It sure seems like there is a lot of anger out there in the world today. I mean, A LOT. And I find myself unsure what to do about it. Half the time I don't even relate to it. I feel a bit dazed and confused, and frankly, completely turned off by it all. As I was sitting at my desk drinking my coffee and thinking deep thoughts (you can roll your eyes, I just did at myself), I remembered an event that took place in my car around 9 years ago.
It had been a normal day, as I remember it. I had waited at the bus stop to pick Keagan up from elementary school, said hi to my neighbors who were waiting with me.. normal stuff. Then the bus came and Keagan climbed into the car. I think it was raining, so I had offered to give another little boy from Keagan's bus a ride to his house and he accepted. This young man was around 12 at the time. Older than Keagan, but still a kid that Keagan hung with from time to time. Anyway, as Keagan climbs into the car I can see he is upset. Beyond upset. He is steaming. So I ask him how his day was and he began to tell me what was bothering him. It seems another little boy on the bus had been making a comment to Keagan, about Keagan, that was untrue. And Keagan didn't like it. This other boy was also a sometimes friend of Keagan. Now, I don't remember the statement that this other boy had made, but it was some inane comment that was so blatantly untrue like "Your cat is purple," that I immediately dismissed the comment as anything of importance. I mean come on, cats aren't purple. And even if our cat was purple, who cares????? It is stupid thing to be upset over... in my mind anyway. As I begin to express my feelings to Keagan, he is getting more and more upset, and I am getting more and more baffled as to why this one comment has ruined the day.
And that's when the 12 year old boy in the backseat piped up and taught me a lesson about listening. This twelve year old boy looked my son in the eye and said, "It's no fun to feel like you are being treated meanly. I am sorry. I will talk to the boy and ask him to stop." The most simple, and yet healing words ever spoken in my car. And I wanted to hug him and weep at the same time.
"One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say." Bryant McGill
"People start to heal the moment they feel heard." Paul Tillich
You see, my mistake was that while I was listening to the words, I wasn't really hearing the story behind the words. The real story Keagan was saying was this.... "We just moved here, to this new state where I don't know anyone and I'm trying desperately to fit in. I'm off kilter, and I'm trying to find my niche. I'm unsure about myself. I don't feel like I belong. And I sure don't want to be perceived as different in any way, especially when it comes to the color of my cat. Because right now, when I'm trying so desperately to fit in, different is bad. And I'm already different enough. I grew up differently. I speak differently. And I deeply miss my home, where I was known and loved and accepted by people like me."
And so, after dropping off Keagan's friend, we went home. And I apologized to my son for not truly hearing him. And I gave him big hugs. And I didn't try to fix it. I just tried to sit there and listen to what he was really saying, with my heart breaking for him, and to let him know that he wasn't as alone as he felt. That he was deeply loved and valued, and mostly that he was heard.
"Be willing to listen to others and be teachable. You're not right about everything.... nobody is."
And as I look back on that story, and now look ahead to what is happening in our country, I realize that I once again need to learn this lesson. I need to hone my listening skills. I need to look past just the words and really, deeply, hear what people are saying. I need to hear the pain behind the words. I need to understand the story there. I need to be quiet in order to listen. I need to be willing to apologize when I am wrong. I need to courageously be willing to sit beside people in their hurt. And yes, I used the word courage. It takes courage to sit in the painful stuff. It's easy to sit in the joyful. Sorrow, anger, hurt, pain...it's not easy to sit with those feelings. Especially when you don't understand where they are coming from.
So, my prayer is that God will give me a heart that is willing to really hear those around me. And that he will give me the courage and wisdom to sit with them. That's my prayer for this whole country, for this whole world.
I'll leave you with a few photo's of some Hippos from our trip to Africa. Hippos are not to be messed with. They kill more people in Africa than any other wild animal. But, they are amazing. While we were in Botswana, the hippos would come out of the water at night and feed all around our tent. They make these really cool, kind of soft grunting noises while doing so. And that is the noise which put me to sleep at night while there. I loved hearing them. Sometimes... while in that twilight space between awake and asleep at night, I can still hear them softly grunting, foraging for grasses.
This baby got tired of holding herself up, so she just rested on mom.... awwwww.....
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