´e Tutto Buono... It's All Good: September 2016

"The first duty of love is to listen." Paul Tillich

It sure seems like there is a lot of anger out there in the world today. I mean, A LOT. And I find myself unsure what to do about it. Half the time I don't even relate to it. I feel a bit dazed and confused, and frankly, completely turned off by it all. As I was sitting at my desk drinking my coffee and thinking deep thoughts (you can roll your eyes, I just did at myself), I remembered an event that took place in my car around 9 years ago.

It had been a normal day, as I remember it. I had waited at the bus stop to pick Keagan up from elementary school, said hi to my neighbors who were waiting with me.. normal stuff. Then the bus came and Keagan climbed into the car. I think it was raining, so I had offered to give another little boy from Keagan's bus a ride to his house and he accepted. This young man was around 12 at the time. Older than Keagan, but still a kid that Keagan hung with from time to time. Anyway, as Keagan climbs into the car I can see he is upset. Beyond upset. He is steaming. So I ask him how his day was and he began to tell me what was bothering him. It seems another little boy on the bus had been making a comment to Keagan, about Keagan, that was untrue. And Keagan didn't like it. This other boy was also a sometimes friend of Keagan. Now, I don't remember the statement that this other boy had made, but it was some inane comment that was so blatantly untrue like "Your cat is purple," that I immediately dismissed the comment as anything of importance. I mean come on, cats aren't purple. And even if our cat was purple, who cares????? It is stupid thing to be upset over... in my mind anyway. As I begin to express my feelings to Keagan, he is getting more and more upset, and I am getting more and more baffled as to why this one comment has ruined the day.

And that's when the 12 year old boy in the backseat piped up and taught me a lesson about listening. This twelve year old boy looked my son in the eye and said, "It's no fun to feel like you are being treated meanly. I am sorry. I will talk to the boy and ask him to stop." The most simple, and yet healing words ever spoken in my car. And I wanted to hug him and weep at the same time.

"One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say." Bryant McGill

"People start to heal the moment they feel heard." Paul Tillich

You see, my mistake was that while I was listening to the words, I wasn't really hearing the story behind the words. The real story Keagan was saying was this.... "We just moved here, to this new state where I don't know anyone and I'm trying desperately to fit in. I'm off kilter, and I'm trying to find my niche. I'm unsure about myself. I don't feel like I belong. And I sure don't want to be perceived as different in any way, especially when it comes to the color of my cat. Because right now, when I'm trying so desperately to fit in, different is bad. And I'm already different enough. I grew up differently. I speak differently. And I deeply miss my home, where I was known and loved and accepted by people like me."

And so, after dropping off Keagan's friend, we went home. And I apologized to my son for not truly hearing him. And I gave him big hugs. And I didn't try to fix it. I just tried to sit there and listen to what he was really saying, with my heart breaking for him, and to let him know that he wasn't as alone as he felt. That he was deeply loved and valued, and mostly that he was heard.

"Be willing to listen to others and be teachable. You're not right about everything.... nobody is."

And as I look back on that story, and now look ahead to what is happening in our country, I realize that I once again need to learn this lesson. I need to hone my listening skills. I need to look past just the words and really, deeply, hear what people are saying. I need to hear the pain behind the words. I need to understand the story there. I need to be quiet in order to listen. I need to be willing to apologize when I am wrong. I need to courageously be willing to sit beside people in their hurt. And yes, I used the word courage. It takes courage to sit in the painful stuff. It's easy to sit in the joyful. Sorrow, anger, hurt, pain...it's not easy to sit with those feelings. Especially when you don't understand where they are coming from.

So, my prayer is that God will give me a heart that is willing to really hear those around me. And that he will give me the courage and wisdom to sit with them. That's my prayer for this whole country, for this whole world.

I'll leave you with a few photo's of some Hippos from our trip to Africa. Hippos are not to be messed with. They kill more people in Africa than any other wild animal. But, they are amazing. While we were in Botswana, the hippos would come out of the water at night and feed all around our tent. They make these really cool, kind of soft grunting noises while doing so. And that is the noise which put me to sleep at night while there. I loved hearing them. Sometimes... while in that twilight space between awake and asleep at night, I can still hear them softly grunting, foraging for grasses.

This baby got tired of holding herself up, so she just rested on mom.... awwwww.....

Long time, no post. I know. I recently had several people ask me why I haven't been blogging for the past year. And the answer, like life, is a bit complicated. Last year I found out I needed (and had) a life-saving surgery (Thank you Dr. Norman). My son entered his senior year of high school. My husbands job, which has always included some travel, upped his travel schedule. All those reasons contributed to the not blogging issue. But, I guess if I'm honest, I just didn't feel like I had anything more to add. There are some amazing people out there who were saying all the things I was thinking and feeling in ways that were much more elegant than I could. And I'm not one to "muck up the waters" by just adding noise. Let's face it, I will never be (nor have I claimed to be) the most articulate, smart, or eloquent speaker out there. And I will readily admit to sometimes having what some would consider a "low-brow" sense of humor. Case in point, while visiting a certain well-known European museum with my family this summer, my 18 year old son and I spent a little bit of time cackling, in a very loud and American type way, over the body parts that people most often touched in the "touch the art" portion of said museum. You could tell what those parts were because on the brass statues, those parts were well polished. Like I said, refinement and dignity may not walk hand in hand with me at all times. But I felt like I had something to say this month, and I am too long winded to put in in just a regular Facebook post, so here it is..

Because my son is now in college (Go Clemson), I have put in some significant road time driving to visit him and watch the home football games. He is in the marching band and I am loath to miss an opportunity to go and just be obnoxiously proud of him. Back to the subject... while on these road trips we have several high hills that we pass over (I am from Colorado, I know you people call these mountains, hah). We all know the drill while driving over these high places.... all slow traffic-- particularly semi-trucks-- should automatically shoot over to the far right lane so that all of us faster people can pass on by. But recently, on several of these trips, I have been behind a semi-truck who has decided that they want to go faster than the trucks in the right lane, and yet considerably slower than I want to go. And what really irritates me, is that several times they have straddled between two lanes, not committing to either one, and thus making me unsure as to what their next move will be. These lane straddlers are not my favorite people... I admit to getting extremely annoyed at them. Gah!!!! PICK A LANE!!!! And if you pick the fast lane, you better be fast.... God's still working on me and my lack of driving patience.

Now, we also had the experience of driving over in Italy this summer. Now those people are my car driving spirit people. They know how to pick a lane. They pick a lane with a ferocity unknown to drivers in the U.S. They commit to their lane full-throttle, and wholeheartedly, and sometimes with incredibly zealous fervor. Much love to the Italians and their mad driving skills, even if you almost killed me...

Anyway, back to picking a lane. When looking at the recent Facebook posts, watching TV, etc... it's very clear to me that people are "picking lanes" politically and otherwise. In fact, they have a lot in common with the above described Italian method of driving. But the problem is sometimes they are leaving people on the side of the road damaged from road rage. And I find it hard to watch. But, we (as a rule) don't like ambiguity either. We don't like those people who don't seem to pick a lane, or even follow any rules of the road. Don't these people know that there are lines on the road for a reason????

So, here I sit, feeling like I need to commit and pick a lane. But I want to be careful with how I pick the lane. I want to be a safe driver, not causing harm to those around me. And I definitely don't want to be seen as a line straddler, one who won't commit to anything, and thus unclear about where I am going. And so the question becomes, what lane to pick? And what do I do when I reach the parts of the road where the lines are worn thin and hard to see? How do I pick a lane if I can't see the lines?

And so I'm picking my lane. And the lane I'm choosing is labeled "LOVE." I think God clearly told me this was the lane in which I was supposed to operate from.

"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples." John 13:34-35 the message

In this age of murkily political, social, and ethical choices.. how do I pick my lane? It's remarkably simple, and yet extremely hard to consistently carry out. To pick the lane of love. How do I do this lane? It involves some hard to see lines. It's sometimes the slowest lane out there.

I find these words "the same way I loved you" to be the interesting parts of the sentence. So, how did Jesus show his love to others. Well, He showed love to some interesting people. You all realized how crazy John the Baptist probably looked to people right? I mean, he ate weird stuff. He was pretty radical in his clothing choices. He was an interesting character. And yet he was the one chosen to baptize Jesus. Let's talk Zacchaeus. He was wealthy. He was working in conjunction with a government that was cruelly oppressing his own people (i.e. aligned with the wrong political party). He was considered corrupt. He was small in stature (i.e. not considered to be an attractive trait in those times) He was unlikable. And yet, he was chosen to receive love by Jesus. The woman at the well. She was a Samaritan (i.e. an immigrant from an unfriendly country). Her belief system was considered heathen and unclean. She was an adulteress. She slept around with many different men. And, she was a woman. And Jesus chose her as worthy of his love. Jesus chose to love the people around him, regardless of their political offiliation, belief system, ethnicity, career, health, wealth, age, or sex. He chose the lane of love.

And that's the lane I choose. I am not going to choose a side publicly in this political season. Make no mistake, I will vote, and part of voting requires that I pick one. I do not take this lightly. It is a great privilege that has been given to me on the backs of many others who have fought for my freedom. I will examine the candidates closely from the presidential selection all the way down to my state politicians. But I will not make this my lane. My lane is to love those around me, and if I try to straddle the lane of love and a public strong political opinion I'm afraid people will be confused about which lane I'm in. And I want everything in my life to point people toward God's love for them. Pointing people towards one political candidate does not point them towards God and his great love. It just makes my message unclear, and murky, and it creates unnecessary noise and distraction.

You will notice that because I pick the lane of love, I will not pick some of the other lanes that you might think I should be picking. I'm ok with that. I accept that I am at my base a simple person. I am unable to straddle lanes and keep my message clear. So, I chose the lane of love over all others. My goal is to see the people around me and treat them with love, regardless of where they are, who they are, or what they are doing. Sometimes, this is easy for me. There are those who are just easy for me to love. Sometimes this is harder. And I have to use all of my concentration on staying in the lane of love while around them.

And here's the truth about this lane I choose called love. This lane isn't about me. This lane isn't built by me. It's about God. He built this lane, this path, for me to follow. And if you have stuck with this long post and find yourself at the end, please leave with this knowledge: You are greatly, deeply, wonderfully loved. God loves you. If you are struggling to pick a lane, pick this one. The lane of love. Follow it... see where it leads. See for yourself what love can do in your life and the lives of others. It's not always an easy lane, but it leads to a wonderful destination!

And some of you will have skipped down to this part where I post some of my photo's. That's ok. I love you (and relate to you). I will end this with a few of my favorite photo's of some lanes I have traveled on since I last posted. Have a great day!