Beautiful, Beautiful ~

These last two weeks I have just been overwhelmed with gratitude.  I'm sure some of it's just the season we are in, but I think a lot of it is just God moving in my heart in an amazing way.

I have been feeling so grateful that I am brought to tears, overwhelmed, with God's goodness in my life.  I am telling you, every time I even begin to think about it, I am just awed by what he has done in 2014.

If you had asked me a month ago if I would have been feeling this way about the year 2014, I probably would have replied that I am grateful that this year is almost over.  Now, don't get me wrong, it's not that I haven't been grateful, but only in smaller ways.  Not in this big, overwhelming, all-encompassing way that I am feeling now.

In some ways this year has been difficult.  Hard.  Maybe a little discouraging in some areas.  Not just for me, but for many of my friends and family as well.  I have been a little overwhelmed at times.  About halfway through the year I had one of those "grit my teeth" moments where I thought-- If we can just trudge through this year-- it will get better.  Experience has taught me that you can make it through, it just sometimes takes a lot of hard and messy work to so.

And so, that is where I found myself the other day while praying over issues and problems surrounding my life and the lives of those dear to me.  And the more I prayed, the more I felt a sense of sorrow.  And then I just stopped.  I just stopped and sat there and listened.  And this verse came to me:

"I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord;  be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:13-14

I will see.....I will see....  That's what it says.  Not I may see,  or once I'm in heaven I will see it.  Nope.  I WILL SEE.....in the land of the living..... That little verse began to worm its way around my brain and into my heart.  And I began to call out my thanks to God for the good I have seen, and the good I will see.  I started softly, slowly at first.  Unsure.  Hopeful, yet doubtful.  And slowly it built into shouts of praise and thanksgiving to a good and merciful God who works together all things for my good, for the good of my dear ones.

And now, even 2 weeks later, I can't even sit here and type this out without weeping tears of overwhelming gratitude and whispered sentences of praise.  And nothing in my messy life, nor my friends and families lives have changed yet.  it's still messy.  We are still facing hard issues.    And yet, everything has changed.

"Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder."  E.B. White

"Choose to be married to amazement."  Ann Voskamp

So, if you are finding  yourself in a "grit your teeth" moment, get ahold of this verse.  Repeat it.   I WILL SEE....... I WILL SEE........ I WILL SEE the GOODNESS of the LORD in the LAND of the LIVING.   In fact, turn it into a sort of prayer.  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  I am confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

And now, "Wait for the Lord;  be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  Don't give up.  Keep going.  Be grateful.  Look for it with expectancy.  Look for the goodness.  Be on the lookout.  Choose to be amazed.  It's there, and it's coming.

I hope you have a wonderful, joy-filled, grateful, memory making, Thanksgiving.

Words Have Power....

You all probably remember the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."  And I think that we all know that's not true.  Words have power.  They have the power to uplift.  They have the power to discourage.  They have the power to motivate.  They have the power to inspire change. They have the power to tear down and destroy one's spirit.

My son has recently experienced this with a teacher who repeatedly tells his class that they are dumb.  Often.  And as I listen to several of the students who are in the class describe how they feel when this happens, my heart breaks for them.  And I am reminded to watch what and how I say things.  To remember that my words have power... and that I never, ever, want to make someone feel torn down by my words.

I've done similar blogs like this before, but I am feeling like people need to desperately hear these words again.  So, with this thought in mind, I want to share with you some powerful words that I hope make you feel loved, uplifted, encouraged, and inspired!

"God doesn't love some future version of you, God loves you as you are right now."

"You are loved beyond measure.  Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely.  Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly.  Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely.  He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken."

"I have too many flaws to be perfect, but I have too many blessings to be ungrateful."

"We are all in need of mercy."  Dieter Uchtdorf

"A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset.  When you wake up, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy.  The moment we start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you it will start to feel like one."

"Unexpected intrusions of beauty.  This is what life is."

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."  Anne Frank

"Just be yourself.  Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful & magical person you are."

"I am an imperfect person loved by a perfect God."

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."  Psalm 4:8

"But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head."  Psalm 3:3

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming."  Helen Keller

"Broken crayons still color."

"Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo."

"Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder."  E.B. White

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one."  Mother Theresa

"You are not defined by your mistakes.  You are defined by God.  He loves you no matter what."

"I'm absolutely convinced that nothing-- nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable-- absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."  Romans 8:38 the Message

"I don't know your story but I can tell you God is faithful."

"But I trust in your unfailing love;  my heart rejoices in your salvation.  I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."  Psalm 13:5-6

"There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us."

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight."  Psalm 19:14

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;  the lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

Be encouraged this Thanksgiving.  If you find yourself feeling downcast, return to these words.  Let these words speak powerfully in your life.  And be grateful for powerful encouraging words.

You Can Do Hard Things... It's supposed to be hard

"We can do hard things."

I've been giving this quote some serious thought lately.  This quote is at once empowering and terrifying.  As I was pondering this quote and my reaction to it, I remembered a series of commercials for a certain office supply store that were centered around people in difficult situations simply hitting the "easy" button to solve the problem.

And doesn't  that longing for an "easy" button sum up parts of our current culture?  If there's an illness or disease-- we want a pill or medicine that will quickly take care of the problem.  The fact that there are many illness out there where this isn't the case (like Ebola) make us uneasy, fearful, and vulnerable. We long to win the lottery to solve all our financial problems.  We want our food fast and easy.  We want a raise at work without doing any more work.  We want our children to quickly come up with an answer instead of critically think about what the best solution would be. We want to lose weight now by taking a pill instead of actually doing the work to sweat it off.  I would say that our quest to make life "easy" is probably one of the driving forces in todays world.  And, I'm not knocking that quest entirely, because I just absolutely adore inventions and discoveries like electricity, gas heat, and google -- for they all make my life easier-- and I enjoy greatly their benefits.

However, the problem is that in our quest and desire for easy, we find ourselves shaken when things in life come along and remind us that life, in general, is not always easy.  In fact, often when we come up against the hard stuff, we become paralyzed because we don't think we can do hard.  We find ourselves discouraged.  It sometimes shakes the very foundations of our deepest held beliefs.  Sometimes we lash out in anger, believing that someone  has let us down (often that someone we blame is God).  We look for places to lay blame for this seemingly insurmountable wall that has suddenly arisen in our life.  We pace at the bottom of the wall, cursing (or at least grumbling) about this wall and it's placement-- unwilling or unable to search for harder solutions because we mistakenly believed that everything should be easy.

Well guess what?  I'm hear to tell you that there are times when it's not easy.  That life doesn't always revolve around easy solutions.  Life is not a flat, straight, perfectly smooth road.  It's bumpy.  It is full of potholes that jar your teeth every time you run over them.  There are times when the pavement ends and the way forward is on a steep, rocky, painful,  hard to conquer pathway.

Now I reach the point where you think I should tell you that this is where faith and belief in God comes in and takes care of all the hard things.  That it magically sweeps away all the hard in life and replaces it with nothing but a soft, fantastic, long-lasting summer of easy.  Hah!  I'm sorry, but that's just not true either.

"I thought faith would say, I'll take away the pain and discomfort, but what it ended up saying was, I'll sit with you in it."  Brene Brown

"Faith minus vulnerability and mystery is extremism.  Don't call it faith if there's no uncertainty.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do faith."  Brene Brown

I sometimes think that maybe we mis-sell the truth about faith in God.  Or, maybe not mis-sell, but instead over-sell one aspect and sweep the rest of the stuff under the rug.  I can tell you now that if you  come to faith in God looking for God to be your "easy" button for life-- removing all the hard stuff--you are going to be disappointed and disillusioned.  

Don't get me wrong, there are times when God does step in and take care of the "hard" stuff.  But not every time.  And I'm not hear to discuss the whys and why nots around when and how God makes the decisions around making hard stuff easy versus walking with you through hard stuff.  Truth be known, it is often a mystery to me, this whole question of why and why not.  I simply do not know.  Sometimes, I may harbor a secret guess as to the why or why not, but I do not always know with certainty.

Instead, here is what I do know.  I do know that my faith journey requires me to openly be vulnerable. To openly admit that I don't have all the answers.  To release pride and embrace humility.   To trust God with all the parts that feel vulnerable-- easily hurt--to trust that He will work all things together for my good.  Sometimes it feels like I am blindfolded, and I am desperately holding His hand, trusting him to safely guide me through the maze of life without letting me hit a wall.  And that level of trust, at least for me, is one of the hard things in life.

But here's the other piece of news.  You can do hard things.  Really, you can.  And often, the reward for doing those "hard things" is greater, sweeter, more fulfilling than if you had simply hit the "easy" button.  Hmmmmm... do you think that God knows this about us?  Do you think He understands that part of the deep value of the human experience is encased in this work of doing hard things?    He created us, knows everything about us.  You bet He knows this.  

It is often the "hard things" that teach us the greatest lessons.  And, even though I know that to be true intellectually,  emotionally my first instinct is to run away from the hard and look for the easy button.   To stand at the bottom of the wall, grumbling, instead of doing the hard work of climbing over the wall, so that I can learn the useful skill of climbing, so that next time I can move on faster.  

Finally, what I want you to understand about faith in God is this,  that even though you may be in the middle of a hard moment, God is there with you.    He is sitting by your side, quietly whispering, "You can do it.  You can do hard things.  I'm with you.  I'm here.  Trust me."

I'll leave you with one photo today from the walled city of Dubrovnik, Croatia.   These walls have withstood many "hard" moments.  They have endured invasion and earthquakes, the rise and fall of many leaders.   

I'm Grateful and I Am Not Apologizing For It

"When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance, and conceit, and egotism.  You walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your life."

"As we discover and practice the heartfelt language of gratitude, our native tongue of self-focused dissatisfaction begins to fade."

So I've noticed lately a whole "thing" where people are kind of shaming others for expressing gratitude.  You've probably seen the little quote about welcome to November where people who have complained all year long now start being thankful for one month.  At first I laughed, but then I thought, so what?  So what if they have been a negative Nancy all year long, and now they have turned into a positive Polly.  Isn't that a good thing?

In this time, when it seems like complaint, dissatisfaction, and groaning are the dominate nature of people, isn't gratitude expressed, of any kind, a bright light in the dark?  I think so.  So why are we so cynical when it comes to people expressing gratitude?  Why are we so disbelieving and leery of it?

"In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy."

"A beautiful day begins with a beautiful  mindset.  When you wake up, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive.  The moment we start acting like life is a blessing I assure you it will start to feel like one."

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full.  Be thankful that you have a glass and be grateful that there's something in it."

"Choose to see the world through grateful eyes.  It will never look the same way again."

"When life gets sour... sweeten it with gratitude."

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;  I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  John 10:10

In looking at Facebook posts, news stories, etc... it's obvious that we, as a society are lacking something, and I think that we are lacking gratitude.  I do not believe that God's plan for us is just "get by" in life.  I do not believe that God intended us to live joyless, unfulfilled lives.  That sounds more like the plan of one who would like to destroy all good things.  That's not God's character.  In Romans it says that God works all things together for good.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you can't weep or feel sad.  That's not it at all.  Believe me friends, I have weeped for, cried over, and have felt great sorrow for many events that have happened in my life.  I still do.  I'm not an advocate of the stiff upper lip thing.  At all.  But I do know that I can't just taste the bitterness of life.  I have to look for the sweetness.   The sweetness is what gives me hope.  The sweetness is what sustains me.  There are some days that I can only find one thing to be grateful for-- but when I find it-- I hold on to that sucker with clenched fists-- because I know that a full life includes all things.  A full life contains sorrow, joy, laughter, weeping, anger, hope, blessing, loss, love, smallness, and bigness.  But a truly full life, one lived to God's high standards, must also include a large dose of gratitude.

Here's the difference between gratitude and ingratitude.  Ingratitude is self focused.  Gratitude is God focused.  Ingratitude is always lacking.  Gratitude is full and overflowing.  Ingratitude involves blind comparison.  Gratitude involves shared joy.  Gratitude is the key to living a full, joyful, abundant life.

"Being grateful for what you have doesn't mean you have to resign thinking that anything could be better.  Grateful and complacent are two different words.  Being grateful while striving to improve will allow you to be happy every step of the way."

I'll be honest with you.  Somedays gratitude is easy for me.  And some days it's harder.  But everyone has those days and moments.  When I find myself having a pity party--I make myself stop right where I am and take a hard look around me to find something to be grateful for.  For me, gratitude brings life to my bones.  Here are a few personal examples:

Ingratitude says:  My mom has terminal cancer that is spreading throughout her body.
Gratitude says:  Although my mom has cancer, she is LIVING with cancer.  We are blessed to have her still with us on this earth.  Many others have not had this privilege. Thank you God for the extra time spent with my mom.  The earth is a better place because she is still on it.

Ingratitude says:  My 16 year old son is driving me to an early grave with his antics.
Gratitude says:  I still have my 16 year old son.  At this point in their life, my in-laws had already buried their 15 year old son.  I have the privilege to laugh with, hug on, worry over, yell at, and love on my son.  Thank you God for the time I get to spend with my son-- for the joy and blessings he brings to my life and the lives of others.

Ingratitude says:  I am living far away from my family and home state.
Gratitude says:  My husband is employed.  We are very well provided for.  I have gained an amazing array of new friends who I consider family.  Thank you God for adding friends and provision to my life.

Ingratitude says:  It's supposed to be rainy and cold the next few days.
Gratitude says:  I have a warm home to take shelter in.  The rain and cold will a beautiful foggy landscape for me to view.  I will have a day indoors to do some work in the house.  And at least it's not snowing.  Thank you God for shelter during rainy days and thank you that it's not going to snow.... because  I really have no love for snow except on Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

"When thanks to God becomes a habit, so joy in God becomes your life."

And so, I am going to be one of those people who continues to express my gratitude,  and I'm not apologizing for it.  I am in deep need of gratitude in my life.  Without it, my life would not be full. No apologies.  Sorry, I'm not sorry for expressing myself.  So, in the words of one my favorite bloggers, "You can pry my expressions of gratitude from my cold dead hands." And if I notice that a certain negative Nancy suddenly becomes a positive Polly,  then I am going to be happy for them and celebrate with them.  Maybe, this will become a habit for them going forward.  If not, I think that any expression of gratitude is a good thing, regardless.

I will leave you with a few more photos from my walks around the woods near my house.  I am grateful that I've had several mornings where the weather has been nice enough for me to go out and capture some photographs.

We Are All Messy... Forgiveness, Shame & Freedom

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of Life set me free from the law of sin and death."  Romans 8:1-2

"With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved.  Those who enter into Christ's being here for us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.  A new power is in operation.  The Spirit of Life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death."
Romans 8:1-2  the Message

I was recently watching an interview with Momastery founder and author of "Carry On Warrior", Glennon Doyle Melton and she related a story that reached out and hit me between the eyes.  Now, you have to realize that she is completely open about her "mess."  Really, she has bravely put it all out there,  battles with addiction, depression, and more.  And she's honest about how the freedom and forgiveness she found in Jesus has transformed her life.  Anyway, she is talking about how she received a review of her book from a person, and that person expressed disbelief that Glennon didn't express more remorse over her having an abortion. I believe what was was said was, "How can she have so little shame about her abortion?"  Her response is one that hit me.  She said that when she read the Bible, and it said that even though she was a person who screwed up the first part of her life, that God forgave her and could use her, and use all of her mess for good,  she believed it.

Which brings me back up to the scriptures written above.  They were written by Paul-- a man who truly had a grasp on God's forgiveness and what it meant for him, and for others.  And yes, Paul was one of the greatest influences in the early church.  He is responsible for a large chunk of the books found in the New Testament.  But Paul, was at one point known as Saul-- a man who enacted great violence on those who followed Christ.  He was a murderer of Christians. Men and women.  He had no pity on them.  Surely, he should express and carry great shame.  Surely he could not be used to promote the church with his background.  Yes, his name was changed, but people still knew who he was.  What he had done in the past.  All the horrible details of it.

And, his shame could have kept him from stepping out and doing anything.  He could have spent the rest of his life ducking his head, carrying a great burden.  But, you see, Paul truly grasped what Jesus had done for him.  He believed what God said.  He believed it when Jesus told him he was forgiven, and not only forgiven, but that  he was going to be greatly used to share the words of Jesus.  And I have yet to find an account where he tried to sanitize his past.  In fact, I think the power of his testimony lay in the mess of his past life.  He didn't let his "mess" immobilize him and he didn't try to hide it or put on pretense because of it.

So, what do you believe?  Do you really believe in forgiveness, grace, redemption?  Really?  Do you really believe in the freedom from shame and sin?  Or, do you think that, even once we are forgiven, we should walk around carrying the burden of shame?

There's a second part to this Paul story that I want to point out.  It's found in Acts 9:26-28.  It's the account of when Paul, after being forgiven and transformed, tried to join the disciples.

"Back in Jerusalem he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him.  They didn't trust him.  Then Barnabas took him under his wing.  He introduced him to the apostles and stood up for him, told them how Saul had seen and spoken to the Master on the Damascus Road, and how in Damascus itself he had laid his life on the line with his bold preaching in Jesus name.  After that he was accepted as one of them."

Now, I can't say that I don't understand the disciples reaction just a little bit.  I mean really, Saul's reputation was scary.  But here's what I want you to see. Barnabas believed as well.  Barnabas believed in Jesus' ability to forgive and transform Paul.  Not only did he take Paul under his wing-- it says he introduced him to the others.  I don't believe that when Barnabas introduced Paul, that he did it meekly, or with some shame of who Paul was.  It says he stood up for Paul.

I personally am tired of churches where everyone walks in with a mask.  I'm tired of sanitized church. A place where the ugliness and messiness of life is not acknowledged or allowed.  It's not real.  It doesn't allow others to be real.  It's about recognizing the real life mess that we all bring in.  You shouldn't have to sanitize your story.  You shouldn't have to wear a mask.  You should be able to stand, in the middle of your messy life, and praise God for the forgiveness, grace, and renewal that He is doing/has done in your life.  You should be able to walk in your faith without dragging this big load of shame and guilt behind you.   Following Christ means freedom from that baggage.  What attracted people to Christ is the fact that he never denied the messiness of life. In fact, he met them, right in the middle of their mess, and brought them a freedom that no one else could.

If you are out there, buried under what seems to be a mountain of shame and guilt, I am telling you to hand it over to the one who can remove the mountain.  Give it to God.  Let Him bring you freedom.  Messiness doesn't scare God.  He knows you-- the real you--the you beneath all of the dirt and clutter.  And He calls you beloved.  Even if the only thing you can do is throw up one hand and cry help, He will hear you.  Let him take your hand and lift you out of the rubble.  And then, when you are free, do not let anyone burden you by throwing the rubble back onto your shoulders.  Believe that God can and will forgive you.  Believe that God can and will use you, and your mess, for good.

My goal is to always remember with great joy that forgiveness, grace, and freedom from shame is the real gift that Jesus brought into this world.  And I am going to practice being Paul and Barnabas.  I am going to practice living with and believing in that gift, and then I am also going to practice being a "Barnabas" to those around me.  I am going to practice being real.  Being authentic.  And being free.

I'll leave you with a few sunrise photos from the other day.

"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life.  It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike, 'What's next, Papa?'  Gods spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are."  Romans 8:15-16  the Message

A return to Laughter, Fun & Joy... or Who's Your Momma Now?

We have been way too serious around our house lately.  Waaaaaayyyyyy to serious!  We've had serious conversations about college, and grades, and chores, and work.....  And don't get me wrong, these are important conversations to have, but I looked up the other day and thought,   hmmmmm are we having any fun?  And I decided that the answer was not nearly enough fun was being "had" at Casa Benintendi... so I set out to rectify this situation.


Jeff called and said that Jeanne Robertson was speaking at a local charity/fundraising dinner, would we be interested in going?  Ummmmmmm.... yes!  She's so funny and it was for a good cause so it was a win/win.  We were lucky enough to have a table up front, and so she picked on Keagan quite a bit, which he enjoyed-- he loves a good laugh.

But, as you know, one night does not a fun life make.  And so, I have taken it upon myself to have a little fun at home.  And my sight focused upon our 16 year old son.  I went out to a local store and purchased some "fake snow."  The kind that is made up of millions of tiny, round, styrofoam beads.  The great thing about styrofoam is that it generates an immense amount of static electricity, which causes it to stick to anything with relentless fervor.  Ha!  Perfect!  I had the annoying sticking fake snow and Keagan has a car ;)  I waited until Keagan had gone to bed (Jeff was out of town on business, so no partner in crime on this one).  Then I went down to his car and dumped several bags of the fake snow into his defrost vents and set said vents on high, so that when he started his car in the morning, they would blow the fake snow all over his car.

The next morning, I prayed with him before he walked out the door and then sat back and waited.  It didn't take long.  He came marching back to the front door, little balls of fake styrofoam snow clinging to him from head to toe.  He was not laughing.  When I met him at the door he simply said, "You are going to help me clean this up right?"  I looked at him, standing there, somewhat indignant, and watched as the beads of fake snow clung to his hair, clothing, and eyebrows..... and I laughed.  Great big belly laughs.  I laughed until I cried.  I laughed so hard that I forgot to take a photo.

He stood there, blinking at me, fake snow clinging to the end of his nose, and then in typical teenaged fashion said, "Whatever.  I'm going to school."  And marched back to his car.  And 7 days later, I'm still laughing ( and he is laughing also, now).

A few days later, Keagan invited some of his friends over for the last swim party of the year before we close the pool for the winter.  Let me tell you nothing is funnier than listening to teenage boys goofing around in the pool.  They are funny!  Seriously, roll on the floor laughing, funny!  

Next came Rupert, the seriously creepy fake Rat.  He's been making the rounds, showing up where you least expect him,  like in Keagan's sock drawer.  ;)  Oh, and he squeaks when you pick him up.  The cat's scared of him....

"Laughter has tremendous beauty and lightness."

And we have been laughing, and having fun, and just in general enjoying life.  And it's good.  God is good.  And we are remembering to not take ourselves so seriously.  And, just when you think the laughter and pranks are over.....

Yup, that's Keagan's Jeep, covered in Saran Wrap.  Lots and lots and lots of Saran Wrap.  Everywhere.  This time I had a partner in crime in the form of Jeff.  And while Keagan was not initially amused (he's a little cranky in the mornings), Jeff and I enjoyed a good laugh all day.  And Keagan eventually joined in, later.

"Always find a reason to laugh.  It may not add years to your life, but it will surely add life to your years."

So, if you are finding yourself being a little too serious these days, I encourage you to look for reasons to laugh, or at least for reasons to smile.  Have a great day!

Letting Go ... The Complex Dance of Parenthood

Music plays a big role in our house.  We are a house of music lovers, and our tastes are wide and diverse.  I often put on music when I'm cooking dinner, and sometimes this turns into mini dance parties.  I remember the times when Keagan was little and I would stop what I was doing and pick him up and dance around with him.  As he got older,  he would place his little feet on top of mine and off we would go.....laughing and singing....Good memories.

And I would compare this art of parenthood as a complex dance, a dance of slowly letting go.  It starts from the minute you bring a baby home.  You immediately start on the letting go process by letting your baby self sooth sometimes.  Or, letting them fall asleep on their own without being held.  And it progresses to letting them become more and more independent as they start to become mobile. All of this is an important step in their development, but it requires us as parents to relinquish our hold on them, more and more.

This complex dance requires you, as a parent, to listen for the rhythms that tell you how fast or slow to let go.  Sometimes, you are picking your child up and showing that child how to do the dance of life in your arms.  Sometimes you are letting your children stand on top of your feet so that they can follow your footsteps.

And then there are times when you have to let them lead the dance.  This is often the most painful part.  They will often step painfully on your toes.  And sometimes you will step painfully on theirs.

Sometimes they will want to dance to a different rhythm.  Those times when you are wanting them to Waltz and instead they want to do the Quick Step. In your effort to slow them down and in their effort to speed you up, you may find yourself doing a sort of funny Foxtrot mixture of slow and quick steps.

The dance of Letting Go will sometimes leave you exhausted.  You will find yourself winded due to the change in rhythm, the complexity of the steps, and the general length of the dance.  At other times, the times when you feel like the dance was done in perfect synchronized elegance, you will feel elated and proud.

But the main goal of this dance still remains the same.  You are preparing your young one to eventually dance with other partners.  You slowly abdicate your role as sole dance partner.  And you worry.  Did I teach my child to listen to the right rhythm?  Did I teach my child to take the lead in his or her own dance of life?  Does my child have enough knowledge about the different styles of dance? Are they a good dancer?

What is interesting about this dance called parenthood is that throughout your child's life, they will come back to you to learn how to do a different dance step.  This dance of Letting Go is also a dance of recurring dance lessons.

And the best part, is that if you manage to get through the first part of the Letting God dance, at some point you will once again be selected by your child as their dance partner, only this time, they may be leading the dance.  There's nothing more beautiful than when your child willing chooses you as their partner for a dance.

So don't give up if your dance is a little chaotic right now.  Dancing well takes practice, lots of it.  And it's okay if you sometimes get the steps messed up, or somehow get off rhythm.  When those times happen, take a water break, breathe, and then jump right back in.  Even if you do not think your child is listening to you, even if you are doubtful that your child will ever be able to dance, let alone, take the lead.  This thing called muscle memory is amazing.  This particular muscle will involve the brain-- plant deep seeds of dance knowledge there, and at  the most amazing times, your child will remember it.

"Train up a child in the way he should go;  even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

So, I would say to myself and to you, keep up the dance, don't stop!  It's important!  And don't forget to sometimes just lose yourself in the dance-- take the time to enjoy it.  The art of dancing well is to truly give yourself to the rhythm and beauty of the movement, to be fully in the moment, to synchronize with another in shared joy.  Teach your children the slow dances, show them that there is beauty there.  Teach them the fast, joyous dances and show them the laughter that is there. Teach them that it is ok to sometimes mix the steps together to create a new and unique dance, there is contentment to be found in creativity.  And, when they mess up, when the trip or stumble, or step on their partners toes, teach them to stop, take a breath, and start the dance again.  In the end, the dance you create with your child will be unique.  Teach them to the best of your ability and let them go, so that they can lead their own dance.

I'll leave you with a few fall photo's from around my house.  Right now, I am enjoying the way the leaves dance in the wind as they fall to the ground.