"Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters."
This quote made me think about some of the hard conversations of life, and their importance. In tying in with my previous theme of giving good advice to graduates, I think I would say that it is important that you have the courage to start hard conversations. You know what I'm talking about, those needed talks about difficult, embarrassing, or painful situations.
As a parent, it is important for me to have those hard conversations with my child (especially now that he's a teenager). You see, I never want my son to come back to me later in life and say that I didn't tell him important information just because it was a conversation that was uncomfortable. So, as uneasy, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright embarrassing as some of these conversations are, I still have them. Why? There are a lot of reasons. Some of these hard topics are important because they have to do with my son staying healthy. Some of the conversations have to do with keeping him safe-- a way of warning him of potential danger. Some conversations are what I have entitled "Big Life Mistake Prevention Talks." You know, talking about the mistakes that follow and affect you throughout your lifetime. I also use these hard conversations to let my son know what my expectations are. For example, I expect him to work hard at school and make good grades.
Some of the hardest conversations I have with my son have to do with what I call Character development issues. Issues like showing respect to others, even if you don't want to. Or, dealing with mean people, because there are mean people out in the world-- that never goes away-- so I have to help him deal with this issue. Or the importance of being truthful, having a good reputation, hard work, being grateful, managing money, having a relationship with God, treating others with kindness, on and on…
You can't be a good parent and avoid the hard conversations. Even if you do not have the right words, or you stumble over your tongue, or you are just straight up embarrassed-- I still encourage you to have these hard conversations with your kids. You don't have to be perfect in your delivery, just sincere. And be willing to let your child ask questions. Be willing to listen to what they have to say. Then, you can go to sleep at night in peace knowing that you've left nothing on the table, that you have shared every important piece of information you can with them.
Being courageous enough to have those hard conversations about hard topics is also important in a marriage. Honest communication goes a long way. I think the hardest issues to discuss in a marriage are finances and intimacy. But both of those topics can be huge stumbling blocks to your marriage. I'm not going to touch on the second topic much other than to say you need to talk about the issue with your spouse.
I have a few things to say about finances. It is of great importance that both of you have a working knowledge of your financial situation. If, God forbid, something happens to one of you, the other spouse needs to be able to make sound, confident financial decisions. They cannot make those decisions if they do not know where the bank accounts are, how to access them, life insurance policy information, basic car & home insurance information, health care information, loan information, etc…
Budgets are important. And, I feel that both spouses should be involved in the creation of the budget. Jeff and I have adopted a modified version of the Dave Ramsey plan. Basically, this plan requires you to both sit down and be honest about your finances. Be honest about your income. Be honest about your bills. Be honest about your spending. It also offers a plan to pay off debt and make sure that you pay your bills. One of our favorite parts of this plan is that it allowed each of us to budget for a little individual spending money--money that we could each spend without having to explain or justify where it went to each other. This plan helped and continues to help Jeff and I come to agreement over money without being upset at each other. But don't get me wrong-- at first it takes hard work and it makes you accountable. However, once you are on the same page, it takes most of the anger and unease out of the situation. It also requires you to BOTH be accountable and responsible, not allowing you to shift the responsibility (and blame) on just one person.
And finally, being brave enough to have hard conversations makes you a better leader and/or boss. Part of your responsibility as a leader or boss is to mentor those who work for you. We all love to throw around the positive parts of mentorship, and often don't discuss the harder aspects. Yes, mentorship involves encouragement, training, skill development, providing advancement opportunities, etc… But a true mentor/leader/boss should also be willing to have those hard conversations with those they are mentoring. This is the part about being a true leader that no one wants to acknowledge or talk about. Sometimes, as a leader, you need to call out bad behavior, point out areas where improvement is needed, and yes, even help build character by discussing issues like integrity, truthfulness, punctuality, dependability, willingness to do both the big and small jobs, willingness to go above and beyond what is required, doing quality work, and being respectful of others. And, sometimes, as a leader you need to be able to tell people that they need to look for another position or job that is better suited to their skills. Ouch! (Still want to be a leader?)
So, my continued challenge for myself and for you is to be bold in having courageous (if not hard) conversations with those that matter. Even if I am embarrassed. Even if they are hard. Even if it would be easier for me to not have those conversations. And, always remembering to temper these conversations with love.
Speaking of conversations, the forest around my house has been full of animal "conversations" lately. So I'll leave you with a few photos of some of those animals. Happy Friday!
We usually hear these guys at night while they are trying to get into trash cans or steal the "drip plate" off of the bottom of the grill.
Believe it or not, these box turtles hiss at you when you pick them up. They have a fondness for my hosta plants and the smell of my deer off spray doesn't bother them. So, I nicely "relocate" them back into the woods.
The flying squirrels visit at night. You can hear their high pitched squeaking before they glide in overhead on their way to our bird feeders.
Unfortunately you can often smell the possum before you can hear or see them. They are particularly stinky-- once you get o whiff of one, you don't forget it. The are fun to watch when they have babies.
Here is a photo of one of the many cute, but noisy, frogs.
You can hear these guys zooming around down by the pool all day long.
And, one of our fuzzy, large honey bees. They work on my Lavender all summer long.
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