I thought we were all on the same team

Have you ever heard or made one of these comments?

"Women/girls are just mean to each other."

"Women are so jealous of each other. "

"Women can't work together."

Hmmmmm.  I know I have heard these comments all my life.  I have even (to my shame) repeated them.  Ok, so really, what's up with this?  I would love to say that there is no truth at all behind these comments, but in all honesty, I can't.  And why is that?  And the bigger question might be, why do we (as women and men) allow this to happen?

"Girls compete with each other.  Women empower on another."

"You can tell who the strong women are.  They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down."

"Life is not about competition.  Life is about connection."

I don't get this divisive mentality.  This need for comparison.  This competitive, jealous, meanness.  It keeps us from getting stuff done, because lets face it, when women come together and work towards a goal, it's powerful.  When we spend time tearing each other down, we all lose.  And, I thought we were all on the same team. When we get caught up in all of this negativity we forget the most important thing about life, life is about connection. And we need to remember that the next generation of young women are watching us, learning how to interact with each other.  Let's be careful what we teach them.  So, my goal is to remember to support the women around me.

I will support the women who do not have children.  Yes, I believe a woman can have a fulfilling life without becoming a parent.  And I support her.  I will not say hurtful, unsupportive phrases like; "You're missing out.", "A woman's main goal in life is to reproduce.", or "You will regret this decision when you are older."  And I will not ask her why she does not  have children.  That's a very personal question and it's none of my business.  She can share that with me if she decides she wants to, or not.

I will support the women who have chosen to have large families.  Again, I believe that there are women who have the gift and desire to mother many children.  I will not ask the question, "You know how that happens right?"  Ummm, I believe she does.  That is her choice.  Parenting is hard, regardless of how many children you have.

I will support the women who have one child. I fall into this category.  And yes, it was my (and my husbands) choice to have just one.  It is the right size for us.  I also understand that some mothers do not have a choice, they can only have one child for whatever reason. And no, I will not answer you or respond to questions/statements about an only child being lonely (believe me, he's not.  I have the large grocery bills from feeding all of his friends to prove it), About only children being spoiled (that has nothing to do with being an only child and everything to do how you parent.  I've meet spoiled children who had 5 siblings.), or the question, didn't my son want siblings (Ummmm… not his call to make, since I'm the one who has to raise them).  Parenting is hard, regardless of how many children you have.

I will support the single mom, regardless of how that came to be.  Let's face it, it is hard enough to parent when you have help from the father.  I can't even imagine how hard it would be do do it all alone!  Parenting is hard.

I will support the career woman.  I will encourage them.  I will celebrate  their success!  I will encourage the young women I come in contact with to pursue their career goals.  Having a successful career is hard work.  And there is honor in working to support yourself family.

I will support the mother who works outside the home!  I will encourage her.  I will let her know that it is perfectly ok  to want to work and have a career. I will not shame her for not being able to attend every event or volunteer for every school event, PTA or Booster club.  I have been a working mother and it is hard.  There is honor in working to support your family.

I will support the mother who stays at home.  I will not make her feel like what she is doing is less important.  I will not make her feel "lazy"  or less intelligent for not working outside the home.  I will let her know that it is perfectly ok to want to stay home and take care of her family.  I will not shame her for not volunteering for every event, PTO or booster club just because I assume she "has the time." I have been a stay at home mom and it is hard. There is honor in staying home and managing the household.

I will support every mother's parenting decisions (within reason, I will not support any decision that is life threatening for your child).  I will recognize that there is value in differing parenting styles.  I will recognize that children are individuals and that the parenting style for each child may differ.  I will recognize that there may be many different ways to handle the same situation and that all of the options have value.  I will recognize that I can learn from another's parenting style.  I will encourage the sharing of ideas, thoughts, approaches, and parenting advice.  I will remember that parenting is hard and there is no such thing as the perfect parent.

"Her success is not your failure."

I will celebrate women's successes.  I will celebrate when good things happen to the women around me.  I will be supportive of women leaders.  I will embrace using words like strong, intelligent, kind,  fascinating, beautiful, amazing, fabulous, productive, brilliant, phenomenal, delightful, impressive, radiant, determined, credible, authentic, adept, elegant, astute, clever, gifted, talented, wise, honorable, respectable, generous, compassionate, confident, eloquent, adventurous, ambitious, faithful, friendly, loyal, nice, powerful, rational, resourceful, thoughtful, bright, capable, encouraging, fearless, harmonious, knowledgeable, skillful and witty when describing the women around me.

And finally, I will encourage and foster healthy relationships with other women in my life.  I will strive to be part of the movement to prove to others that the negative stereotypes about women's friendships do not have to be true.

I wanted to put up photos of the amazing women in my life, but alas, there are too many, and I didn't want to leave someone out.  So instead, I'll post a couple of my favorite photos from our recent trip, that have nothing to do with the above subject ;)  Have a great day!