I do not fully understand Rugby, although I do enjoy watching it. I'm just not sure what the rules are and why they do some of the things they do. I do not completely comprehend photosynthesis, although I understand the basic workings of it. It is still a wonder to me that this complex, yet simple system, brings nourishment to the plants around me and at the same time helps to sustain the life forms around it by producing the oxygen most life forms need in order to function. For that matter, I do not fully understand this complex thing called nature. It's a mystery to me that a school of fish can turn completely in sync with one another in a matter of a few seconds, or that a Cicada can basically hibernate for 17 years underground and then emerge. We had that happened a few years ago and it was creepy, fascinating, and extremely loud! As much as I know about people, about what makes them tick, so to speak, there are still things I'll never fully comprehend about them. Heck, I'm still learning new things about myself every day.
And the list could go on and on about the things I do not understand. And I will admit, I am one of those people who likes to have an explanation, or meaning, or understanding of things. I like to know the "why" of it. I am not a believe it just because someone said it kind of person. I want proof. I like to do my own research and find out my own truth of the matter. Which isn't a bad thing. I encourage you to not believe everything you hear. You should weigh it, research it, and do some critical thinking about the matter at hand.
But, the fact remains, there are just some mysteries in life that are just that, mysteries. They defy logic. They defy explanation. There is little or no conclusive evidence to support or negate these things (for lack of a better word). And, those things can drive a person like me crazy. They don't fit neatly into any box. They bring a little clutter or chaos into life. And, yet, my brain still tries to find a place to fit these things. To neatly file them away in the proper place.
And that brings me to my point. You see, God is still somewhat of a mystery to me. As much as I strive to get to know God, as much as I understand about God, there's still those pieces of God that I do not understand. I will admit, that there are times I have said to God, "Really? That's really how this is going to go down?" or "I don't understand". Many times I have felt alternately angry at God, disappointed by God, overwhelmed by His love, overwhelmed by His goodness, overwhelmed by His grace, humbled in His presence, grateful for His blessings, confused by Him, unworthy of Him, awed by Him, ….. the list goes on.
I found myself striving to fully understand God, yet frustrated beyond belief at my inability to do so. Just when I thought I knew him fully, I would learn some new aspect of Him. And my mind would be blown away. You see, God, for me, doesn't fit neatly into a box. And I like boxes, and neatness, and non-cluttered, non- chaotic spaces. I like endings that I can understand. I like things to make some sort of sense to me.
And yet, as complicated as God is. As complex. As layered. As diverse. I have found that there are a few characteristics that are constant and never changing about God. The first constant is this: God loves me. God loves you. His love is sometimes beyond my comprehension, but it is always there. ALWAYS. Even when I doubt His love, it doesn't change the fact that He loves me. You see, I have learned that just because I don't "feel" love doesn't mean it's not there. Feelings are not a reliable measuring stick in life. They are fickle, easily changed, and easily influenced. The hard times I face in life are not because of a lack of love from God. God's love is just there-- I haven't earned it and I haven't lost it.
The second constant is this. God is aware of every aspect of my life. There is not a sorrow that He doesn't know about. There is not a joy that He doesn't know about. He is not an uninvolved God. By that I mean He doesn't just sit up "there" somewhere, uncaring, unseeing, and without action. Sometimes His actions or reactions may not be how I want Him to react. He doesn't always do what I want or expect Him to do. And there are times when I have felt like He didn't care, or was unaware. Again with that feeling issue. That doesn't mean He isn't involved. It just means He's God and He's in control, not me. (Which we can agree is a good thing, me not being in control of everything). Parenting has helped me understand this constant better. There have been times that I have been aware of sorrows in Keagan's life, but I have not acted because he needed to learn those life lessons on his own. It doesn't mean that I was uninvolved-- in fact one of the hardest things for me to do was to sit back, and let him learn on his own.
The last constant is that God is good. He brings good things about in my life. Being a God follower makes me a better person. Period. If I am TRULY following what He says, I'm a better person. If I completely embrace the command of "Love one another," then I am more kind, more loving, more generous, and more compassionate than I normally would be. It sets a high standard for me to try and attain. And I fail often (but then I refer to constant number one, get up, and try again). If I Forgive others like God asks, then I am a more peaceful member of society, more gracious, and more understanding. And I fail at this often (refer back to constant number one, get up, and try again). If I help others like God asks, then I am more generous, more welcoming, and more charitable. And I fail at this often (again refer to constant number one, get up, and try again). However, this last constant is one of the main reasons I choose to be a God follower. I am a better person for having God in my life. I know the changes that God has rendered in me. I know what I would be like without God in my life.
I am still striving to know and understand God. And I am learning new things about Him everyday. There are more constants about God that I didn't list. I am not a theologian, a minister, or an expert. I'm just a simple person, going through life like everyone else. I am aware that I will never fully comprehend God. My little brain just can't handle it, or completely grasp all of what it means to be God. That's ok. There are many things in this life that I will never comprehend fully. But I can say that I do know the One who does, and He loves me, He is aware of every aspect of my life, and He is good.
I'll leave you with a few photos of this beautiful, mysterious world we live in.
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