I think one of the most fascinating things about the Olympics is watching how these athletes react when they do not win a medal. You can see the emotions play out on their faces as they learn that they are not medaling in their event. Now, you have to remember that they have not only trained very hard to get to the Olympics, but they had to have WON their place. They had to prove that they were the best in their home country to earn the right to represent their country at the games. Up until the Olympics, they have been winning. You might say that they have been the big fish in a small pond (which could also be translated to being the top dog, so to speak). However, now they may find themselves to be one of the smaller fish. In fact, most Olympians go home without medals. Even after all the training, blood, sweat and tears that they have put into preparing for this moment.
Which brings me back around to the art of losing. I think in our country we certainly teach the art of winning, but sometimes we gloss over the art of losing. What do I mean? Well, have you ever heard these statements:
"The Ref's made bad calls, and that's why we lost the game." "The Ref's were biased against us." "That school has a lot more money to put into their program, that's why we can't compete with them." "Our uniforms slowed us down." "The judges don't like our school/team/coach/country."
"The other team cheated." etc... I could go on and on.
Very rarely do you hear someone say, "The other team/person was just better/more talented." Why don't we hear that statement more often? Here's a fact of life for you, no matter how good/talented/gifted you may be at something, there will be a point in time where you will run into someone who is better/more gifted/more talented than you are. In fact, there will be times in life when you will lose. It is going to happen.
I worry a little that sometimes, in the desire to build up the self esteem of our kids, we do them a dis-service. I believe there is great value in teaching our kids how to lose with grace. Don't get me wrong-- I'm a big cheerleader for my son. I encourage him to push himself, to do his best at everything he does. I'm excited when he wins. However, I also don't sugar coat things. If the other competitor was better, I don't look for excuses as to why my son didn't win.
I watch as professional adults throw hissy fits worthy of a two year old when they lose. I watch them throw equipment, cuss out people, and I worry. And it's not just happening in professional sports. I have seen grown business men and women do some of the same things when they lose. One of the biggest problems that some of my friends who work at Universities and colleges across this nation have is the fact that students come in expecting to get all A's all the time, and they can't believe it when they are handed their first D. In fact, there are many who have their PARENTS call the offices and argue that there was no way their child could have earned that grade. To which my reply is, don't you think it's time to cut the cord people? Really, these kids need to learn how to stand on their own.
I remember a time when Keagan had a little friend over and I sat down with them to play a game. After a few rounds, Keagan's friend looked at him and said, "My parents always let me win when I play games with them." Keagan's reply was, "Not in this house, you have to work to win here." At which point I practically fell off my chair laughing. Let me tell you, Keagan is a teenager now, and he has been winning games on his own merit for a while. But he doesn't go into games expecting to win everything. And hopefully, he has learned how to lose.
I want him to learn that it's ok if someone is better at something than you are. It doesn't take anything away from you, and who you are. And maybe, there is something you can learn from those who are more skilled than you. I want him to not put the blame on someone else. I also want him to understand that yes, sometimes things aren't fair. You can't always control that, but you can control how you react to unfair circumstances. Sometimes it is ok to protest the unfairness. Sometimes you just have to figure out how to deal with it. I want him to take a failure and use it to motivate him to do better next time. And one of our biggest rules about losing (or winning for that matter) is to leave it on the field/board etc.... No obsessing about it for hours on end. I also want him to be able to sort out when losing is a big deal and when it isn't. Losing at a board game, not a big deal. Even, dare I say it, losing a High School track event isn't a catastrophic life event (and I'm already preparing to duck the corn dogs that some of the parents may want to chuck at me. This comment is directed just at my son, it's not meant to offend anyone). Losing your job because you threw a temper tantrum? Now that's a big deal. Flunking out of college because you lacked the discipline to knuckle down and do the work. That's a big deal. Putting off spiritual decisions because you feel like you have all the time in the world to get things straight? That's a big deal. Causing a car accident because you were showing off? That's a big deal.
The way I see it, part of "wining" at life involves having good losing skills. Being able to lose and get back up on your feet and move on is valuable. So, with all that said, I hope you are enjoying watching the Olympics as much as I am regardless of whether our competitor wins or loses. I particularly like to watch the skiing and snowboarding events. So in honor of those events I'm going to post a couple photos of Keagan skiing.
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