We speak a different language at our house….

I don't know if other families do this or not, but at our house, we sometimes speak a little differently.  For some reason, throughout the years, we have adopted "one line tags" that we use frequently in our conversations.  Sometimes they are lines from movies or TV shows.  They are usually said in a funny or sarcastic way.  They are even sometimes irreverently used to poke fun at something or someone (we may need to "go down for an alter call" for our use of such phrases).

Oh, we do not mean to be offensive, really.  But sometimes, you just have to laugh off all the seriousness that floats around.  I mean really,  I have a teenager, and teenagers attract drama like honey attracts a bee.  We need something to lighten the load.  And can I get an amen from someone that sometimes all this "social media" could use a break from the drama river, and instead take a swim (or least dip it's big toe) in the fun pond?

So, I'm going to walk you through how to speak "Benintendinese", and please try to not be offended.  It's all in good fun.  And don't even get started with our phrases all you grammar Nazi's.  I know that many of them are not grammatically correct.  But in this case, we just don't care.

Benintendi phrase number 1.  Angry Elf.  Unapologetically stolen from the movie Elf.  We use this term to refer to the person who is a little over the top angry about an issue that really isn't a big thing.  Said person may or may not be tipping toward the crazy train of angry.  Proper usage:  "And then so and so went all angry elf."  or "Do not make me go all angry elf on you." or ""Was he/she an angry elf?"  or my personal favorite.. "Ohhhhh, he/she's an angry elf."  In all seriousness, can I just say that sometimes this phrase helps diffuse an otherwise tense situation.  Even if I just think it and never say it out loud, it keeps me more level headed in situations where it is tempting for me turn into Mount Vesuvius. (which is another term we use which means  turning into a volcano and spewing ash and punice all over someone.)

Phrase number 2.  Don't bite nobody. This is our version of saying go have a good time and play well with others.  I knew a family that said this phrase when I was growing up and we have now officially adopted it.  Proper usage:  "Go run hard and don't bite nobody (said to my son before he runs his race at track)."  or "Have a good day and don't bite nobody."

Phrase number 3.  Nailed it.  Used sarcastically for those times when you have definitely NOT nailed it.  No explanation needed.

Phrase number 4. I believe what we need is more cowbell.  Stolen from an old SNL skit and enthusiastically overused in our household.  Whenever something is just not quite right, it must need more cowbell.  Everything can be fixed by adding more cowbell.  We sometimes use the the phrase "More duct tape" instead.  Same meaning.  I know, we are truly strange little people with a weird sense of humor.

Phrase number 5.  My bad.  Not used as a true apology in our house. This phrase has replaced the term "whatever."  Usually used when I am responding to my teenagers complaint of how I have somehow ruined his life at that moment.  Hmmmm….. maybe he needs more cowbell?

Phrase number 6:  Oh for the love of Gelato! Picked up when my son fell in love with Gelato on a trip last year to Europe.  I believe that he hit every Gelato stand/store from Barcelona to Venice.  Used instead of the word Seriously?  Often used in exasperation.  Like, after I've had to make the 17th trip in one day to the grocery store because I have returned home to find that I have once again missed purchasing a critical ingredient to tonights dinner.

Phrase number 7: Princess, this is not your castle.  Said when someone is being unreasonably demanding.  Often said to teenagers in my house, who for some reason or another, forget exactly who owns this castle. Also said when observing people making ridiculous demands of others.

Phrase number 8.  Fanfreakingtastic! This word can be used in two ways.  It can actually have a positive connotation, meaning that something or someone is, in actuality, fantastic.  Or it can be used in the opposite manner, stating that something or some situation is not, in all actuality, fantastic.  Are you confused yet?

We are always adding to our list of Benintendi sayings.  Here are few of my new, favorite phrases that will probably be added to the Benintendinese language.

Be a fountain and not a drain.  To be used when there is too much whining, complaining, and downright Eeyore behavior going on.  Calling people out on their ability to suck the energy and good vibes right out of the room.

If you can't say something nice, at least say it in French.  This is one of my new favorites.  I use it when the conversation is getting a little "too" mean. Since none of us can speak French in our household, it's a polite way of saying shut your mouth.

That wasn't very Versace of you.  Meaning that wasn't very classy.  'Nuff said.

Put your 2 cents on your tab and keep shopping.  Keep your opinion to yourself.

And finally, my all time, most favorite new phrase is: Honey bunches of no… which is an emphatic no.  A way to emphasis the word NO without using a curse word.  It means that this no is NEVER, EVER, EVER  going to turn into a yes.  Like NEVER.  So stop asking. Now.

So there you have it.  A quick course on speaking the Benintendinese language. The cliff notes, so to speak.  I know that this was a total "fluff" blog, but it was time for one.  I can't be all serious all the time.  UGH….  And besides, I'm not afraid to sometimes just let my freak flag fly ;)

Have a good weekend!  I'll leave you with a few photos of Keagan enjoying some Gelato!

When in Rome at the Trevi Fountain, everyone should stop and have some Gelato.

What does a hungry teenager eat after climbing to the top of the Tower of Pisa?   Gelato, of course!

The Great Debate…. or rules, rules, rules...

First of all, before I even start this blog I want to state that I am not here to offend anyone.  I am not an authority, a leader, or anything like that.  These are just MY thoughts on a few issues.  I am going to acknowledge that you may believe differently on these issues than I do, and to you I say this, "I love you. I respect you and your right to have a differing opinion. It's all good with me."

Lately, I have read or heard about some various church issues that I have deemed "The Great Church Debates."  Many of these issues are open to personal interpretation, which, causes some tension amoung those with differing opinions.  And I am going to state that while on certain issues, the Bible is perfectly clear, there are other issues where it is not. I have been in a few discussions lately with various people about the following issues and this is where I'm landing.

Issue # 1:  Do I have to attend every church service/event/function?  If I don't does that mean I am not committed to God?  

Let me give you a little background here:  I am daughter of a pastor (a very good pastor, I might add).  A PK (preachers kid).  I grew up in the church.  I have, at some point in my life, attended EVERY church function/event/service known to man.  While growing up, I went to everything.  My dad was the pastor, and the pastor's family was expected to attend.

So, with that in mind,  here is where I fall on this issue.  I believe that it is important to your relationship with God that you attend a weekly service of some kind.  There is just something unique that happens when you are gathered together with other God-followers.  You need to go and learn more about the Bible and what it has to say.  God has also specifically asked that you do this in the Bible.  It's very clear that God places a high importance on the gathering together of believers.  God also has stated very clearly that we are to love others, to reach out to those around us, and show them the love of God.

So, how do we honor what we feel God has clearly stated that we should do?  After work, school, family, and home commitments are met, we are left with a limited amount of time each week.  We are dealing with what everyone else is, how do we possibly get everything done in the amount of time we have?  To help us "fit it all in" and do what we believe is right, we had to set priorities.  They are as follows in order of importance.

 1. Our first priority is God. Part of this means that Sunday morning is set aside to gather with other believers in order to publicly worship God and to learn more about God. We pray together.  We discuss the Bible and Biblical issues with each other.  We each work to maintain our own personal relationship with God.

2. Our Second commitment is to our small family unit (my husband, myself, my son).  We are committed to spending time together, while we can (especially since our son will be going to college in two years).

3. Our third priority is to our jobs.  Jeff has a demanding job, that requires him to travel often, attend various events and dinners, work at night from home, etc. We view this job as a gift from God, and so Jeff strives to bring excellence to his job in order to honor the gift that God has provided for us.  My sons job right now it to attend school. The opportunity to receive an education is a gift that is denied to many in this world.  Keagan brings honor to God for this gift by working hard at school. Part of my job right now is to maintain the home, feed our family, clothe our family, budget, maintain the calendar for our family, attend Keagan's functions, and everything in between.  It is a gift from God that we are able to function on one income, and I try to honor God by doing my best.

4. Our Fourth priority is to love others.  To be a positive influence in the lives of those we come into contact with.  To introduce those around us to the love of God.  This may sound simple, but it takes an investment of time.  We cannot show love to others if we never spend time with them.  So, we try to balance our time wisely, and follow what we believe God wants us to do.

With that said, I must confess that while we attend Sunday service, we do not regularly attend the Wednesday evening service.  Nor do we make it to every church function/event.   I harbored some guilt around this for a few years.  Sometimes that guilt was helped along by others statements to us about our "lack of commitment" to the church and to God because of our failure to attend all the services/events/functions.  By prioritizing our time, and trying to honestly fulfill what we feel God has called us to do, I have let that guilt go. So,  I do not believe you have to attend every church service/event/function.  I do believe that you must make time with God a priority, both in corporate worship and privately at home.

Issue #2  Is there a right way to worship?  Do I have to raise my hands, clap, etc… in order to worship? Can worship be too loud, long, ________( fill in the blank) ?

Again, let me provide you with a little of my background:  Of course, I am a pastor's daughter.  I have  been part of various worship teams, from a traveling worship team, to youth choir, to being a vocalist on the worship team.  I have also served as the worship leader at a church.

Let me tell you, worship, especially through music is very near and dear to my heart.  And I tell you, I like just about every genre of music there is.  My taste is very eclectic.  That being said, I am also very human, and I admit that I have a certain "setting" (for lack of a better word) in which I feel most comfortable when I worship.  I think we all do.  And I think, that these differences in worship preferences spark endless debate in the church world.  The current debate is over the "show" versus the "genuine" worship experience. Some people like all the lights, end special effects, and screens, and stuff.  Some like a more "stripped down" type of worship, without lights and such.

In the spirit of honesty, I am going to admit that there have been things in some of the worship services I have attended that I haven't been comfortable with.  I will go so far as to say that I have found some things distracting.  Maybe, I have even grumbled about the service afterwards.  I freely admit that I like to have at least one song  during service that I know all the words to, so that I can just close my eyes and focus.  Sometimes I am more expressive during worship, other times I am more quiet and reserved.  My worship style can probably be described as  reserved charismatic contemporary with a few hymns thrown in. Or what's known in my house as Recharitemporary (and yes, that is a joke.  It's ok, God created humor, you can laugh).

I am a firm believer that you need to choose a church that is the right fit for you, and that the type of worship is a large part of finding a good fit. However, we all need to remember that worship isn't all about us.   Especially in those times where we may find ourselves a little uncomfortable. Worship is about God.  It is our time to focus on God, and not ourselves.  To show how incredibly magnificent, gracious, loving, kind, and amazing He is.  To honor and glorify him and all that he is. I find that if I  attend a worship service with my mind and heart focused on worshipping God, most of the other stuff goes away.  I can worship God, anywhere, at anytime, in any setting. It sometimes just requires me to remember to focus on God and not the other things.

As far as the raising your hands, clapping sort of thing.  I personally think that is a personal issue.  Some people are naturally more expressive, some are a little more reserved.  I think God honors and values genuine expressions of our love for him.  I look at the story of the offerings of Cain and Abel in Genesis 4.  You see, an offering is an act of worship. Now, both Cain and Abel brought offerings, as they were supposed to do.  But what made Abel's offering favorable to God?  I believe that it was the fact that Abel's offering wasn't done out of duty, but was a sincere and honest expression of his love and gratitude to an awesome God.  So, in my mind, a sincere bowing of your head to God in reverence and awe during worship will find as much favor with God as will a sincere lifting of your hands in surrender.  I would caution all of us not to judge whether someone's worship is sincere by their lack of what we deem "expression" during worship.  Remember, you can be expressive and it not be a true expression of worship (remember Ananias and Sapphira in Acts).

Issue #3.  Known as the "Rules." You cannot be a Christian and fill in the blank  (drink alcohol, attend a sporting event, watch TV, dance, drive a nice car, travel, smoke, have a tattoo, play the lotto, be a Democrat, be a Republican, have a nice house, have a career, listen to non-christian music, have any sort of "past" at all, wear high heels, own a credit card, have debt, go to a non-christian school, eat at such and such a place, live in California (or D.C. or New York, or Vegas-- I hope you know I'm joking), read non Christian books, do not respond to every alter call by coming forward, watch CNN, be a female in a leadership position, be single, own a cat, eat beef, drink a coke, eat at McDonalds, take an Advil, etc…..)  

Ok, ok, you get it.  We like to make up rules.  I call them man made rules. A lot of them are ridiculous.  A lot of them aren't even biblical.  I'm not talking about the rules that are clearly stated in the Bible.  I'm talking about those grey areas.  Some of them are not even mentioned in the Bible.  Some of them are mentioned, and depending on what scripture you choose, you can prove one rule to be false or true, depending on what you believe.

My point is that I don't believe that being a Christ Follower should be that hard.  That chock full of rules and regulations.  I probably break at least one of these man made rules a day.  And I barely have the time to monitor whether or not I'm doing the right things, let alone whether or not someone else is. That's God's job.  My job is to focus on making my relationship with God the best it can be and to show God's love to others.

What I have done personally is to study these grey issues.  And by study, I mean that I first look and see what the Bible has to say.  And by that I mean that I study every scripture pertaining to the issue.   I pray about the issue.  I can honestly say that there are "rules" that I have decided had merit for me.  That this "rule" helped improve my relationship with God and others, or benefited my physical or mental health.  And then, there are some man stated rules that I do not follow because in my spirit I do not believe they are true for me.  I also recognize and value people may believe differently.  I respect that.  But, I am not going to just follow a man made rule just because someone said it was a rule.  I'm going to test it out, try it, weigh it, and then decide.

The purpose of this post is remind us that the focus of a Christ Follower should be on God.  Not on rules and regulations.  It wasn't the intention of Jesus to make it "harder" to follow God.  His whole purpose in dying on the cross was to make it simpler.  If you are struggling with guilt around these issues, I encourage you to seek out what God wants for you.  Ask for His wisdom and guidance.  Read what He has to say in the Bible.  And then move forward with the right decision for you.  Please be encouraged, God wants you to succeed in following Him.  He doesn't want you to fail.

I'll end with this scripture found in Colossians:

"Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.  These are a shadow of the things that were to come, the reality, however, is found in Christ."  Colossians 2:16-17  NIV

"So don't put up with anyone pressuring you in details of diet, worship services, or holy days.  All these things are mere shadows cast before what was to come, the substance is Christ.  Don't tolerate people who try to run your life, ordering you to bow and scrape, insisting that you join their obsession with angels and that you seek out visions.  They're a lot of hot air."
Colossions 2:16-18 The Message.

I'll leave you with a few photo's of the simple things in life.  Have a great day!

The simple joy of being on or near the water.

The simple joy of going to a local farmers market.

The simple joy of exploring a new street in a new city.

The simple joy of walking down a neat little side street and doing some window shopping.

The simple joy of watching the amazing shadows the sun creates during the daytime.

The simple joy of listening to good music.

I thought we were all on the same team

Have you ever heard or made one of these comments?

"Women/girls are just mean to each other."

"Women are so jealous of each other. "

"Women can't work together."

Hmmmmm.  I know I have heard these comments all my life.  I have even (to my shame) repeated them.  Ok, so really, what's up with this?  I would love to say that there is no truth at all behind these comments, but in all honesty, I can't.  And why is that?  And the bigger question might be, why do we (as women and men) allow this to happen?

"Girls compete with each other.  Women empower on another."

"You can tell who the strong women are.  They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down."

"Life is not about competition.  Life is about connection."

I don't get this divisive mentality.  This need for comparison.  This competitive, jealous, meanness.  It keeps us from getting stuff done, because lets face it, when women come together and work towards a goal, it's powerful.  When we spend time tearing each other down, we all lose.  And, I thought we were all on the same team. When we get caught up in all of this negativity we forget the most important thing about life, life is about connection. And we need to remember that the next generation of young women are watching us, learning how to interact with each other.  Let's be careful what we teach them.  So, my goal is to remember to support the women around me.

I will support the women who do not have children.  Yes, I believe a woman can have a fulfilling life without becoming a parent.  And I support her.  I will not say hurtful, unsupportive phrases like; "You're missing out.", "A woman's main goal in life is to reproduce.", or "You will regret this decision when you are older."  And I will not ask her why she does not  have children.  That's a very personal question and it's none of my business.  She can share that with me if she decides she wants to, or not.

I will support the women who have chosen to have large families.  Again, I believe that there are women who have the gift and desire to mother many children.  I will not ask the question, "You know how that happens right?"  Ummm, I believe she does.  That is her choice.  Parenting is hard, regardless of how many children you have.

I will support the women who have one child. I fall into this category.  And yes, it was my (and my husbands) choice to have just one.  It is the right size for us.  I also understand that some mothers do not have a choice, they can only have one child for whatever reason. And no, I will not answer you or respond to questions/statements about an only child being lonely (believe me, he's not.  I have the large grocery bills from feeding all of his friends to prove it), About only children being spoiled (that has nothing to do with being an only child and everything to do how you parent.  I've meet spoiled children who had 5 siblings.), or the question, didn't my son want siblings (Ummmm… not his call to make, since I'm the one who has to raise them).  Parenting is hard, regardless of how many children you have.

I will support the single mom, regardless of how that came to be.  Let's face it, it is hard enough to parent when you have help from the father.  I can't even imagine how hard it would be do do it all alone!  Parenting is hard.

I will support the career woman.  I will encourage them.  I will celebrate  their success!  I will encourage the young women I come in contact with to pursue their career goals.  Having a successful career is hard work.  And there is honor in working to support yourself family.

I will support the mother who works outside the home!  I will encourage her.  I will let her know that it is perfectly ok  to want to work and have a career. I will not shame her for not being able to attend every event or volunteer for every school event, PTA or Booster club.  I have been a working mother and it is hard.  There is honor in working to support your family.

I will support the mother who stays at home.  I will not make her feel like what she is doing is less important.  I will not make her feel "lazy"  or less intelligent for not working outside the home.  I will let her know that it is perfectly ok to want to stay home and take care of her family.  I will not shame her for not volunteering for every event, PTO or booster club just because I assume she "has the time." I have been a stay at home mom and it is hard. There is honor in staying home and managing the household.

I will support every mother's parenting decisions (within reason, I will not support any decision that is life threatening for your child).  I will recognize that there is value in differing parenting styles.  I will recognize that children are individuals and that the parenting style for each child may differ.  I will recognize that there may be many different ways to handle the same situation and that all of the options have value.  I will recognize that I can learn from another's parenting style.  I will encourage the sharing of ideas, thoughts, approaches, and parenting advice.  I will remember that parenting is hard and there is no such thing as the perfect parent.

"Her success is not your failure."

I will celebrate women's successes.  I will celebrate when good things happen to the women around me.  I will be supportive of women leaders.  I will embrace using words like strong, intelligent, kind,  fascinating, beautiful, amazing, fabulous, productive, brilliant, phenomenal, delightful, impressive, radiant, determined, credible, authentic, adept, elegant, astute, clever, gifted, talented, wise, honorable, respectable, generous, compassionate, confident, eloquent, adventurous, ambitious, faithful, friendly, loyal, nice, powerful, rational, resourceful, thoughtful, bright, capable, encouraging, fearless, harmonious, knowledgeable, skillful and witty when describing the women around me.

And finally, I will encourage and foster healthy relationships with other women in my life.  I will strive to be part of the movement to prove to others that the negative stereotypes about women's friendships do not have to be true.

I wanted to put up photos of the amazing women in my life, but alas, there are too many, and I didn't want to leave someone out.  So instead, I'll post a couple of my favorite photos from our recent trip, that have nothing to do with the above subject ;)  Have a great day!

Monday Morning Discoveries… otherwise known as I have a new theme song

Thanks to my sons recent (and very good) band concert, I now have the theme song from Indiana Jones playing a never ending track in my happy little head.  Like,  ALL. THE. TIME.  And of course, I am now finding it funny and I find this song is replaying in my head at the most inappropriate times.  Got up to go to church yesterday…. cue theme song…. it did make it feel like I was going on a grand adventure while driving up to the front doors.  Instillation ceremony of our new (and very much loved pastor)… you guessed it… cue theme song.  Duh, da, duh, duhhhh!  Da, da, dahhhh.

So of course, this morning, while I am out communing with nature (And by communing with nature I mean I'm out taking care of all the non-native plants that I have now placed all around my house that require watering, weeding, and an insanely large amount of deer off), I am once again hearing this song in my head.  And, call me crazy, but this song actually turns this chore into a new and exciting adventure.  I begin to notice a few things.  Things are looking new, and exotic, and just downright cool.  And just like Indiana Jones, I'm discovering all kinds of treasure.  For example:

Newly unfurling fern leaves are really cool!

And the way the morning sunlight shines through the trees makes the back side of my property look like a really cool, dark, and mysterious jungle (cue music louder).

The Honeysuckle are blooming, which means the return of those exotic looking hummingbirds to our garden.  Yeah!!!

And look at this discovery!  It's a plant, that I've long ago forgotten the name of, that is blooming these exotic looking little purple flowers.  I love the "fuzzy" stuff in the middle (and yes, that is the scientific technical term, fuzzy stuff).

And did you know that when the morning light hits  Iris blooms just right they sparkle more than Edward Cullen does in sunlight?  (Twilight reference, for those that don't know).

And the discovery of this discarded  black snake snakeskin in one of my gardens was informative.  One, it explains the sudden decline in the chipmunk population around my house.  And two, it lets me know that I need to watch where I am stepping while in that garden.  Because although black snakes are not poisonous, they do not enjoy being stepped on, and they do have teeth with which they will defend themselves. And while he is welcome in my garden, neither one of us enjoys a surprise meeting.  Hmmmm, the adventure level just went up a notch. And, it ties in with my new theme song because if I remember right, Indiana Jones had a few run ins with snakes himself.

I also noticed that my mint and catnip are alive and well.  I believe both of these plants could survive the apocalypse.  Which is fine, because they were planted to fill in an area behind the pool that was "deforested" and void of plants due to the pool installation.  And, the deer don't like to eat either one.  Bonus!  And, it straight up smells good when you walk through that area and crush some of the leaves beneath your feet.

My thriving Hosta garden gives testimony to my successful box turtle relocation program (they love to eat my Hostas, so I spend a little time each week discovering, and "relocating" the turtles who have made they're way into said garden).  It also means that the copious amounts of deer off that I spray on an almost daily basis is working as well (since a Hosta  garden is like ringing the dinner bell to deer).

My final "Indiana Jones" treasure discovery was this jar.  This year I decided that we, as a family, would write down all the good news/blessings that happened during the year, as they happened to us, and place them in the jar.  We will open and read them on New Years Day.  It is supposed to remind us of all our blessings.  Now, in the spirit of honesty, I believe I am the only family member who is actively participating in this activity, as evidenced by the handwriting on all these notes being distinctly mine.  SIGH….. However, we will do this and we will be grateful!  Right guys?

Anyway, I digress.  I walked by this jar this morning and did a double take.  It's looking pretty full.  We've not yet completed 5 months of this year, and look at this treasure full of the announcements of the blessings we have already experienced this year.  

This is where the true treasure lies.  And I am grateful.  My heart is overwhelmed.  I am indeed blessed!  

And best of all?  I didn't have to run through a creepy dark cave, jump into a pit full of snakes, or outrun the worlds largest and deadliest rolling stone to get my treasure.  This is the kind of treasure that I want to find  every day.

I'm excited to see what adventures and blessings are in store for the rest of 2014.  So, cue the Indiana Jones theme music and bring it on!

Brave Conversations

I read the following quote this week:

"Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters."

This quote made me think about some of the hard conversations of life, and their importance.  In tying in with my previous theme of giving good advice to graduates, I think I would say that it is important that you have the courage to start hard conversations.  You know what I'm talking about, those needed talks about difficult, embarrassing, or painful situations.

As  a parent, it is important for me to have those hard conversations with my child (especially now that he's a teenager).  You see, I never want my son to come back to me later in life and say that I didn't tell him important information just because it was a conversation that was uncomfortable.  So, as uneasy, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright embarrassing as some of these conversations are, I still have them.  Why?  There are a lot of reasons. Some of these hard topics are important because they have to do with my son staying healthy.  Some of the conversations have to do with keeping him safe-- a way of warning him of potential danger.  Some conversations are what I have entitled "Big Life Mistake Prevention Talks."  You know, talking about the mistakes that follow and affect you throughout your lifetime.  I also use these hard conversations to let my son know what my expectations are.  For example, I expect him to work hard at school and make good grades.

Some of the hardest conversations I have with my son have to do with what I call Character development issues.  Issues like showing respect to others, even if you don't want to.  Or, dealing with mean people, because there are mean people out in the world-- that never goes away-- so I have to help him deal with this issue.  Or the importance of being truthful, having a good reputation, hard work, being grateful,  managing money, having a relationship with God, treating others with kindness, on and on…

You can't be a good parent and avoid the hard conversations.  Even if you do not have the right words, or you stumble over your tongue, or you are just straight up embarrassed-- I still encourage you to have these hard conversations with your kids.  You don't have to be perfect in your delivery, just sincere.  And be willing to let your child ask questions.  Be willing to listen to what they have to say.  Then, you can go to sleep at night in peace knowing that you've left nothing on the table, that you have shared every important piece of information you can with them.

Being courageous enough to have those hard conversations about hard topics is also important in a marriage.  Honest communication goes a long way.  I think the hardest issues to discuss in a marriage are finances and intimacy.  But both of those topics can be huge stumbling blocks to your marriage.  I'm not going to touch on the second topic much other than to say you need to talk about the issue with your spouse.

 I have a few things to say about finances.  It is of great importance that both of you have a working knowledge of your financial situation.  If, God forbid, something happens to one of you, the other spouse needs to be able to make sound, confident financial decisions.  They cannot make those decisions if they do not know where the bank accounts are, how to access them, life insurance policy information, basic car & home insurance information, health care information, loan information, etc…

Budgets are important.  And, I feel that both spouses should be involved in the creation of the budget.  Jeff and I have adopted a modified version of the Dave Ramsey plan.  Basically, this plan requires you to both sit down and be honest about your finances.  Be honest about your income.  Be honest about your bills. Be honest about your spending.  It also offers a plan to pay off debt and make sure that you pay your bills.  One of our favorite parts of this plan is that it allowed each of us to budget for a little individual spending money--money that we could each spend without having to explain or justify where it went to each other.  This plan helped and continues to help Jeff and I come to agreement over money without being upset at each other.  But don't get me wrong-- at first it takes hard work and it makes you accountable.  However, once you are on the same page, it takes most of the anger and unease out of the situation.  It also requires you to BOTH be accountable and responsible, not allowing you to shift the responsibility (and blame) on just one person.

And finally, being brave enough to have hard conversations makes you a better leader and/or boss.  Part of your responsibility as a leader or boss is to mentor those who work for you.  We all love to throw around the positive parts of mentorship, and often don't discuss the harder aspects.  Yes, mentorship involves encouragement, training, skill development, providing advancement opportunities, etc… But a true mentor/leader/boss should also be willing to have those hard conversations with those they are mentoring.  This is the part about being a true leader that no one wants to acknowledge or talk about.  Sometimes, as a leader, you need to call out bad behavior, point out areas where improvement is needed, and yes, even help build character by discussing issues like integrity, truthfulness, punctuality, dependability, willingness to do both the big and small jobs, willingness to go above and beyond what is required, doing quality work, and being respectful of others.  And, sometimes, as a leader you need to be able to tell people that they need to look for another position or job that is better suited to their skills.  Ouch!  (Still want to be a leader?)


So, my continued challenge for myself and for you is to be bold in having courageous (if not hard) conversations with those that matter.  Even if I am embarrassed.  Even if they are hard.  Even if it would be easier for me to not have those conversations. And, always remembering to temper these conversations with love.

Speaking of conversations, the forest around my house has been full of animal "conversations" lately. So I'll leave you with a few photos of some of those animals.  Happy Friday!

We usually hear these guys at night while they are trying to get into trash cans or steal the "drip plate" off of the bottom of the grill.

Believe it or not, these box turtles hiss at you when you pick them up.  They have a fondness for my hosta plants and the smell of my deer off spray doesn't bother them.  So, I nicely "relocate" them back into the woods.

The flying squirrels visit at night.  You can hear their high pitched squeaking before they glide in overhead on their way to our bird feeders.

Unfortunately you can often smell the possum before you can hear or see them.  They are particularly stinky-- once you get o whiff of one, you don't forget it.  The are fun to watch when they have babies. 

Here is a photo of one of the many cute, but noisy, frogs.

You can hear these guys zooming around down by the pool all day long.

And, one of our fuzzy, large honey bees.  They work on my Lavender all summer long.

Walk Your Path...

It's that time of year again.  Spring brings forth new life in abundance.  It is also the time of year when thousands of young people are on the edge of beginning a new life.  I'm talking about graduation.  If you are like me you have started to receive  a lot of graduation announcements in the mail.  I'm at the age now where I look at these announcements and I can't believe that the person graduating is really old enough to be doing so.  And yes, this sometimes reminds me of how old I currently am.  Even worse, these invitations stand out as a reminder that we will be sending these announcements out for our son in a couple of years.  Sigh….

We  will be sending out the numerous congratulations cards with money enclosed, we will attend several graduation parties and share hugs with the beaming graduates and the proud (if not tearful) parents.  And all of that is important.  But as I sit here with the latest round of announcements, I am thinking about what I would say to these graduates that would help them as they move forward. Not that I am all that smart or have an immense amount of wisdom to share.  This is the thought that came to me:

Go out and Walk Your Path.

And this is what I mean by that statement.  A roadmap, if you will, to walking your own path in life.

1.  Walk with Boldness.  Contrary to what anyone else might say, you have to chose your own path.
 It shouldn't be chosen for you.  Now, I'm not saying to completely ignore someone else's advice.  Instead, listen to their advice.  Let it sink in.  Wear it around and see if it sits well within your spirit and on your shoulders.  If it sits well with you, if you can envision this path as one that will bring you satisfaction, it may be the correct path for you.

However,  you need to know that sometimes your path may be vastly different than the one that others would choose for you.   I know that you may have taken umpteen thousand personality and aptitude tests that said you should be a computer programer, but if you do not like computers, it's probably not the path for you.  Aptitude doesn't always equate to career choice.  I love this quote, which says it all:

"Never let people who do not have to live with the results make your decisions."

I would like to stop and acknowledge that choosing your own path can be scary.  I mean, who really knows what they want to be when they grow up at 18 or 24?  I'm going to let you in on a BIG secret. Most of the confident adults that you are currently surrounded with had no clue what they wanted to do or be at 18 or 24 either.  Some did, but not all.  It's ok to not have it all figured out.  Sometimes you just have to step forward on your path with boldness, and trust that it will all work out in the end.

2. Your path may contain unexpected blind corners.  In life, very few pathways are completely straight forward.  Don't be discouraged if you are suddenly presented with a blind corner you didn't see coming.  You may have to slow down and not go so fast.  You will probably need to turn over control to God during these times and trust that he sees every part of the path that you are on, and he will guide you through.  Sometimes these corners are switchbacks, where you feel like you are turning around and going back the way you came.  Be patient.  You may be backtracking a little bit, but what you don't see is that while you may be heading South again instead of North, you are making progress anyway, because you are climbing in elevation.  And the only way for you to climb in elevation safely was on a switchback corner.

The other thing to note is that you may not recognize that you are on a switchback until you are past it and can then look down and back to realize the progress you made.  Switchbacks are hard to get through, but they are not dead ends.

3. Make sure your path is wide enough to allow others to walk with you.  Surround yourself with friends who will encourage you on your path.  Allow room on your path for those who can teach you something about the path you are on.  Those who have walked a similar path and have wisdom that they can share with you to help you navigate your path.  Never let pride narrow your path.  Pride says, I know it all.  Instead, let humility widen your path.  Humility says, I have a lot to learn.  Let love add lanes to your path, so that it includes friends, family, and a spouse  who will help ease your journey by supporting you, traveling with you,  and loving you.

Most importantly, make sure your path has a dedicated lane for God.  Make sure that you heed all the traffic signs that are placed in God's lane.

Be generous with your path.  There will come a time when you can invite others to walk along with you, so that you too may share the wisdom you have gathered with them.  Make room on your path for those who may have lost theirs.  Help them, guide them, encourage them.  Help them find their own path.  Celebrate with others when their paths are made straight and easy.  Guide them when they can't see their path but you can.  Encourage them when they are facing switchbacks on their own path.

4. Take some time to stop and appreciate your path.  Every once and a while it is good to pull over and take a look back.  When looking back, be grateful for how far you have come.  Be grateful for each lane in your path and the person who walked in that lane beside you.  Take a look at the horizon and be grateful for all the beautiful scenery around your path.  Be in awe of all the roadsigns that God has placed on your path that helped you, guided you, encouraged you, and blessed you.

With that, I would like to say to all who are starting out on their life path and to those who are still running their path, finish strong!  Run your race with endurance, grace, love, generosity, peace, and gratitude.  Although you can stop for a few minutes to look back with gratitude, don't stay there.  Remember to turn around and keep moving forward on your path.

With that, I'll leave with with a few photos of some of the beautiful pathways I have enjoyed.

What's Bugging You?

Do you have things that really bug you in life?  Things that just get under your skin?  Actions, or words, or items that you just can't stand? I know I do.

So what bugs me?  Bad car parkers.  You know what I'm talking about.  Those people who take up TWO spaces, usually near the front of the store with their cars.  Those line crossers!  It irks me.  And don't even get me started on the people who do it on purpose because they have a "nice" car and don't want anyone parking next to them.  Seriously??? If you are so concerned about your car getting scratched, don't park it in a parking lot, up front, where everyone else wants to park.  Gah!!!

Something else that gets under my skin are those people on the highway, who clearly see the road sign stating that there is a lane closure ahead, and decide that they are going to run clear up to the end of the lane-bypassing everyone else who followed the rules and got in line-- to try and cut in.  I don't like that.  It just doesn't set well with my sense of fairness.  And, I am going to admit something here and now-- that my kindness disappears when faced with these people.  I am like Gandalf in Lord of the Rings, shouting "You Shall Not Pass!" while edging my car up as close as I can to the car in front of me.  I probably should hang my head in shame at this admission, but the true fact is I don't feel shame in the moment and I am loathe to apologize for something that I am not sorry for.

And, while I am being honest, our media's constant need to cover EVERY little detail about EVERY  trial to the point where I am so sick of hearing about it, bugs me.  I am sick to death of political adds, political attacks, political comments, in general. It bugs me that my grocery store keeps moving products around and making my trip to the store take longer.  And I could go on and on.

But I think the thing that bugs me most, that troubles me most, is unkindness.  I love social media.  I enjoy keeping in touch with people, being able to share a little bit of what is happening in their lives.  However, the unkindness that is often demonstrated in social media bugs me.  I have no issue with someone not liking the presidents "actions."  I don't agree with everything he does either.  But, when that disagreement turns into unkind personal attacks, I draw the line. Is it just me, or does any body else feel like we've crossed the line when someone disagrees with our opinion?  And I'm not just talking about political beliefs here.  I'm not against someone having an opinion.  I even think disagreement can be healthy. It is ok to disagree.  It's not ok to be derogatory or demeaning towards ANYONE.  EVER.  If you find yourself demeaning, devaluing, or degrading someone when defending or expressing your opinion, you need to stop and check yourself.  We need to ask ourselves if our opinions or positions on a subject are more important than the person/people we are addressing.  If that answer is yes, then you are wrong. Just because I may feel like I have the moral high ground on a subject does not give me the right to beat the person who disagrees with me bloody with my words. I have the right to disagree with you.  I do not have the right to be unkind.

To be honest, I am running into more and more people who have been hurt by opinionated Christians.  Deeply hurt.  I think sometimes we loose sight of the fact that we are supposed to first show love to others.  We choose our "convictions" over the commandment of "love one another."  We get so caught up in the fight that we forget that that those who are on the other side are actual live people.  And I have been guilty of this.  I don't know if it is because I am getting older, or because I have at times myself been deeply hurt by the words of another.  But I am finding that more and more I am striving to show kindness and love.  That the need or desire to first show kindness and love to others trumps the need for others to agree with me.  I am not saying that I have laid aside my convictions and beliefs, but they are taking a backseat, so to speak, to love and kindness.

So my challenge to myself and to you is to evaluate my words when disagreeing with someone or some position.  To make sure that I am talking or writing with kindness.  To make sure that while I may disagree with the opinion, I'm not slipping into that tempting area of personal attack.  To make sure that I never loose sight of the fact that my first goal is to treat everyone with kindness first.


So, since we are on the subject of bugs, I'll leave you with a few photos of some of my favorite buggy friends.  Have a great day!

Appreciation

Appreciation.  Everyone wants to feel appreciated, to feel that what they do matters.  This week is a big week set aside for appreciation of some very important people.  This week is Nurse's week.  Having recently had surgery, I appreciate all the hard work that nurses do.  It is also Teacher appreciation week.  If you know me at all, you know that I'm a big fan of teachers!  A good teacher makes a huge difference in a students academic achievement.  And then this week finishes off with one of the biggest days set aside for appreciation, Mother's Day.  I appreciate not only my mom, but all mothers who are doing the important work of raising children!

I think it is good to set aside these days to honor those around us and everything they do to make our lives better.  I gladly participate in these events.  However, I want to aspire to something greater than just setting aside one day to honor those around me.  My goal in life is to truly see and honor those around me on a daily basis for what they do to make life better.  And I understand that this, at least for me, requires me to live in such a way that I am mindful of what is taking place around me.

For example, I know and understand that when I go out to eat, I am paying for the food and service.  And it is easy to slip into the thought that because I am paying for it, nothing more needs to be done or said.  But one of things that I truly love and appreciate about going out to eat is the fact that I can have a great meal that requires no effort of me.  I am allowed to sit back, be served, enjoy time with those at the table, and not worry about shopping for the food, preparing the food, serving the food, and clean up.  So, because I appreciate that others are doing those things for me, I try to make sure and say simple things like thank you to those who are serving our meal.  I want them to know that I value what they are doing.  And I find, that by showing my appreciation, my enjoyment of the moment is increased as well.

When I am focused on appreciation, I am more aware of the good that is happening in that moment.  It enhances my enjoyment of life. But what I truly love about appreciation is that when it is expressed verbally to others, it enhances their enjoyment of life as well.  It's a win-win.  Both parties involved gain something positive from a moment of expressed appreciation.

So, my challenge to myself, and to you, is to not only appreciate those around you, but to express your appreciation.  Make sure you let others know that what they do matters.  And if no one has told you lately-- let me say-- I appreciate you and everything you do!  What you do matters!

I'll leave you with a side note of saying thank you to everyone who has prayed for me during my surgery and recuperation!  To those who have brought food to my family, hauled my kiddo around, sent texts and messages and cards.  I appreciate you greatly!  What you have done for me matters!

Finally-- I'll leave you with  a few photos of Park Guell in Barcelona.   The Park was built by Antoni Gaudi.  The original plan had called for it to be a residential English-style garden city, with 60 houses set in formal gardens.  Gaudi worked on the project from 1900-1914.  It proved to be an economic disaster, and only three houses were completed.  You see, Gaudi's style was considered, well, weird.  People just didn't "get" him.  It wasn't linear.  It was wildly colorful.  His work was under-appreciated.

However, here's what we understand and know now.  He refused to change the topography of the land, working with the natural rises in elevation rather than leveling them off.  He refused to cut down the old trees that were already growing there, instead choosing to work around them, and even being inspired by them.  A lot of the mosaic tile work is recycled bits and pieces of broken tiles from a nearby tile factory (these pieces would have been thrown away).  Hidden away in the architecture are water catchment systems and underground water cisterns.  This cistern and rain catchment system is used to irrigate the parkland, since there are no other natural sources of water located there.

These columns are hollow in order to provide a channel for rain water to the cistern.

Deemed a failure in it's day,  and unappreciated, this eccentric hilltop park is now considered one of the city's treasures.  Thousands flock to this park to enjoy it's beauty and amazing views.  Isn't it amazing what a little appreciation can do?