Like the time I tried to cut up a whole chicken....Here's the backstory... Jeff and I were newly married and extremely broke. Like, after bills, we had very little money left for food and gas broke. And while shopping for food, Jeff pointed out to me that it was cheaper to buy the whole chicken rather than a cut up one. Granted, it was like only maybe 50 cents cheaper, but did I mention we were broke, and Jeff was in college, and I was working at a daycare, and we had no money. I mean broke.... and our apartment was all electric heat--with big windows--during the coldest winter on record in Colorado--broke--like in our heating bill was bigger than our rent payment-- broke. Seriously, we wore layers and coats inside our apartment all winter long. People would come over and try to hand me their coats, and I was all like, ummmm... you might want to keep that on.
Anyway, back to the chicken story. I argued with Jeff over that chicken. I had never, ever, in my life cut up a whole chicken. But Jeff finally convinced me that it was easy-- any idiot could cut up a chicken, and we could buy something sweet to eat with that extra 50 cents.... and so we came home with a whole chicken, a lot of Top Ramen Noodles, and a 50 cent box of brownie mix. The next evening I pulled out that chicken along with my new Betty Crocker cookbook that we had received as a wedding present, determined to roast and cut up said chicken. Thank God the cookbook told me to remove the "innards" from the chicken, that could have been interesting. So, I put all the ingredients together, and slapped that bad boy into the oven. The whole place smelled so good. But then the time came to remove said chicken and cut it up. That's when I discovered that apparently, this idiot couldn't cut up a chicken. Not for lack of trying, or cut and bruised fingers. Jeff arrived home to a few pieces of mangled chicken, and a wife whose hands were covered in bandaids. He looked at me, and then at that poor chicken sitting on a plate on an elegantly dressed table (as elegant as we got back then which meant a tablecloth, wedding china and candles) and said, "What on earth did you do to that chicken?" At which point I gave him the stare of death, and promptly marched into the bedroom and slammed the door to have a good cry. My carefully planned dinner turned into an astounding, and somewhat costly, failure.
Or how about the time I decided to take up yoga on the advice of my doctor after having fallen down some stairs and injuring my back. I was practically giddy with the idea of learning a new skill, and getting healthy, and just overall looking like all of those fantastic famous women who "practiced" yoga to stay fit and healthy. And, if I could help strengthen the muscles in my back at the same time? Win, win! Ha! How hard can this be, it's just stretching and balance, right? I mean, it was almost like cheating-- getting a workout with little effort. Plus, I got to go out and buy some cute "yoga" clothing and a pretty colored mat. Cool! And then, I actually tried yoga. The first pose, Child's pose, didn't look so bad. Except that I noticed as I looked at the yoga instructor that she could like fold up in this tight little ball, and she could really bend at her waist, and oh wow, her arms actually can touch the floor in that position? Ok, well, I was close...it's all good. And then we moved to the next pose which involved what I now recognize is a type of a plank, but it had a really pretty name. I moved into that position no problem. But then we stayed there. For like a REAAALLLY LOOONNNNGGG time. And my arms began to shake....Houston, we might have a problem. Then the instructor began to talk about breathing... Deep breath in.... Deep breath out.... Except I was more like panting. Ok, so I need to work on my breathing....We finally moved on to Downward Facing Dog. I think I might have actually snorted out loud laughing when I heard the instructor name the position. Whatever. This position felt really good on my back. Ok, yoga is redeeming itself again. Until the instructor said this phrase, "Now slowly relax your legs and ankles to where your feet are flat on the floor." Ok, how do you even relax anything in this position? And my arms are doing that shaking thing again. Then we did the impossible thing of lifting one leg into the air, and breathing, and relaxing....I was so grateful when we made it upright into warriors pose that I could have cried. I was feeling like I could rock warriors pose like a freaking yoga warrior princess. That is until we added movement to the pose. We had to lift our arms up, then move them to the sides outstretched, and then twist at the waist, remembering to breathe, and then we got to put one hand down on the ground and look up with soft eyes... What the what? Soft eyes? My whole body was shaking, I couldn't control my breathing, and I was supposed to relax and look up. Right..... I'm not sure what expression I had on my face at this point, but I'm reasonably sure that my eyes were not "soft."
Oh my, I'm laughing so hard at myself right now and my confident journeys into failure. And I know that these are some funny, and relatively harmless examples. I know that sometimes failure has bigger consequences than just sore muscles or cut up fingers. But I have also learned that at some point in our lives we are going to fail. And, if failure is going to happen, I want to make sure that I do so spectacularly and that I walk away from that failure with some form of new knowledge on how to do better next time. I do not wish to avoid risks because I am afraid to fail. You see, I need to quit letting the fear of failure rule me. When I refuse to try something new because of fear of failure, I miss out on learning new things. I miss out on some the the greatest joys and laughter. I do not want the fear of failure to keep me from living a full life. And it is important for me to not judge myself solely on my failures, I'm made up of so much more than that. And so are you! You are a compilation of both failures and successes.
I'm reading a book by one of my new heroes, Bob Goff, entitled "Love Does." It's all about doing what God has called us to do, which is to love greatly. And loving greatly requires being willing to take some risk. Being willing to fail. But I would rather fail while loving greatly than to play it safe and be stingy with love. I find that it's a little bit like yoga, in that loving greatly requires me to stretch myself by being in positions that are a little uncomfortable, positions where I am barely maintaining my balance and gasping for breath. And sometimes, like when I tried to cut up that chicken, loving greatly leaves its mark on me in the form of some small cuts that I have to bandage and heal.
Back to the chicken and the yoga. Jeff and I have come to a marriage saving agreement regarding chicken. I buy it whole or cut up, depending on what I am in the mood to cook. However, if I buy it whole, it is his duty to cut that sucker up. I'm not, nor will I ever be, good at cutting up a chicken. I just wasn't born with that gift. And as far as yoga goes, I'm still doing it. I'm not saying I do it well, but I'm still learning. I've gained a little more strength and breath control. The soft eyes thing... not so much. One of these days I'm going to be brave enough to practice my yoga in front of a great big mirror so I can laugh at myself...
Go out this week and love greatly! Go out and if you fail, do so spectacularly! Then learn from it and go out again. And, if you are cooped up inside with nothing to do, pick up the book "Love Does." I think it will stretch you and challenge you, in all the right ways.
I'll leave you with a few photos of the leaning tower of Pisa. What an example of spectacular failure. This crazy tower, that is not straight, that is leaning, would be viewed by many as an architectural failure. And yet, because of its failure, it is now one of the most visited sights in the world. Go figure.
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