"One of my favorite things about you is that whenever you do something stupid, you don't hide from it. Instead you're like, Okay so I have to tell you what I just did.... and that makes me laugh."
"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all you may be missing out on the joke of the century."
Ok. So, I don't know if anyone else needs this but I'm declaring today a day of laughter. Why, because there's not been a lot of laughter to be had lately. I'll get back to being serious tomorrow. But as for today? I'm going to laugh. Hope you can join me. I have already admitted to having a slightly twisted and weird sense of humor, and the following story show just how weird I really am.
In an effort to be healthier, I have been drinking a glass of cranberry juice a day because it is supposed to help things like artery and bladder health. What I have been drinking is 100% juice, but it has been a mixture of Cranberry and grape juice. I decided I could probably go one step further, so I ventured into the "health" food section of the store. There I found a 100%, no sugar added Cranberry juice. Perfect.
The next day, I poured myself a tall glass of my new "healthier" juice. I tipped it up and drank a great big mouthful. Immediately, I discovered why there seemed to be a gazillion bottles of the stuff on the shelf. To say it tasted horrible would be an understatement. Not only did it taste like weirdly flavored chalk, it immediately (and for the entire day) sucked every bit of moisture out of my mouth. Gah! Of course, just in case all my taste buds and nerves were having an "off" moment, I had to try one more swig. Verdict. Yup, that is the most disgusting, hideous, drink on the entire planet. There is a reason that they mix cranberry juice with other juices. It is because no one in their right mind would EVER drink this stuff in it's pure form. I'm highly convinced that you could torture war criminals with this stuff and they would immediately confess and give away all their secrets.
Which, of course, led me to figure out how I could use this nasty concoction that I had paid nine dollars for to torture other poor, unsuspecting family members. Hmmmmm. I immediately set my sights on Jeff. That day I hatched my plan. I decided to have a little mercy on him and put the plan into action after dinner because I hated to ruin his food, especially since I took the time to cook it. So, after dinner, when our tummies were happy and full, and we were relaxed and watching T.V., I struck.
I told him I had bought some new Cranberry Juice and wasn't sure if I liked it. Did he want to try? Of course he said yes. All it took was one swig for him. But the look on his face was worth the $8.50 that we wasted as we went over and poured the rest of the offending concoction down the sink. Me, still chuckling over Jeff's pinched face. Told you my sense of humor is twisted.
Anyway, there's going to be no big reveal of the moral of the story on the blog today. Instead, I'm going to leave you with a few quotes I have read recently that had me chuckling. Oh, and maybe a cute photo. Have a great and happy Thursday!
"Had a big mix up at the store today. Apparently when the woman said, Strip down facing me, she was referring to my credit card."
"There are only 2 ingredients that make up trail mix....M&M's and disappointment."
"I hate it when you open the fridge and can't find what you're looking for. Like happiness and perfect abs."
"Someday, when you clean all the toilets, you can stay up late and eat the secret ice cream too."
The Tony Starks (Ironman) movie line from the Avengers when he meets the Hulk. "Dr. Banner, your work is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster."
"Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues."
"What I love about our friendship is that it's based upon conversations no sane person should ever have. Ever."
"Pinterest law #1: For every workout plan on Pinterest there is an equal and opposite dessert recipe."
"Don't you just love those 12 seconds when all the laundry is done?"
"When someone yells STOP, I never know if it's in the name of love, it's Hammertime, or if I should collaborate and listen."
"At my funeral, when they're lowering me into the ground, I demand they play Drop it like it's hot."
"Here's to every mother who has ever eaten a candy bar in the closet because frankly, you just didn't want to share."
"I may look like I'm having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what food I'm going to eat later."
And some of the best lines from that great movie Elf:
"I'm sorry I ruined your lives and crammed 11 cookies in the VCR."
"He's an angry elf!" This is saying is liberally used in our household in a totally mocking way ;)
"You smell like beef and cheese. You don't smell like Santa."
"This place reminds me of Santa's workshop except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me."
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