouraging. And yes, I'm being sarcastic. But I'm also being truthful.  Parenting isn't always lollipops and roses.  However, I am telling you that there is help and hope.

Let's talk first about the help portion.  Here's where God steps in.  If you find yourself feeling drained, you have a source of wisdom and strength you can call on.  Call on God.  Cry out to him if need be.  Seek him.  Ask for wisdom.  Ask for guidance.  Bring your child before him in prayer.  If you are married-- don't carry this burden alone.  Make sure that you and your spouse do this together. And this is where your friends come in as well.  I'm talking about your very close friends.  The one or two, or 5 who have your back.  Ask them to help you.  Ask them to pray.  Share your story, because there is healing to be found when you can honestly talk to someone about your situation.  And, if you need it, don't be afraid to seek out expert help.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9

"So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you."  Isaiah 41:10

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul--not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the endurable and spills over into joy, thanking the father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."  Colossians 1:11  the message

"Patient persistance pierces through indifference; gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses."  Proverbs 25:15  the message

I have to laugh at that last scripture.  A few years ago my son had gotten into trouble, and on top of being grounded, I had him write down some scriptures pertaining to the issue at hand.  To say I was frustrated with him at the time doesn't come close to how I was feeling. I believe I had ended our conversation by saying something like, "I'm not even sure that you are listening to me and I'm so tired of dealing with this issue.  I'm not sure what to do. "  He dutifully wrote down all the scriptures I had asked him to look up, and then he added one more. Proverbs 25:15.  That last scripture I quoted.  When I read it later that night, my spirit  took flight.  My son, was telling me, through scripture, to not give up hope.  Hmmmmm, who was teaching who?  That was one of many moments when my soul whispered, "Yes, the expense is worth it, every bit of it."  And it has forever become one of my most cherished verses.

And there is hope parents.  There are many great, fantastic, amazing moments!   Don't get so busy looking for the bad that you forget to look at the good stuff.  If you need help, make a list.  List all of the good things about your child first.  My guess is that list is longer than the "hard/bad stuff."  Make sure you tell your child about the good stuff.  Let them know you see all areas of their life.  Encourage and praise them when they make good choices.  Let them know that your love for them isn't dependent on whether or not they make good or bad choices.  Encourage questions, even ones that make you uncomfortable, because you are communicating with each other, and that is good.  Make sure you are able to tell your child the "why" of what you believe.  If you never share the "why" part, they will never understand the value of that belief.  Learn to savor and enjoy the good moments.  As the Bible says, think on those things.

I'll end this blog with a  couple of thoughts.  I'm lucky.  I'm grateful.  I really do have an amazing, fantastic, awesome child! Although being a parent is expensive, I am gladly paying the price.  Well, let's be honest, most days I am gladly paying the price.  Some days I am seriously bemoaning my account deficit. But that's what being a parent requires.  That's the promise I made when I chose to become a mother.  And I'm hopeful that I will get to see the payout from my investment.   I'm already catching small returns on the investment.  And for today, that's enough.

I am well aware that there are parents out there who are struggling way more than I do.  Parents where the cost has been extraordinarily extravagant!  Those who are living out the prodigal son story daily.  And my heart goes out to you.  I am praying for you and your family.  And I hold on to hope for you, hope for an extravagant payoff one day.

I'll leave you with a photo of my greatest investment.  And yes, he is worth it.  Every moment.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,  plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you."  Jeremiah 29:11-13