No Need for perfection…..Or It's all Martha's fault.

It's Monday,  one of the most dreaded days of the week for some people.  Monday is what I call the reminder day… the day you are reminded of all the work you didn't get done…. the day that you are reminded that some of your chores/work are unpleasant…. the day that you are reminded that there are schedules and deadlines to meet.  Sometimes Monday reminds us that we are not perfect…not even close.  Monday is the "let down day."

Do you ever feel like you are Monday?  That no matter what you do, you are a disappointment, a failure, imperfect?  A reminder of all that can go wrong?

I think, as humans in general, we put a lot of emphasis on perfection.  And, as a woman, I blame Martha Stewart  (sort of).  I mean really?  No one I know can perfectly fold a fitted sheet.  I watched Martha school Oprah one day on television… trying to teach her how to fold the fitted sheet perfectly.  I feel slightly better that Oprah failed the test (however, she can afford to pay someone to fold them for her).  And who has the time (or the will power) to iron sheets?  Not this chica.  I finally saw an idea (on pinterest  of course) where you put the folded flat sheet and the semi-folded fitted sheet inside the matching pillow case and voila,  a nice and easy way to store your sheets.  GENIUS!   Of course, we all know that even Martha isn't perfect (even she wore prison orange for a while).   But, she can fold a perfect fitted sheet like a boss!

Anyway, back to perfection…We strive to wear the perfect outfit, maintain the perfect house, have the perfect job, have the perfect body, have perfect hair, eat the right kinds of food, drink the right types of drinks, and raise the perfect kids (hahahaha… the only people with perfect kids are those who haven't had them yet). We try to be the perfect Christian  by attending the perfect amount of church services, praying the perfect prayer,  perfectly reading the complete Bible every year, participating in the perfect amount of church activities, and saying the perfect thing 100% of the time (and it's best if we can quote a scripture that supports our point). We must worship the perfect way(make sure you raise your hands and clap on cue to show that you are actively participating in worship)  and respond to the correct  alter calls (but only respond to those that don't expose anything we want to remain hidden i.e. respond to those saying we want to draw closer to God, but not respond to those that call for any kind of repentance because we might expose the fact that we aren't perfect).  We have to make sure that our kids are dressed perfectly. Not too risqué -- especially the girls, but not too old fashioned.  No skulls or anything that might be considered too edgy.  Definitely no tattoos or piercings other than your ears. Our children must attend the perfect amount youth programs and functions to show that they have a "true" relationship with God.  And on and on it goes.

Let me stop you right now if you are feeling burdened by perfection.  Perfection is a myth.  Now, I have to say, I like things that are done well.  I like to do things well.  And, I strive to do things to the best of my ability.  But I've decided to kick this thought of utter and complete perfection to the curb.    I'm "letting it go" as the Disney song states.  Good-bye perfection, I never really knew you and I don't particularly like how you made me feel about myself or life in general. The whole reason that God sent his son to earth was because we, as humans, can never be perfect.

"You do not have to be perfect to be loved by God."

"God doesn't love some future version of you, God loves you as you are right now."

"You are loved beyond measure.  Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely.  Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly.  Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely.  He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken."

Here's what you need to understand about yourself, and about the people around you.  God loves you.  He knows everything about you, and He loves you.  He knows every dark thought, every misdeed, every mistake you have ever made.  And He loves you.  You can turn away from God's love, but that doesn't change the fact that He loves you.  You will never outrun God's love.  You will never go to a place where God's love for you can't follow.  And, there is nothing you can do to earn God's love.  It just is.  It is constant.  Can you disappoint God?  Sure, but He will still love you.  Can you reject His love?  Sure, but He will still love you.  Your refusal to accept or acknowledge His love for you doesn't change the fact that His love is still there.

So, I guess what I'm saying to you is that God's love isn't based on you achieving perfection.  Don't confuse God's love with the love of people.  Often, people's love for you is conditional.  God's isn't. God loves you right now, right where you are at, right in the middle of your mess.

I'll leave you with a few photos today from nature.  These photos prove that there is beauty in imperfection.

These flowers are at the end of their "life", but they still hold a kind of imperfect beauty.

This spider web was almost completely destroyed by the rain, yet enough of the web held together to support the raindrops, which make it look like a jewel encrusted thread.

IL Dolce Far Niente… the sweetness of doing nothing

I'm back from my recent visit home to Colorado.  I enjoyed spending time with family, celebrating milestones (my Dad's 70th birthday), and the time spent in my home state enjoying all the beauty there.  We were able to take the time one day and travel over to Estes Park and through Rocky Mountain National Park.  While visiting the park we went over Trail Ridge Road and stopped near the top, which is at a little over 12,000 feet above sea level.  Needless to say, the views from up there are stunning!  It's almost like you are kissing the sky up there!

Everyone has heard/knows the analogy that says life is like climbing a mountain, right?  Well, what they leave out of that analogy is that climbing a mountain is hard work.  As you climb in elevation, the air gets thinner and it's harder to breathe.  In Colorado, there is a point on the mountain that we refer to as timberline.  Timberline is the point at which the climate becomes to harsh for trees (i.e. timber) to grow.  Once you get past timberline, there is nothing to block the wind, so you are left to feel the full force of the wind without any shelter available.  The temperature gets colder the higher you climb.  Not to mention the snow.  Have you ever tried to walk through snow that is waist high? It's not easy.

Yup, climbing a mountain is not easy.  And, often when you reach the top, what you discover is that there is yet another, higher mountain behind it that you now must climb.  That's a pretty accurate description of life.

The other day I was feeling like I had just climbed a 14ner-- that's a mountain that is 14,000 feet or higher.  There are people who spend their lives trying to climb every fourteener.  Let's be clear here, I'm not one of those people (unless I can climb it in a car).  Anyway, back to the point.  I was tired, short of breath, and not looking forward to my next climb.  So, I looked at my husband and announced that I was taking a day to stop and rest. I needed some reflection time.  I needed to take some time to be grateful, at peace, and be quiet.

I'm here to tell you today that sometimes, when you reach the top of one of your mountain, it's ok to take a little time to stop and enjoy the view.  Look around.  Breathe in the crisp, clean air.  Don't rush into worrying about how you are going to climb that next mountain.  And don't look over at someone else's mountain with envy.  Chances are, if you really knew what they had to go through to get to the top of their mountain, you would pass on climbing that one.

Find a spot where you can rest and reflect.  Look down into the valley where you started.  Be grateful that you made it through all the way to the top.  Look up at the sky.  Sit back and rest.  Rest your soul and mind.  Watch the clouds as they pass by overhead.  Listen to the wind as it rushes by. Enjoy the quiet peace that you often find on top.  Take in the full 360 view.  The Italians have a saying "Il Dolce Far Niente"-- it translates to the "sweetness of doing nothing."  Take a moment to stop and do nothing but just be, just to soak up the moment of the mountaintop experience.  It's ok to allow yourself that moment, no matter what anyone else says.  

Then, when you feeling grateful, refreshed, and renewed, you can begin to look forward to your next climb.  Knowing that you have already conquered one mountain, so you can, and will, conquer another.  

I wish you a happy, restful Monday!  I'll leave you with a few more photos of the mountaintops of Colorado.  Enjoy!

It's a Good day to have a Good Day...

My husband and I were watching a show the other day (a design show on HGTV) and in one of the rooms, the designer posted this saying-- Today is a Good Day to have a Good Day.  Of course, being the people we are, we looked at each other and immediately decided to add this saying into our ever growing list of Benintendi house phrases that we use.

Now, let me be honest here.  Lately, we've had a few rough days.  Not tragic, but definitely a little ragged around the edges.  Rough parenting days where we've had to do a little tough love with our son.  Rough days of trying to help some friends through some extremely tough life circumstances by  praying with, listening to, and helping where we can with some really, really  heartbreaking situations.  Demanding work issues.  Normal life kinds of days, but still a little tough.

And I'll be honest with you, I looked at Jeff the other day and told him I was feeling more than a little tired, and I wasn't sure that I had any brain capacity left to make a good decision.  You know, the kind of tired that you could sleep for a week.  And, if I'm really going to be honest with you, maybe even a little discouraged.  Feeling like what we were doing just wasn't enough.

And, in the midst of all that-- I remembered these verses:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people,  especially to those who belong to the family of believers."  Galatians 6:9-10

"For the king trusts in the Lord; through the unfailing love of the Most High he will not be shaken."
Psalm 21:7

Whether you  are having some rough around the edges days, or some down right full on days of battle -- I encourage you to take a minute and let these verses soak in.  Re-read them.  There is strength and hope to be found in these verses.  More strength and hope than I could ever give you in a years worth of blogging.  Look at the promises--in Galatians-- it says we will reap.  Not that we might reap.  Not a maybe.  And in Psalms it states that we  will not be shaken.  Trust God.  Trust in His love for you.  He's got your back.

Which brings me back to the phrase, Today is a good day to have a good day.  I'm going to take today, trust in these promises, and have a good day.  I'm going to keep on doing good, trusting in the fact that today's acts, decisions etc… will result in harvest.   I'm going to trust that because God loves me, He will keep me steady-- that I will not be shaken.  And I hope you do the same.

So be encouraged today-- Today is a good day to have a good day!

I'll leave you with a photo of the walls around Dubrovnik, Croatia.  These walls have withstood storms, war, invasion, and multiple earthquakes.  Despite everything that has been thrown at them, they are still standing, doing what they were designed to do.

Getting up off the Floor… or, I'm older now and getting back up isn't as easy as it used to be

So, last I left you, I had fallen and couldn't get up.  Let me tell you, as I get older, getting back up off the floor isn't as easy as it used to be.  You see, I'm a little more stiff (more set in my ways), I've developed some squeaky joints (bad habits) that don't easily go away.  I am going to have to start moving in  a new and different way to work out the stiffness and joint creaks.

Which brings me to the question of what is this new way of moving?  What does it look like?  What do I need to do?  One of my first clues was found in a scripture I read while yet again reading a book by Jen Hatmaker, and here it is:

"Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible."  1 Corinthians 9:19  NIV

I really like how the Message states this verse:

"Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized--whoever.  I didn't take on their way of life.  I kept my bearings in Christ -- but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view.  I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God saved life.  I did all this because of the Message.  I didn't just want to talk about it: I wanted to be in on it."  1 Corinthians 9:19-23

You see, what I am being called to is the ultimate servanthood.  It is easy to give a little money to a cause (which I will still do).  But if that is all you do, it allows you to remain somewhat distanced from the issue. It allows you to keep your hands clean, so to speak.  To not really delve into the mud and muck that is contained in real human problems. It, dare I say it, assuages our guilt, lets us off the hook, so to speak.  We can walk away feeling like we did something about the problem without getting too involved.  Now, don't get me wrong here, I will still give money to certain charities and organizations because I'm one person and I can't do it all.  But I am not going to stop there.

This sounds simple.  And in a way it is simple.  But it requires some sacrifice.  It requires time.  It requires humility.  It requires me to really, truly listen to people--even if I do not agree with their viewpoint, lifestyle, or decisions.  It requires me to be bold enough to care and love on people, regardless of what others may think about me or them. You see, I think some of the very people we shun as a church in general, are the very people that Jesus would have dined with.  It requires me to acknowledge and recognize my own great need for God's salvation in my life and to recognize that everyone starts out that way.  Everyone.  My own sin is no better than anyone else's.  It still required a great sacrifice.  I am learning to turn loose of judgement and instead cling to love.  Although I have always been more than willing to "help" those around me out, I'm not sure I have always been willing to truly serve them.  It's such a small shift in my thinking.  But it's also a huge one. And I am here to tell you, that it isn't always easy.

This is a messy process.  I'm starting to hear about people's struggles and issues-- and believe me, it's hard to listen to sometimes.  There are many times I have to repeat the phrase "God loves them so I love them" over and over and over again in my head.  It's about forgiveness. It's about extending mercy and grace. It's about seeing them as God sees them, not how I see them. It's about redemption. There are times I wish I didn't know what I now know. It's a little bit scary sometimes, to put myself out there, not knowing what the response will be. There are many times that I feel so inadequate-- I'm not sure what to say, or do.  Sometimes the only phrase I can say is "I love you and God loves you."  And I'll be honest with you, that phrase sometimes just feels like it's not enough.  But here's the good thing.  I don't have to be enough.  I am not meant to fill the void, God is.  In every situation, God is enough.  I have to trust that truth.

 It's about being intentional, looking for ways and opportunities to serve those around me.   Like when I'm waiting in a forever line at the grocery store, watching the cashier ringing out the person in front of me, and noticing that there is no sacker in sight.  I could stand there and be impatient, or I could help.  I could walk around to the end and start sacking someone else's groceries for them--pleasantly and without impatience.  It's little things like that.  I do not have to stand there and loudly proclaim that I am a God follower.  I do not have to wear my Jesus saves t-shirt .  I simply have to do something that quietly shows someone that God loves them.  In this day and age of everyone looking out after number one, you would be surprised how far a small, humble act of servanthood goes.  It is so rare, that people stand up and take notice.

"It's about building bridges with those who won't come to (church) on Sunday, not as a project, but because Jesus loves them and told us to."   Jen Hatmaker

"The spirit of mission means that we serve our neighbors long before they are brothers or sisters in Christ.  Putting their needs first, we sacrifice to love them.  We act on their behalf, not with condescension as the Christian who has all the answers, but as their friend."  Jen Hatmaker

"What if we really loved our neighbors and offered a safe place for community in our home, showing them church rather than just inviting them to one?"  Jen Hatmaker

The question is, do I really love people? Really?  Then I have to show it-- to everyone.  Even when it's hard to do.  Especially if it's hard to do.  And sometimes, it's really, really hard. And don't get me wrong-- I have not mastered the art of this yet.  I am not the Jedi Master who has somehow ascended in wisdom and knowledge above all, who never makes a mistake.  Far from it.  I make lots of mistakes.  Lots.  I  am a mistake making machine.  A prime example what not to do.  But I am trying.  I have decided that my house will be a safe place for people.  They are welcome to join us for dinners, and fun, and yes, sometimes hard discussions. You will find a big mix of people at my house at any point in time, from a local dinner and wine group, to a plethora of teenagers, to a mix of  Christian and non Christians friends all gathered at a pool party.  I will be real with people, not trying to portray perfection, because perfection doesn't exist in the real world.  I  will celebrate with, pray with, and weep with those who I come into contact with. I will do my best to share God's grace, mercy, and love with everyone I meet.  To introduce them to what God's love really means.   Because God loves them and I love them.

I'll leave you with another quote by, you guessed it, Jen Hatmaker.

"May intentional servanthood be the basis of all mission, all benevolence, all evangelism, all sacrifice.  I dream of a church that is once again called great, even by our skeptics, because our works of mercy cannot be denied."

Remember that you are always loved by God, no matter what.  You can't outrun His love for you.  There is no where you can go that God's love doesn't shine down on you.  Even if you don't feel it.  Even when you don't see it.  It's there, in silent, but persistent,  pursuit of you.  Because He thinks you are worthy of pursuit.

I'll leave you with a few photos of the La Seu cathedral in Barcelona.  Enjoy.

Flat out Like a Lizard Drinking .. or.. I've fallen and I can't get up

Flat out like a Lizard Drinking is an Australian saying that means one of two things-- One, that you have no more energy and you are laying flat out on the ground like a lizard… or that your are moving full out-- going supper fast-- like a lizard's tongue does while drinking water (this makes sense if it's an Australian lizard since there is a lack of water throughout much of the country).  And no, to answer your unspoken question of why I even know this since I haven't even been to Australia, I have no idea where, when or even why my brain has picked up this useless  bit of information and decided to use up valuable brain space storing it.  My brain is weird.  Truly.  You do not want to ever delve into it's mushy depths and discover what else is housed up there.

Anyway, I digress. This past year, God has been working on something in my heart, in my spirit, and in the last few months, I feel like he has laid me out flat, thus the Flat out Like a Lizard Drinking phrase.  I mean, I have found myself laying flat out on the floor with these heart changes that he is causing.  Thus the reference  to the "Help, I've fallen and I Can't Get Up" phrase.  And to be honest with you, I'm not sure I'm ready to fully stand yet.  My heart has been broken ( in a good, yet hard way).

For me, it all started with a comment I read on Facebook.  I can't even recall exactly what the comment said, or who said it.  But what I do recall was my reaction to it.  It was a comment that at one point in time, I would have halfway agreed with, maybe, on some level.  But for some reason, this time it just struck me as hard, harsh, mean-spirited, narrow, and unloving.  It caused me to physically recoil from my computer. I wanted nothing to do with this statement.  I wanted to put as much distance between myself and this statement as I possibly could.  And, because this statement was made by a Christian, for what is was termed as a "Christian cause", I felt somehow, irrevocably yoked to this statement, because I am a Christ-follower.  ( and I just caught myself here,  notice I used the term Christ-follower to describe myself and Christian to describe the other person?  My natural inclination is to still provide distance  for myself).

Thus began a struggle for me.  I wanted to truly show the love of God to those around me--but I was honestly struggling with being lumped into the general "Christian" group.  I even began to try and distance myself from those who I felt were being overly judgmental and unloving.  My viewpoint was slowly starting to shift a little off center.  I began to read a book by Jen Hatmaker, entitled Interrupted.  As I was reading, I came across this statement in her book and it shook me:

"Standing stubbornly on principle or privilege indicates an immature heart that prefers to be right rather than seek the redemption of his neighbor.  When we lead with doctrine before love, we brutalize the spirit of the doctrine we're prioritizing."  Jen Hatmaker

Immediately my spirit said yes, this is what I'm feeling.  All of those people who are out there shoveling all that "preachy cause, you are not worthy stuff" without first showing love should read this and feel convicted.  You go girl (meaning Jen Hatmaker)!  I'm right behind you (and by right behind you I mean I am cheering for you all by myself in the comfort of my own home, while silently passing judgement on all my other brothers and sisters).

But then I read the following quotes and went to my knees:

"I'm leaving the paradigm that lets me cherry pick the sins that make me most uncomfortable for condemnation while conveniently leaving my personal struggles out of the public sphere."
Jen Hatmaker

Yes, you go……wait a minute, what was that about my personal struggles?  Public? This is getting uncomfortable….

"None of us gets to treat people like expendable articles and expect God to look the other way because it somehow advanced His kingdom or had nothing to do with it.  We can't ignore God's ways and expect to maintain His favor."  Jen Hatmaker

"If we claim affinity for Christ but turn a blind eye to those He identified Himself with, there is no honor in that.  There is no truth in it."   Jen Hatmaker

Uh Oh.  Oh man…. that's me.  These quotes are referring to me.  God is talking to me, about me.  Let me tell you, sometimes when God really focuses on your heart, on the cleaning out of it, it can be a painful and humbling experience.  You see, there were still areas where I was still judgmental, that I held onto tightly, because I felt that I was right.  Oh yes, I was quick to give grace to the stranger I ran into who was far from God, but unwilling to give that same grace to say….my fellow brother/sister in Christ,  or to the Christian mom whose teenager was  in my view "Out of control", or to my own teenage son when he himself made bad/wrong choices.  And in a way that I wouldn't have done to a stranger, I shamed them.  Maybe not loudly, maybe not even verbally or in an outward way, but quietly in my heart.  OUCH OUCH OUCH---

You know what finally put me face down on the floor-- flat out like a lizard drinking?  It was a blog about moms of teenagers in crisis, by, yet again Jen Hatmaker (I'm sorry, but her stuff is really speaking to me right now).  The story shared by one woman in the blog had me weeping.  But then I went and read the other stories that other women wrote in the comments section and began to do the full on ugly cry.  When they voiced the shame they felt, both self-inflicted and inflicted on them by others, I began to sob.  When they voiced the loneliness, the helplessness, their deep and utter sense of failure, my heart fell to the floor.  And it wasn't just the knowledge of what these moms had been through.  I felt a deep sorrow for the lack of God's mercy being shown to millions of people each and every day.  The shame, guilt, helplessness, and sense of failure that people suffer from everyday without anyone showing them the light of God's grace and love.

I began to cry out in sorrow and regret.  Regret for any and every time I failed to show love to someone, anyone, around me.    Sorrow for utterly failing in my mission to show God's love.  So, that's where I've found myself.  On the floor, broken, yet willing to allow God to put me back together in a new and better way.

That's where I'm going to leave this blog today….. not quite finished.  I'll do the second installment later this week entitled… "Getting up off the Floor and moving on."  I'm not even sure why I felt so pressed to share this, because this has been, and continues to be, a very deep personal journey for me.  But, I'm sharing this, in the hope that maybe there is something in here that can be helpful to someone, somehow.  If it doesn't reach out and grab anyone else, it has fulfilled it's purpose in me of providing a catalyst for a deep heart change in me.

I'll leave you with a photo from Croatia.  A country which is recovering from a great war.  And even though war ravaged this country, it is coming back in a more beautiful way.

While there we had an opportunity to drive into the countryside and eat a light lunch at this local families home.  This is not their original house, that was destroyed, burned to the ground, during the war.  However, they have rebuilt the structure, and since all of their olive orchards were also burned (which was their way of generating income), they now host visiting families for lunch while they provide entertainment by singing and playing instruments.  They have rebuilt, and found  a new way to do things. Hmmmmm….