Challenge Accepted….Love is sometimes hard

If you've read my blog at all, you should know that one of my core values is the desire to show God's love to the people I come into contact with.  I view it as my most important job.  It is serious business to me.  And, this year I have been challenged in this area, greatly.  I mean, it's like someone looked at me and said challenge accepted.  And, to tell you the truth, I'm a little over it somedays.

This year a person was placed in my life that I, quite frankly, have had  a hard time loving.  In fact, it almost seems at times that this particular person is going out of their way to make themselves unloveable (or at least doing things that make me struggle to love them).  I have found myself frustrated, angry, and downright over it.

It has felt like this person has brought nothing but drama, chaos, deceit, disfunction, and disruption.  And a few weeks ago, after this person caused a family member some pretty dramatic emotional pain, I looked to God and said I give up.  I. AM. DONE.  This person, for me, is unloveable.  In fact, I don't really want to even try to love them anymore.   I am throwing in the towel and taking off the work gloves. Send them to someone else Lord, because I refuse to do this anymore.

And God quietly replied, NO.

And I, not so quietly or subtly, began to throw a version of 45 year old adult fit.  I mean seriously, didn't I have enough stuff going on in my day to day life without putting up with this person? I mean, I have truly tried to show God's love to everyone else I have contact with.  I have accepted that God has placed me where I am currently for a reason, and I am trying to fulfill the purpose He has laid out for me (even if somedays I struggle with that placement).  I strive to check off all the boxes, so to speak.  I have acknowledged that where God wants me is bigger and more important than my desire to be someplace else.  I have said the words, "I submit to your will.  I give it to you.  I surrender it all for you, God."  And I truly believe that God has honored me and my family, and blessed us, because of my willingness to say those things.  But really?  God, you couldn't just let this one slide?  Oh come on!  This challenge is too great for me.  No one could possible love this person the way you are asking me too.  NO. ONE.

And then God said, "I DO.  I love this person so much that I sent my one and only son as a sacrifice.  And it is important for this person to know that they have worth.  This is person is valuable to me.  This person needs to know that they are greatly, mightily, abundantly, and completely loved.  And it is your job to show this person how loved they are by Me.  This is your purpose.  This is one of the reasons you have been placed here.  And, you are right, you can't find love for this person on your own.  You need to let My love for this person shine through you, not your love."

"At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me?  Seven?  Jesus replied,  Seven!  Hardly.  Try seventy times seven."  Matthew 18:21-22

"If  I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, jump, and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.  If I gave everything I owned to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.  So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others.

Isn't always me first,

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end."

1 Corinthians 13:1-9  the message

"But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:  Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."  1 Corinthians 13:13  the message

Gah!!!!  I'll be honest here, my first reaction to all of this was not exactly great.  I believe I actually said the words, "Well, crap on toast.  This just sucks."  Because, quite honestly, I felt a  little justified in feeling the way I do about this person.  I didn't feel this way about this person without reason or cause.  I was clearly right, and this person is just so clearly wrong, on so many levels… I. CAN'T. EVEN…

But God can.  You see, it's not about me.  It's about God and his relationship with this person.  It's about this persons great need to know and experience God's love.  I'm merely the delivery system.  All I have to do is be willing to let God use me.  

And so, with great big sighs, and a little (or a lot) of grumbling, I have bent down and picked up my work towel and gloves.  I'm shifting my eyesight to try and see what God sees when He looks at this person.  I am not trying to channel my love to this person.  Instead, I am trying to show them God's love.  And it's hard.  Every day I have to get up and pray that God will help me show love to this person.  I pray that God will help me to love this person.  I am making the choice to love this person--not based on my feelings, but based on God's feelings for and about this person.  And I have to say, that there are some days now where this is getting a little easier to do.   Some.  It's not perfect, but I'll take it.

So, I will leave you with some photos of one of my favorite places on earth, Venice.  It's a city often associated with love.  Having been there, I understand why.  I'm in love with Venice myself, and I can't wait to go back.