I have other high expectations such as I expect him to show respect and be polite to his elders, I expect him to work hard at whatever he does, I expect him to be helpful, I expect him to be kind and show compassion to others, I expect him to be engaged passionately in life, I expect him to be successful (and by successful I mean healthy, happy, spiritually sound, and able to support himself in his given profession), I expect him to learn to make good decisions (even if they are hard ones), I expect him to be grateful, I expect him to treat the girls and women he comes across with respect, I expect him to have self respect, I expect him to use proper grammar, I expect him to never stop learning, I expect him to volunteer in his community, etc...
Yup, I have high expectations. And no, I don't apologize for them or think they are wrong, and here's why. My expectations are set in the firm belief that he can achieve every single one of those goals. Sometimes I take a look around and I think some of what we are missing in this world today is high expectations combined with a belief that we can succeed in reaching said expectations.
For example, I currently live in a state that usually ends up on the bottom of all of the "lists." Lists that gage health, education, happiness, career opportunities, etc…. This has been an interesting experience for me. You see, my home state, where I was born and lived for 38 years has consistently been ranked at the top of these lists. Let's be clear, there are many, many issues that contribute to the differences between these states, and I'm not suggesting that these "polls" always give an accurate picture of what's going on. However, that being said, I have noticed one big difference around expectation. You see, the state I'm living in has been at the so called bottom of these lists for so long that it's almost an expectation. If my home state came out ranked at the bottom of one of these lists, there would be resounding shock-- you see, they expect to be at the top.
I'm not suggesting my current state can change only by having higher expectations, but I do think it could contribute to a positive change taking place. You see, when you can visualize yourself accomplishing better and bigger goals, you change your mindset. The biggest battle we all face in life is the battle for our mind. A lot of outcomes are affected by how we think. If you don't believe that, just watch a sporting event. Although superior skill may win the game, the biggest asset a player has is the belief that he or she can play well. You can have all the skill in the world, but if you do not believe you can win, you won't. Sometimes it is as simple as this, you get out of life what you expect out of life. And I am not discounting that bad things happen. News flash, bad things happen to everyone. It's the belief and expectation that good things can and will happen that helps you rise and overcome the bad stuff.
So, what should you do when faced with low expectations? Set better, higher ones. Believe that you are more than just what people say about you. Know yourself. Take the time to honestly learn where your strengths and giftings are. Then set high, but reasonable expectations around these gifts. Believe that you can achieve these goals. Be open to the fact that the way in which you achieve these goals may be different from how you pictured it to be. Challenge yourself to strengthen and improve the areas where you are weak. Don't be content to settle in the realm of low expectations. Don't be afraid to set high expectations for yourself and your children, while remembering that setting high expectations always needs to be balanced on that thin edge between what's achievable and what is unreasonable.
So, I'm not letting some "poll" or "study" dictate my expectations for myself or my son. I'm setting high expectations. And my challenge to you is to do the same. Don't allow the low expectations of others set your goals. You can do better than that. And who knows, you may pull others around you up a level as well. Positive expectations are just as contagious as negative ones.
I'll leave you today with a picture of a replica of the statue of David by Michelangelo in the Palazzo della Signoria. We weren't allowed to take a photo of the real thing when we viewed it at the Accademia Gallery in Florence. Anyway, this statue has an interesting backstory. You see, first of all, some people considered the large block of marble that was used to carve the statue as a substandard piece of stone-- it had too many flaws in it to begin with. This particular piece of marble contains many microscopic holes that cause it to deteriorate faster than other marbles. It was also a huge, intimidating piece of stone-- which makes it hard to make a statue appear proportionately correct. (The completed statue weighs 6 tons). The actual statue was started by Agostino di Ducco who got as far as roughly shaping the legs and feet before he quit. Another artist, Antonia Rossellino was commissioned to finish the statue but he was quickly fired. Then, this big piece of bad marble that was, according to official transcripts, "badly blocked out" meaning badly started, sat in the yard of the cathedral workshop for 25 years.
Amazingly, this huge block of poor quality marble that had been partly (and badly) started came into contact with a 26 year old Michelangelo. And Michelangelo began to set high expectations for this statue. It took him 2 years to complete. When the statue was completed it was described by Vasari as "Surpassing all ancient and modern statues, whether Greek or Latin, that have ever existed." This statue has become one of the most recognized and celebrated works of Renaissance sculpture. All because one young, talented, gifted, and amazing artist saw an un-amazing, poor quality piece of marble, with a badly started design and decided to set a higher expectation for the piece.
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