Sitting at the Kids Table

Did you ever experience while growing up a large dinner party where there were two tables?  One table was the adult table and one table was for the kids.    Now, I don't know about you, but as a kid, I always longed to sit at the adult table because that was where all the action was.  That was where all the good pieces of information was shared.  That's where the laughter lived.  That's where all the good stories were told.  And, usually, that table was where all the food was kept, and I am a great lover of food.  As I got older, I remember the special times when I would be invited up to the adult table to eat, much to envy of my younger cohorts.  It was like being invited into some sort of elite secret society, where the air and conversation was just somehow richer, more full.   But, you couldn't just show up at the adult table, you had to be invited.

"He takes in sinners and eats meals with them, treating them like old friends."
Luke 15:2  the message

I ran across this scripture the other day.  In truth, that's just a part of that particular verse,  and I've probably read it a multitude of times.  But this time, this line jumped off the page and straight into my heart.  You see, this is a line that the religious leaders of the day were saying in an attempt to slander Jesus.  Jesus was breaking the rules, the policy for that day, about who gets to sit and eat at which table.  In a way, it was like Jesus coming to the adults table at a family gathering and kicking adults off the adult table and replacing them with the children.  Or it can be compared to  Jesus coming to the family gathering and instead of eating at the adult table, walking over and sitting down with the children at their table.  It was just not done.

And to make matters worse, Jesus was enjoying the company of these "people", those who the religious elite avoided contact with.  Those people who didn't follow the "adult" rules and regulations about table manners.  Those people who didn't eat the right types of food.  Those who didn't drink the right kind of beverage. Those people who were loud, and opinionated, and lacked the  etiquette required for proper dinning.

"Jesus cared far more about people than policy."  Nish Weiseth

"He came to the outskirts of Jericho.  A blind man was sitting beside the road asking for handouts.  When he heard the rustle of the crowd, he asked what was going on.  They told him, Jesus the Nazarene is going by.  He yelled,  Jesus!  Son of David!  Mercy, have mercy on me!  Those ahead of Jesus told the man to shut up, but he only yelled all the louder, Son of David!  Mercy, have mercy on me!  Jesus stopped and ordered him to be brought over."  Luke 18: 35-40 the message

This story in Luke 18 further highlights the nature of Jesus.  While the people in the crowd were judging the blind man as unworthy of Jesus' time and effort, Jesus himself deemed him as valuable and worthy of his time and effort.  This beggar.  This nobody.  This man who was shunned and marginalized by those around him.  This one man caused Jesus to stop.

I love these pictures of Jesus.  He was kind of a rebel.  He didn't let the religious rules and cultural norms get in the way of loving people.  In fact, he turned all of those regulations and cultural norms on their heads and dismissed them as unimportant.

I love this rebel Jesus.  Why?  Because this is the Jesus who has come to me and invited me to sit with him at the adult table.  Me.  The one who is lacking in the proper etiquette department.  The one who is messy.  The one who often knocks over my glass, spilling my drink all over the table.  The one who  sits there at the table smiling with a piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth.  The one who dribbles my soup down the front of my shirt.  The one who sometimes talks with her mouth full.  Me.  The one who is unworthy.  And, not only does he sit with me, he treats me like an old friend, sharing stories, laughter, joy, sorrow, and food.  I am the blind person crying out "Have mercy!" and He is the one stopping to bring healing to my life.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39

I want my table to be like Jesus' table was.  Warm and welcoming to all.  This is my invitation to you join me at my table.  Just as you are. Don't believe the lie that your are not good enough to come.  Don't believe the lie that you are damaged goods.  Don't believe the lie that you are unworthy of  love.  Join me.  It will be an eclectic mix of different beliefs and walks of life.  Let's  share in spilled drinks, rich food, friendship, love, laughter, stories, joy and sorrow.  I am hoping that my table is one where Jesus stops by and joins in.

I am hoping and praying that not only will my table be filled, but  that your table be full as well. My challenge to you is to fill your tables up.  Don't allow there to be two tables in your life, one for the "adults/worthy people" and one for the "children/unworthy."  Be a rebel and make it one long table-- even if you have to put tables together, even if the table heights don't match, even if the tablecloths don't match.  Who cares?  Let your table be a welcome place for all.  Don't forget about the time in your life where you cried out "Have mercy!"  and Jesus stopped and called you forward to him and invited you to sit at His table.

And. most importantly,  don't forget to make room for Jesus at your table.

Challenge Accepted….Love is sometimes hard

If you've read my blog at all, you should know that one of my core values is the desire to show God's love to the people I come into contact with.  I view it as my most important job.  It is serious business to me.  And, this year I have been challenged in this area, greatly.  I mean, it's like someone looked at me and said challenge accepted.  And, to tell you the truth, I'm a little over it somedays.

This year a person was placed in my life that I, quite frankly, have had  a hard time loving.  In fact, it almost seems at times that this particular person is going out of their way to make themselves unloveable (or at least doing things that make me struggle to love them).  I have found myself frustrated, angry, and downright over it.

It has felt like this person has brought nothing but drama, chaos, deceit, disfunction, and disruption.  And a few weeks ago, after this person caused a family member some pretty dramatic emotional pain, I looked to God and said I give up.  I. AM. DONE.  This person, for me, is unloveable.  In fact, I don't really want to even try to love them anymore.   I am throwing in the towel and taking off the work gloves. Send them to someone else Lord, because I refuse to do this anymore.

And God quietly replied, NO.

And I, not so quietly or subtly, began to throw a version of 45 year old adult fit.  I mean seriously, didn't I have enough stuff going on in my day to day life without putting up with this person? I mean, I have truly tried to show God's love to everyone else I have contact with.  I have accepted that God has placed me where I am currently for a reason, and I am trying to fulfill the purpose He has laid out for me (even if somedays I struggle with that placement).  I strive to check off all the boxes, so to speak.  I have acknowledged that where God wants me is bigger and more important than my desire to be someplace else.  I have said the words, "I submit to your will.  I give it to you.  I surrender it all for you, God."  And I truly believe that God has honored me and my family, and blessed us, because of my willingness to say those things.  But really?  God, you couldn't just let this one slide?  Oh come on!  This challenge is too great for me.  No one could possible love this person the way you are asking me too.  NO. ONE.

And then God said, "I DO.  I love this person so much that I sent my one and only son as a sacrifice.  And it is important for this person to know that they have worth.  This is person is valuable to me.  This person needs to know that they are greatly, mightily, abundantly, and completely loved.  And it is your job to show this person how loved they are by Me.  This is your purpose.  This is one of the reasons you have been placed here.  And, you are right, you can't find love for this person on your own.  You need to let My love for this person shine through you, not your love."

"At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me?  Seven?  Jesus replied,  Seven!  Hardly.  Try seventy times seven."  Matthew 18:21-22

"If  I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, jump, and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.  If I gave everything I owned to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.  So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others.

Isn't always me first,

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end."

1 Corinthians 13:1-9  the message

"But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:  Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."  1 Corinthians 13:13  the message

Gah!!!!  I'll be honest here, my first reaction to all of this was not exactly great.  I believe I actually said the words, "Well, crap on toast.  This just sucks."  Because, quite honestly, I felt a  little justified in feeling the way I do about this person.  I didn't feel this way about this person without reason or cause.  I was clearly right, and this person is just so clearly wrong, on so many levels… I. CAN'T. EVEN…

But God can.  You see, it's not about me.  It's about God and his relationship with this person.  It's about this persons great need to know and experience God's love.  I'm merely the delivery system.  All I have to do is be willing to let God use me.  

And so, with great big sighs, and a little (or a lot) of grumbling, I have bent down and picked up my work towel and gloves.  I'm shifting my eyesight to try and see what God sees when He looks at this person.  I am not trying to channel my love to this person.  Instead, I am trying to show them God's love.  And it's hard.  Every day I have to get up and pray that God will help me show love to this person.  I pray that God will help me to love this person.  I am making the choice to love this person--not based on my feelings, but based on God's feelings for and about this person.  And I have to say, that there are some days now where this is getting a little easier to do.   Some.  It's not perfect, but I'll take it.

So, I will leave you with some photos of one of my favorite places on earth, Venice.  It's a city often associated with love.  Having been there, I understand why.  I'm in love with Venice myself, and I can't wait to go back.

Being a Parent is Expensive

Being a parent is expensive!  And yes, it does cost a lot of money (currently, we are living in  back to school land right now where every morning I open my wallet and hand out money by the fistful for fundraisers, school photos, extra curricular activities, parking permits, food, supplies, etc) but that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the emotional expense.  The time expense.  And the physical expense ( I believe that there have been days when my son has literally shaved off at least 10 years of my life, seriously).

Yes, parenting can be, and often is rewarding.  Yes, there are moments filled with great love and joy.  And yes, I'll even admit that being a parent is an enriching experience.  But, all this also comes at a price.  And we often don't talk about that in all our supportive mommy blogs, or church parenting groups, or even from the pulpit.

Well, be prepared, because I'm going to go ahead and rip the bandaid right off in this blog.  Being a parent is expensive.  When you become a parent, you make a promise to be responsible for another human being.  You are (or should be) committed to this person whom you've brought into your life, either through birth or adoption.    And let me tell you, this task you've taken on is HUGE!  As a parent you are responsible for the physical health, emotional well being, spiritual and moral guidance, and education of this person.  That's a lot to be responsible for.  And I worry, because really, am I the best one to teach this stuff?  Me?  This messed up, imperfect, human being?

When my son was little, most of my time was spent  trying to ensure that he didn't kill himself by doing things that might bring him physical harm.  Things like keeping him from dashing into the street in front of oncoming traffic, using a rope tied to the upper stair banister to lower himself down 3 stories to the awaiting floor below (and yes he did this, at age 4, sigh), making sure he always wore his helmet when on his bike, skateboard, scooter (he has managed to crack 3 helmets in the last 6 years alone).  You know the drill.

Things evolve into trying to help him like himself, but not too much.  Trying to teach him social norms.  Things like we do not belch loudly during daddies business meal in that fancy restaurant.  Or, we do not ask strangers questions like, "What do you wear to bed?"  Trying to teach him that manners matter, compassion matters, love matters, God matters, laughter matters, stealing is wrong, hitting is wrong, lying is wrong, and the list goes on.  Stressing the importance of learning and knowledge. All of that important life "stuff."

And now we find ourselves at a bridge as parents.  In just 2 years our child will be going off to college.  He will be mostly on his own.  We will not be there to whisper words of encouragement or guidance daily.  We are in transition as parents.  When  he was younger, most of the lessons had to do with compliance.  For example, for his safety, we needed him to comply with the rule of no handling knives without a parent or adult.  I didn't really give any thought about whether or not he felt in his heart that it was a rule worth following. It was a rule. Period.  But, as a teenager, I have become aware of a shift.  Now, I am no longer looking for just compliance.  I'm looking for a heart change.  I am hoping that we are instilling in him the desire to follow certain principles and precepts. Not because I (or someone else) said so, not out of simple compliance. But instead out of his understanding that this is a right or wrong issue--this is an integrity issue.  And I am hoping for that moment when his heart recognizes the right choice, and then, in recognizing the right path, willingly chooses and embraces it.

And it is in these moments where parenting becomes the most expensive.  These are the moments where you have the most invested.  And, when your child chooses the wrong path (and I  am telling you, that every child, will at one point in time,  choose the wrong path on a certain issue), these are the moments when you feel the expense the most.  Believe me parents, you will feel this withdrawal from your emotional bank account.  And sometimes, it will feel like you have been drained completely.  I have been there.

Well, you say, this is encouraging. And yes, I'm being sarcastic. But I'm also being truthful.  Parenting isn't always lollipops and roses.  However, I am telling you that there is help and hope.

Let's talk first about the help portion.  Here's where God steps in.  If you find yourself feeling drained, you have a source of wisdom and strength you can call on.  Call on God.  Cry out to him if need be.  Seek him.  Ask for wisdom.  Ask for guidance.  Bring your child before him in prayer.  If you are married-- don't carry this burden alone.  Make sure that you and your spouse do this together. And this is where your friends come in as well.  I'm talking about your very close friends.  The one or two, or 5 who have your back.  Ask them to help you.  Ask them to pray.  Share your story, because there is healing to be found when you can honestly talk to someone about your situation.  And, if you need it, don't be afraid to seek out expert help.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9

"So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you."  Isaiah 41:10

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul--not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the endurable and spills over into joy, thanking the father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."  Colossians 1:11  the message

"Patient persistance pierces through indifference; gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses."  Proverbs 25:15  the message

I have to laugh at that last scripture.  A few years ago my son had gotten into trouble, and on top of being grounded, I had him write down some scriptures pertaining to the issue at hand.  To say I was frustrated with him at the time doesn't come close to how I was feeling. I believe I had ended our conversation by saying something like, "I'm not even sure that you are listening to me and I'm so tired of dealing with this issue.  I'm not sure what to do. "  He dutifully wrote down all the scriptures I had asked him to look up, and then he added one more. Proverbs 25:15.  That last scripture I quoted.  When I read it later that night, my spirit  took flight.  My son, was telling me, through scripture, to not give up hope.  Hmmmmm, who was teaching who?  That was one of many moments when my soul whispered, "Yes, the expense is worth it, every bit of it."  And it has forever become one of my most cherished verses.

And there is hope parents.  There are many great, fantastic, amazing moments!   Don't get so busy looking for the bad that you forget to look at the good stuff.  If you need help, make a list.  List all of the good things about your child first.  My guess is that list is longer than the "hard/bad stuff."  Make sure you tell your child about the good stuff.  Let them know you see all areas of their life.  Encourage and praise them when they make good choices.  Let them know that your love for them isn't dependent on whether or not they make good or bad choices.  Encourage questions, even ones that make you uncomfortable, because you are communicating with each other, and that is good.  Make sure you are able to tell your child the "why" of what you believe.  If you never share the "why" part, they will never understand the value of that belief.  Learn to savor and enjoy the good moments.  As the Bible says, think on those things.

I'll end this blog with a  couple of thoughts.  I'm lucky.  I'm grateful.  I really do have an amazing, fantastic, awesome child! Although being a parent is expensive, I am gladly paying the price.  Well, let's be honest, most days I am gladly paying the price.  Some days I am seriously bemoaning my account deficit. But that's what being a parent requires.  That's the promise I made when I chose to become a mother.  And I'm hopeful that I will get to see the payout from my investment.   I'm already catching small returns on the investment.  And for today, that's enough.

I am well aware that there are parents out there who are struggling way more than I do.  Parents where the cost has been extraordinarily extravagant!  Those who are living out the prodigal son story daily.  And my heart goes out to you.  I am praying for you and your family.  And I hold on to hope for you, hope for an extravagant payoff one day.

I'll leave you with a photo of my greatest investment.  And yes, he is worth it.  Every moment.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,  plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you."  Jeremiah 29:11-13

Hidden Things

Hidden things.  Everyone has them.  Those not so pretty aspects or areas in your life that are a source of pain, shame, or embarrassment.  Those things that you guard closely, in great fear  of discovery.  Those items that you think will cause others to view you differently.  Those things that you have heard others mention with disgust or derision in their voices, while you sit there in silence thinking, that's me, that's what is happening right now in my life. Or that's me, that's what has happened in my life.  These hidden things cast shadows on our soul.  Dark spots.

I'm talking about things like infidelity, financial hardships, bankruptcy, rebellious children, addiction, teenage sex, marital problems, depression, mental health problems, struggles with faith and belief, the  effects of illness and disease, pornography, poverty, anger, disappointment, abortion, teenage pregnancy, divorce, job loss,  deceit, and the list goes on (or in other words, you fill in the blank with whatever hidden issue you struggle with).

We, as a church, don't talk about these things, unless it's to gossip about these "hidden spots" in other people's lives.  We like to "sanitize" things. These are the hard subjects that we stay away from.  They are the elephants we each carry into the room, sitting there casting large shadows, while everyone studiously ignores or pretends not to see them.  These things make us uncomfortable.  These things create in us a deep sense of vulnerability.  We often are crushed under the shame that these hidden things make us feel.  And, so, because of our discomfort.  Because of our sense of self preservation.  We don't talk about our hidden things.  To anyone.  EVER. And by not talking to someone about it, by not sharing the burden with someone, we give these hidden things great power over our life.

"Live creatively, friends.  If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving all your critical comments for yourself.  You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out.  Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed.  Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law.  If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived."  Galatians 6:1-3  the Message

I don't believe that God intended for church to be sanitized.  I believe he intended the church to be right in the middle of the muck and the mess of everyday life.  And this requires us to be authentic.  This requires us to be willing talk about and acknowledge the hard stuff.  The hidden things.  It requires us, as Christ followers to get our hands dirty.  It's one thing to verbally express sympathy for  someone and yet a far different thing to be willing to wade right into the water with a drowning person, grab their hand, and help them swim.  It requires the willingness to not only help others bear their Hidden Things, but to also be open to letting others help you with yours.

This world is longing for authenticity.  People, christian and non-christian alike, are desperate to find a soft place to land.  And the church should be that place.  It should be a place where people can come and discuss the hard things. A place where love triumphs over judgement.  A place where you can build authentic relationships with others who will help carry your burden.  A place where you can share your story without fear or shame.  A place where you can truthfully express your doubts and concerns.  A place where you can ask the hard questions.  A place of freedom.  A place of forgiveness.

To be honest,  I'm tired of a church that refuses to actually talk about and deal with these hidden things in a loving and caring way.  I'm tired of the "war cries" that scream louder than cries of compassion, caring, love, and forgiveness.  And, looking at some of the recent church statistics,  I'm not the only one in my generation who is feeling that way.  My generation is leaving the church in staggering numbers.  I believe that my generation is looking for authentic love.

I want authenticity.  I want to be a part of a church that is real.  I want to be a part of a church that goes beyond speaking about love.  I want to be a part of a church that IS love in action.  And so, this change starts with me.  I help make up the church.  I contribute to the culture of the church.  And so I am praying that God helps me to be authentic.  I am praying that God gives me the wisdom and courage to talk about the hard, hidden things with people in a loving, compassionate, and caring way. I am praying that God helps me to boldly reach out to those around me and help bear their burden.  I am praying that God helps me to speak with love and compassion, not with judgement and condemnation,  at all times, for I never know who is listening, and what hidden things they are dealing with.  I am praying that God helps me to personify love in action.  I am praying that God will help me live out Galatians 6:1-13.

Speaking of hidden things.  This glass sculpture is beautiful.  When you look at it from a distance it is stunning.  But I think you can only truly understand this piece once you draw closer and take a look at the "hidden things" within the piece.  Have a great day!

Unexpected Intrusions of Beauty

"One cannot judge the beauty of a path merely by looking at it's entrance."  Paul Coelho

One of my favorite scents in the smell of a pine forest.  Maybe it's because I grew up exploring them in Colorado.  I don't know.  But I can still close my eyes and pull up the memory of that smell-- the crisp pine needle scent, the sharp, clean air, and the quiet sound of a gently breeze.  Can you sense it?  My whole body just relaxes with just the thought of that forest.

Fall is a busy time.  Kids go back to school.  The holidays are looming.  Change is in the air.  And with all of this running around and change from the summer routine, we often get tense.  We are rushing through the day just trying to get everything accomplished before we crawl into bed exhausted.  The path we are walking on may seem like it's at a very steep grade, and we are winded and weary from trying to make forward progress. We all need a break.

"When you look at a field of dandelions you can either see a hundred weeds or a hundred wishes."

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."  Anne Frank

"We never notice the beauty because we are too busy trying to create it."

So, lets take a little break today.  Let's stop for a minute and take a look around.  Close your eyes and take a deep breath.  Now open them and look around with fresh eyes.  Do not focus on how rocky the path is or how steep.  Believe me, we all spend more than enough time focusing on these things.  Instead, today, at this moment-- look for the things of beauty all around you-- the things that are just to the side of the path.  Look at what you have to be grateful for.  Those people who are the tall trees in your life that provide you with shelter and shade alongside the path you travel. Breathe in the life giving Spirit of God-- spend some time just inhaling and exhaling the goodness and blessings that God gives you.  Look at many shades of green around you--let it remind you of the differences in those who surround you.  But instead of focusing on the differences, focus on how   the differences in coloration combine to make your surroundings beautiful.  Look at all the saplings and small plants that cover the ground.  These represent future hope--you can see the promise of the tall spruce tree encompassed in that small sapling.

Make sure you quiet yourself and listen.  Listen to the sounds of others around you and take delight in them.  The almost magical sound of your child's laughter.  My favorite sound in all of life is the sound of my son when he does a true belly laugh-- nothing is better than that sound.  Listen to the sound of the small stream running close to your path.  It took many tears to make this stream, and there will be more tears added along the way.  But for today, we are going to look at the beauty created from all of those tears, and be grateful that something good can come out of sorrow.  Look backwards down the path and be encouraged by how far you've come.  Look forward up the path and be excited by the adventure yet to come.

"Unexpected intrusions of beauty.  This is what life is."

"When you stop and look around, this life is pretty amazing."

I'll bet you would have never guessed what your path was going to look like when you stood at the entrance and tried to peer down to see where you were going to go.  You see, this path of life isn't always covered in the type of beauty that is easily recognizable.  Instead, life's pathways seem to  be made up with rocky paths that are filled with unexpected intrusions of beauty.  You just have to look for them. Beauty can be found in just one smile, one small quiet moment of peace,  one small encouraging word.  I often find that the small flowers in life often  contain more beauty (and more fragrance) than the big showy roses.

So today, if you find yourself walking your path and all you can see is rocks and obstacles I challenge you to stop.  Look again with eyes that are searching for beauty.  And even if the only beautiful thing you find is one dandelion bloom… focus on that. And be grateful for it.  For that one bloom contains the opportunity for one hundred wishes and dreams fulfilled.

I know that today's blog was a little "out there"  or off the beaten path (haha).  But we all need to live in hope and gratitude more often.  It is refreshing to the body, mind and soul.  So, take the time to look for opportunities to be grateful today.

""I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart."  Psalm 27:13-14

I'll leave you with a few photo's of some paths I walked in Alaska.