"Our kids are growing up on a digital playground and no one is on recess duty."
In this day and age of the internet, online gaming, smartphones, etc. you have to almost have a PHD in Computer science and technology to keep up. I have a degree in Computer Science, and I'm a lost ball in high weeds. I feel like I'm always one step behind the kids. Just when I think I know all the apps that are out there like twitter, facebook, instagram, vine, snap chat, a new one called ask.fm shows up. I hear about it from another mom. Ugh!
I spend countless hours burrowing through countless "selfies" -- which are self portraits BTW, usually taken in hideous bathrooms (for reasons unknown to me). I read about 20 gazzillion hours of teenage angst-- things like, "I'm so in love with my BF (boyfriend). He's the greatest!" Next day--"He was such a tool (which is not good I guess). I hope I never see him again." Next hour-- "I so love him! Forever yours babe!" Ok. Whatever. I endure all of this to make sure that my teenager has not put anything out there that I should be aware of. And to make sure that he is not on the receiving end of stuff I should be aware of.
Ok, cue James Bond theme song here. We have installed net nanny on all of the home computers. The parental controls and passwords are set up on the T.V.'s. There's a tracking device installed on his phone. We have a password set up so that all app purchases have to go through me or my husband. There's an app that we have that lets us see every text sent to my son and every outgoing text sent from his phone. I have the password to his Facebook account so that I can check up on that as well. It is the greatest timesuck EVER invented. This has turned into a full time job. And this digital media world is the reason that all mothers are now slightly insane.
I know that some will argue the privacy issue. And I say, that in this day and age where I can be held legally responsible for what my kid does, it is my responsibility to be as informed as I can be about his activities. It is also my duty to keep him safe. There are a lot of creepy people out there just looking for an opportunity to harm my child. And yes, I have plans to completely go James Bond on him and have a tracking device installed on his car. Just sayin'. And that's just the technology end. We haven't even covered the other stuff and I am already overwhelmed.
I miss the simpleness of the younger years sometimes.
"The days are long but the years are short."
"You are making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be."
But I now have a 15 year old. We are deep in the season of preparing him to leave the nest. We have 2 years left until college happens. I spend a lot of time second guessing myself. Hoping that I'm making the right decisions. Praying for wisdom and PATIENCE. Trying to instill in him all the stuff he needs to know and everything he needs to be able to do in order to become a productive member of society. Making sure he has good character. Making sure he works hard in school. It's a weird balance between being tough and being soft; between having control and letting go; between having fun and not overlooking the serious things in life; between letting him have some responsibility but not too much responsibility.
"Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride."
Whoever came up with the quote "There is no greater leadership challenge than parenting" must have been dealing with teenagers. The teenage thought process is something to behold. There are times I'm sure that he has dropped his brain on the floor and forgotten to pick it up. And I think somehow, all lawyers are teenagers who never grew into adulthood, because my teenage son can lay out a final argument like he's a top lawyer at Goodwin Procter. Sigh...
I do not hold myself up as being the person to come to for parenting advice. I'm muddling along with the rest of you. But I would say this. Put God first in your home. Be courageous--address issues head on. If something isn't working, don't be afraid to try something different. Be as consistent as you can. Be an advocate for your child. Don't be afraid to point out when they do something wrong. Tell them you love them more often than you tell them what they are doing wrong. Pray for your children. Pray for wisdom. Be engaged. Get involved in their life. Don't be a helicopter parent (one who hovers around all the time). Let them make mistakes. Explain why and what you are doing. Admit you are wrong when you are. HUG each other. LAUGH together. EXPLORE together. READ together. CRY with them. PRAY some more. Tell them that you enjoy their company. Promote character. Have consequences for actions good and bad. Teach them about money-- how to save it, how to handle it, how to be fiscally responsible, and to pay their bills. Teach them about respect. Teach them kindness. Teach them to work hard. Encourage critical thinking and creativity. Be interested in their hobbies and activities. Encourage them to take risks. Pray some more.
But,
"Don't let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one."
It is challenging, but I see glimpses of the man he is becoming. Who he can be. He has a great work ethic (outside of our house). He has a willingness to be helpful to others. He's smart. He's kind. He's articulate. He will be a great leader one day. He's thoughtful. He's quick to laugh. He enjoys adventure. He's handsome. He enjoys eating a great meal. He has a great love for music. He loves to travel. He likes to meet people. He's resilient. He's mechanical. He enjoys and appreciates nature. He tries new things. He's not afraid to voice his opinion. He's good with younger kids. He's protective. etc...
I am not saying my son is perfect. I'm not perfect. I have great hope that with God's help, we'll make it through these next few years. We may even look back on them and laugh. If you are a parent, make sure you take time to enjoy the journey. It does go fast. We are going to enjoy this holiday weekend making more family memories. I hope you get to do the same.
"Parenting is as crazy as circumnavigating the globe without a map.... but, oh what a journey!"
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