Inhale/Exhale: Soul Sore Part Two

"I dwell with a strangely aching heart."  Robert Frost

About a year ago, I wrote a blog about being "Soul-Sore."  It seemed at the time that quite a few people could relate to the subject-- this feeling of rawness, soreness of the soul.  And, as I have been inundated (along with the rest of the world) with todays newsreels, I thought it might be a good time to look back and reflect on this Soul Sore feeling to examine what has changed (if anything).

In a lot of ways, things still feel somewhat topsy turvy in the world.  My hope was (and to be honest it still is)  that given some time, people would find a way to at least live with their differences of opinion in a way in which they can treat each other with some measure of respect, some measure of grace, and more than a full measure of love.  If I only used social media, the news on T.V., or the written news, I might despair that this is not happening, that it will never happen.  I might wonder if all sense of reason was forever lost in a deep love of turmoil and self-righteousness.  And I will admit, on the days when I let those things be my only input-- I sometimes feel that way.

I have witnessed friends turn against each other over a difference of beliefs.  I  watch in horror  people taking every opportunity to de-humanize each other-- not thinking about, nor caring, that they are destroying another human being emotionally and physically.  I watch as the loss of life has become so common, so normal, that it goes unreported-- and even worse-- is viewed as not important.  It even seems that we have now turned our wrath on those who might speak up about treating all people, regardless of belief, with dignity, love, and respect.

And it's not just in the U.S. where this is happening.  If you pay attention at all to the world news, you will see that there are several countries in Europe that are dealing with this as well.  In Germany there have been many violent protests around immigration and the refugee crisis that has hit European countries hard.  This has long been a problem in the Middle East where differing religious sects have been waging battle for years.  Africa, Indonesia, Asia, India-- there seems to be no end to this anger, this darkness of spirit.

And I have been hearing another theme weaving it's way through private and public conversations-- weariness.  Deep, soul-soreness that is coming from hearts and souls that are feeling battered and beaten down by this seemingly never- ending battle.  There seems to be no soft spot on which to land.   The things that we used to use as a means to escape -- sports, movies, TV, social media, books, religion, etc... have become strangely embroiled in the battle as well.  People are at once yearning for these safety zones and at the same time always staying geared up for battle because they never know when an attack might come.

We walk around soul-sore, suited up in our armor, with our sword hand ready to defend any perceived incoming attack on our being and we are finding ourselves exhausted, weary, disillusioned, and ready to give up.

And in the midst of this somewhat disheartening reflection... I have been repeatedly coming across these words...

"The best way out is always through." Robert Frost

"So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good.  At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit.  Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith."  Galatians 6:9-10 (the message)

As you may or may not have guessed, I have been revisiting some of my favorite poems by Robert Frost, and so therefore you get to revisit some of his words with me.  Lucky you (written with a sarcastic smile).  And I am fully aware that Mr. Frost had his own shortcomings  (hello, he was a human-- we all fall short), but I do not believe it takes away from the wisdom you can find in written words.  And I feel like most of you are aware of the scripture from Galatians.

So the big question becomes, what do we do?

Everyone will say that the first step is to acknowledge that there is a problem.  Duh.  I think most of us are aware that there is a problem, even the news media has turned this "great divide" into a reportable story.  But stating that the problem exists does nothing to solve it.  In fact, focusing only on the problem  allows the problem to continue to exist-- and it often makes the problem worse. Ever hear of the statement we are what we repeatedly do?

In order to properly address the situation, action is needed.  So back to the question of what do we do?  It's easy to throw our hands up.  To throw in the towel.  To say things like 'I can't control other people and their actions."  But that only makes the problem grow-- and it adds to your feeling of soul-soreness, of helplessness.  I don't know about you, but I always feel better when I can take some kind of action. Some movement forward.

Which leads me to the first word I put in Bold type-- the word through.  The definition for the word through is this:  moving in one side and out the other side,  continuing in time toward the completion of a process or period.  Sounds pretty straightforward right?  But what is missing in that definition is that often  way through is hard.  The way through involves work, like slogging through deep mud.  The way through requires action, forward movement.  Through takes time, through takes perseverance.  And I believe the the most important concept missing in this definition:  The way through takes vision.  You have to be able  to envision the end, the way out... otherwise you are just randomly roaming around with no end in sight-- you won't be going through if you have no vision of the other side.

So my first challenge to myself, and to you is to get a picture in your mind of the other side.  What does the other side look and feel like?  What is the goal?  Let's put this thought on pause for a moment, because I feel like in order for you to get a true vision of the other side, you need to understand the "how" part of the equation.

I feel like these scriptures in Galatians address the how part, the motions we need to take to get through to the other side. The first step in getting through involves gaining control of our emotions. It says to "not allow ourselves to  get fatigued."  What does this mean?  Well, I can't answer that for you, because I think the answer may be different for everyone.  I'll just simply tell you what I do for myself.  I absolutely limit the amount of time I spend watching or reading  the news.  This doesn't mean that I totally block everything out-- because I am a firm believer that knowledge is power and in being informed. It just means that for me, I give it an appropriate level of importance in my day.  I recognize that too much news or bad/hard information influences me in a negative way.  For me, it effects how I view things-- it's like wearing a very dark pair of sunglasses and moaning about how dark everything is on the brightest, most sunny of days. All I would have to do to change my view is to take off my sunglasses.  I have to make a deliberate choice, every day, to balance what I am allowing to influence me.  This is absolutely within my realm of control.  The other part of this is that I try to start my day focused on things that make me feel grateful, things that bring back good memories, things that make we look at this world with wonder.  I am visual, and so part of my morning routine is revisiting and posting some of my favorite memories on social media in the form of photographs. It is a small, insignificant little way of (hopefully) sparking some of those feelings of wonder and gratitude about this world that God has given us in others.  It's also my own little somewhat rebellious way of rebutting all the negative, soul-depressing stuff that goes out and takes place on social media daily.

The next step involves perseverance.  It says "if we don't give up or quit" things will get better.  And there is the tie in with vision-- This sentence describes perfectly the hardness of slogging through with the victory of the vision of the other side.  I would encourage you to meditate on this sentence alone. Don't speed read it.  Let it settle into your bones.  Let it remind you that the hard work is worth it.  Let your soul rise in the hope that the other side is possible.  Let it remind you that we (you and I) play an important role-- that our struggle, that our strength, is needed and valuable and necessary in order for the other side to become a possibility.  And find rest in the acknowledgement that this is hard work.  No where in this sentence does it state that this is easy, that there should not be struggle.  It doesn't deny nor minimize the pain and effort.  It only states that it is worth it in the end.  Be encouraged by this seemingly small, insignificant piece of scripture that is so rich and deep that it will take me another 50 years and beyond to appreciate all it's nuances.  Be encouraged today.  Don't loose sight of the other side!

The last step looks simple, but I believe it is the hardest one of all, "every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all."  You see, what we lose sight of in this battle, in the great war of who is right and who is wrong, is that it doesn't matter.   It's not about me.  It's not about you.   Sometimes I think we get way to focused on ourselves and forget God's true intention for us.  You see, we get really wrapped up in the thought that Jesus died for me.  Which is all true, and has it's place of importance.  But the real scripture says "For God so loved the world..."  Let me ask you this, what happens when you win the argument.. that your point or belief or view or ______ is proven to be right,  and yet you leave behind soul-sore people?  Is that really your purpose?  Is it our purpose to control the thoughts and beliefs of  others or is it to love them?  Let's go back to the benefit of all piece...when all is said and done, do your actions benefit all?  Or do they benefit only those who agree with you? Do your actions help people see Gods great love for them or do they leave them soul-sore?

Let's go even deeper, what does it mean when it says "every time we get the chance?"   Are there limits to this?  Does it really mean every time, or only during certain circumstances?  And if I am going to poke the bear (which I am probably doing right about now with some of these questions) I might as well poke it with the sharp end of the stick... so here it goes.  What if we don't feel "led" by our spirit, or by God, or by instinct or ____, to  take the chance before us to work towards the benefit of all-- does that give us a free pass to bow out?  Ouch.  What if they deserve what is happening to them, am I required to work for their benefit?  What if they hate me?  Do I still need to work for their benefit?  What if they are a criminal, an adulterer, a liar, a politician, an immigrant, a woman, a man, a muslim, a ______?  Still, do I work for their good?  What is the definition of the "all?"  Who is included in the "all?"  Does "all"  really mean ALL? This is the heart of what we are all wrestling with.

We are wrestling with where to draw the lines, should there even be any lines, what is right, what is wrong etc...  And we are losing sight of the goal, the other side, so to speak.  Maybe, just maybe, the goal isn't to solve all the differences of opinion (which I personally think is an unattainable goal at best). Instead, what if our goal involves us being willing to slog through the mess with perseverance and hope,  showing all those we come in contact with the all-encompassing love of God, and with caring and loving hands show them the vision of the other side.

I can't speak for you.  I don't speak for anyone but myself.  But what this past year has shown me and taught me about my own soul-soreness is that that it is most unbearable during the times that I allow myself to lose sight of the other side.  When I allow myself to let go of hope and grip fear tightly in my hands.  When I forget that the person that I deeply disagree with God gave his son to die for.  When thoughts and ideas, and yes, even beliefs become more important than God's love for the people of this world.  That is what really lies at the heart of my soul-soreness.  And I would dare to venture a guess that I am not alone in this.  I am still struggling in this, this figuring out the soul-soreness thing and what I am supposed to do with it.  It's easy to get so caught up in the fray and become angry.  It's also easy to throw my hands up in defeat and say I give up-- you all sort it out yourselves.  It's hard to to stay in the "through."  It's hard to not give up, to not allow myself to become weary, to slog through with determination, keeping my eyes focused on the other side.  Some days I do really well, and some days I fail miserably.

I will leave you with these final words from a  Robert Frost poem and a few nature photos.  The poem brings to my mind the mornings when I wake up and it looks like it's going to be a drizzly, moist, miserable day.  The fog is thick and I can see my breath.  But then the sun begins to work behind the clouds, clearing away the mist and by the afternoon, it's warmth can be felt.

"The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected."  Robert Frost

Sunrise, Outer Banks

Sunrise, Outer Banks

An Afternoon view of Tuscany

The end of a rainstorm in Tuscany

The changing of the leaves in Idaho

Sunset in the Outer Banks

The Diamond Celebration-- A Reflection on 30 years of marriage by an imperfect spouse

So, a few days ago someone  on Facebook made a comment on an old photo and comment of Jeff's.  This photo happened to be the post he put up last year on our anniversary. Well, you know how Facebook is, once someone comments, the photo and post come back into circulation, and we were getting all sorts of amazing well wishes for a Happy Anniversary.  I was very grateful for all the kind thoughts, but I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasn't quite our anniversary yet, just so people wouldn't think something weird was going on.

However, Our 30th Anniversary is coming up at the end of the month, and this whole Facebook thing had me reflecting on our 30 years of marriage (how on earth has it been 30 years already?), so I thought I'd write about a few things I have learned about marriage.  Not a perfect marriage, but a good one all the same. It turns out that I looked up what you are supposed to give each other at 30 years and the "new" rules state that it is diamonds....thus the reason for the title.

So here it goes... 30 Things I have learned about Marriage in 30 Years.... and for full disclosure...we still are practicing getting all these things right and doing them well.

1.  God is an important foundation in your marriage.  A belief in God provides a solid oneness in beliefs and values.  These values and beliefs help you navigate decision making together.  Having God at the core of your marriage also provides you with a solid place to run when things get hard--- and believe me-- things sometimes get hard.  Having at least one core thing (God) that you both believe in is marriage saving.  It may sometimes be the only thing on which you can both agree.

2. Let go of Perfection.  Do not believe the lie that your spouse will always be perfect.  That's a Hollywood myth, and will only foster discontent.  Your spouse is amazingly human, and thus amazingly imperfect.  The good news is that so are you.  You are amazingly human and amazingly imperfect.  You will discover this principle over and over again in marriage.  There's more good news however, a successful marriage does not require two perfect people.

3.  50/50 is also a myth.  Yes, your spouse is your partner.  No, marriage doesn't always look like a 50/50 partnership. Truthfully, there are many times when marriage is a 70/30 or  20/80 or even 60/40.  And sometimes it is 50/50.  But true partnership means picking up the slack when the other person is unable to.  Love means helping each other out.  Love requires that sometimes you are carrying the heavier load.  The good news is that on the days when you can only carry 30% your spouse will step up and in and carry the 70%.  Partnership has nothing to do with making sure the numbers are equal, it has everything to do with making sure that the goal is attained together-- the goal being a healthy and successful marriage.  

4.  Remember that your spouse is your partner, not your enemy.  This should be what you repeat to yourself over and over again, especially when you are in disagreement.  Even when you disagree-- remember to treat them like your spouse, and not your enemy.  You are trying to resolve things, not destroy someone.

5.  Ours.  For us, we decided early on that we were not going to divide things in terms of  his and hers.  The marriage is ours.  It is our relationship.  These are our bills.  It is our budget.  We live in our house.  The term "two shall become one" became a sort of guidepost.  This thinking helped us determine our common goals-- instead of two separate goals, we have one goal that we reach together.  We share the success and we share the failure.  OURS.  Not his, not mine, but ours together.  What we each contribute to the goal may be different, but we both contribute in the ways we can.  And both contributions are important and add value.  This mindset has also forced us to come to agreement about important decisions.  Agreement helps us to achieve our goals and helps us connect to with each other-- it bonds us.

6.  Hold Hands.  This may sound simple, or silly.  But studies show that human touch is a key factor in a healthy satisfying life.  Scientists actually studied the benefits of holding hands and the studies show that simply holding hands lowers your blood pressure, relieves stress, fights feelings of fear, relieves pain, provides security, and boosts bonding.  Holding Hands is a simple way to connect without any expectations or pressure.  Besides, I still really love the simple act of walking beside Jeff, holding his hand.  When we hold hands, we tend to walk slower, talk more, make eye contact more often, and really listen to what the other is saying.  It slows us down.  It focuses us in a small way on each other and on our relationship.  I have even found that when we reach out and hold hands during a disagreement, our words become softer, our discussions more meaningful, and it's harder to fling out hurtful words when you are physically connected.

7.  Learn from other couples who have good marriages.  Look to family members and friends around you who have had long, sustained, successful marriages.  Don't be afraid to ask questions or to ask for advice.  Often, you think that you are the only couple who has faced this issue or problem, and when you talk to others, you discover that you are not alone.  It is also good to know that there are other couples who have faced similar issues and that they managed to overcome them.  Isolation only breeds fear and discontentment.  One note of caution here-- make sure that you find quality couples with which to open up to, not everyone is your friend.  I would suggest finding a good group of married couples in your church.

8. Be your spouses biggest cheerleader, both publicly and privately.  Encourage them, root for them, cheer them on!!!!!  Remember their success is your success!

9.  Do stuff together.  Try new things.  Be adventurous together.  Remember that half of the excitement from a new relationship comes from doing something for the first time together.  Keep that going in your marriage by looking for and seeking out new things to try together.

10.  Have your own hobby.  You do not have to do everything together.  In fact, that gets annoying after a while.  Have your own thing.  Then when you talk to each other, you have something different and new to share with each other.

11.  Talk about money.  It's a hard subject-- and budgeting problems have taken down many a marriage.  It is going to be hard.  It is going to be uncomfortable.  Do it anyway.  Do it honestly.  Make a budget together. It's good for you, it's good for your marriage.  You can do hard things.

12.  Eat dinner together as much as you can.  And put down those cell phones!!!!!  You are there to connect with each other, not social media.

13.  Be honest with each other.  Really honest.  Glossing over things, not being fully honest, opens up the doors for mis-trust and resentment.  If you are struggling with something, it is better to talk it out than to hide it.  Two heads are better than one.  

14.  Dream Together.  Dream of what you want your future to look like.  Dream BIG.  Talking about a future together and future goals keeps you from getting too focused on the minutia and monotony that often comes with everyday life.  Dreaming helps you to look up and look forward.  It also keeps you focused on a future together.

15.  Check in and make time for little connection.  Jeff and I have done a 1-10 rating scale thing for most of our marriage.  The question goes something like this:  On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best) how would you rate our marriage?  Why?  What can we do to make it better?  It's a quick and easy way to check in.  Sometimes you may feel like everything is a 10 only to discover that your spouse is rating it a 7-- and you had no idea.  Sometimes the connection doesn't need or involve such a deep questions.  It could simply be a short text letting your spouse know that you are thinking of them in the middle of the day.  Whatever works for you, just make sure that you "check-in" with each other on a regular basis.

16.  Verbally tell your spouse that you love them and tell them what you find attractive about them-- this isn't always a physical item-- it could be that you love their sense of humor, or their kindness to others.  It doesn't matter, except that they feel like they are still desired by you and attractive to you.  The law of attraction is still in play in marriage.  This practice also reminds you of why you are attracted to your spouse.  Win, win.

17.  Please know that love isn't just a feeling.  Love is deeper and richer and better than just a feeling.  Feelings are fickle.  Those first feelings of love when you are dating, are not the same feelings you have after years of marriage.  Those "first love" feelings are not sustainable.  But love, true, deep, abiding love is sustainable-- it just takes some work.  If you look back on those first "love" feelings-- you probably didn't have to work to feel that way-- you just did.  They just magically appeared.  Real love comes from working together to sustain a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with another person over time-- in spite of their imperfections and flaws.  Love is a building of deep trust and friendship.  Love is commitment.  Love requires grit.  None of these requirements are easy or quick to accomplish.  

18.  Remember to laugh together and celebrate together.  In fact, I think your celebrations should get bigger and bolder as you spend more time together.  Laugh LOUDLY and celebrate  BOLDLY.  Remember, even though marriage is work, it is supposed to be fun as well!!

19.  Sometimes a hug is better than advice.  You don't always need to solve the problem for your spouse.  You don't need to say I told you so.  

20.  Be your spouses Shield Bearer.  In the old days,  a shield bearer was a lightly armored soldier who protected another soldier (usually a higher ranking official) by carryng a protective shield that they placed between the enemy and this soldier they were protecting.  Be that for your spouse, go before them with a shield of protection.  Have their back.

21.  FORGIVE.   FORGIVE.  FORGIVE your spouse.  And remember that sometimes the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one who stands in need of forgiveness.

22.  RESPECT. Respect your spouse.  Treat them with respect.

23.  Compromise.  This ties right back in to #3.  All good relationships require compromise.  It's the name of the game.  Wining isn't always in the win, sometimes the biggest win comes from giving up something in the form of a compromise.  Remember #4-- partner. not enemy.

24.  Be Generous to your spouse.  Be generous with your praise.  Be generous with your time.  Be generous with your words.  Be generous towards your spouse-- generosity breeds generosity.

25. Committed.  Be unwavering in your commitment.  Hold your commitment to your spouse as punishable by death.  A blood oath.  An unbreakable contract or promise.  Be determined and unyielding in your vow.  A spouse that feels secure in your commitment is a happy spouse.

26.  Practice empathy.  It may be hard to be empathetic to your spouse when you have had a horrible day yourself.  Often, we try to one up each other in our tales of how horrid our day was.  Try and stop yourself, and practice being in each others shoes.  Empathy goes hand in hand with understanding and connection.

27.  Pray.  Life is tricky and hard and messy.  And you do not always have all the answers, or even know what the next step is.  Pray.  Pray together.  Pray for each other. This goes back to item number 1.

28.  Love your spouses family.  When you married them, it was a package deal.  Sometimes families mix well and all is good (Jeff and I are very lucky that way, our families get along great), but that is not always the case.  However, honoring your father and mother is still a command.  You honor your spouse when you can honor their family.  A small word of caution-- honoring doesn't mean that you allow or condone abuse, or bad behavior-- but it also means that you understand your spouses feelings about their family and you can honor those in a way that is meaningful to your spouse.

29.  Pick your battles.  Not every battle is a hill that you need to die upon.  Some battles aren't that important.  Battles take their tole on you and your marriage, so make sure you are not battling over every little thing.  Life isn't always black and white, there are shades of grey.  Sometimes you just need to suck it up and move on. If you battle over every little thing;  then the big things, the important things, the relationship ending things, can become so hidden in the midst of the all the battles that you don't even see the killing blow until it is already upon you.

30.  Do the work.  Yes, Jeff and I have made it through 30 years.  Yes, a lot of things are easier than they used to be.  But have no doubt, our marriage still takes work.  It still takes time, and attention, and thought.  But it is worthy work.  It is fulfilling work.  It is often joyful work, because Jeff has brought such joy to my life that I can't even put it all into words.  And I can't ask for a better work partner!

Whew!!!!  Hopefully this helps someone out there.  There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but there are good ones to be found.  We are still building our marriage, and will until the day we die.

To my life partner Jeff, I have loved you, laughed with you, laughed at you, lived with you, grieved with you, and fought battles side by side with you for 30 years.  It's been my greatest and most treasured adventure.  I can't with to see what the next 30 brings!  Love you infinity! Oh, and he knows me so well, no diamonds for our 30th, but a trip together instead.  Travel is my love language ;)

I'll leave you with a few photos of some of our life together-- nothing stunning-- just a brief glimpse into a 30 year relationship and some of our fun adventures!

Jeff hanging with the Meerkats in the Kalahari, South Africa

 Waikiki, Oahu (2009-- look how young Keagan is-- that's the year he learned to surf with Jeff)

Jeff fishing off of the North Shore, Oahu

Jeff and Keagan at Keagan's Basic Training graduation

Jeff playing the drums in the Animal Kingdom, Walt Disney World

Paddle boating in Breckenridge, CO

Jeff at the blowhole in Maui

Jeff and Keagan clowning around at Epcot, WDW

Jeff and I kayaking in Biscayne Bay, FL

Jeff and I in Oahu

 St.Mark's square in Venice, Italy

Jeff and Keagan and that time I signed us up for an "authentic" Roman meal while in Ephesus, Turkey.  Had no idea that they were going to throw us into togas and fake laurel wreath headbands. Don't they look thrilled?

 Eating Baklava until we were sick in Mykonos, Greece

Exploring the  Catalonian Mountains in Spain

On top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa (do you see the look of terror in Jeff's eyes?)

Snorkeling in  St. John, USVI

Dogsledding on top of the Denver Glacier in Alaska

Watching icebergs melt in Tracy Arm Fjord in Alaska

Filming the sunset in Sabi Sand, South Africa

That trip where I decided that seeing an Opera  would be fun in Venice, Italy.  Jet lag is a thing and Opera didn't help that.....

Wearing the conehead poncho's because it's very wet at Victoria Falls in Zambia

Sitting on top of the roof of the Duomo in Milan, Italy.  Again, Jeff is not so thrilled-- Jeff and heights have a hate/hate relationship.

Waiting in the long line to see the Notre Dame in Paris

Much walking in Munich, Germany

Visiting Kennebunkport, Maine with about 5 million other people...

One of my favorite photos of my main man in Botswana, Africa

More walking in Melk, Austria

Certaldo in Italy-- right before we climbed a gazillion stairs in the hilltop towns of Tuscany.. more walking

More walking in the Gardino di Boboli in Florence, Italy.

It's All About the View...

We recently visited Waianapanapa State Park in Maui.  And this is just one of the many glorious, mind-blowing viewpoints from this incredible park.  Literally, we got out of the car and from the moment we started walking along the trails all I could say was WOW!  The combination of black volcanic rocks, the bright green foliaged, the white sea foam, and brilliant blue ocean water was just so visually stunning that I was at a loss for words.  It is a place that calls for you to stop and just breathe it all in.

Places like this constantly amaze me.  I find myself in awe at the creativity God used when he made this amazing planet that we live on.  The views so are varied and diverse.

The view from the Danube River in Austria.

 

A view of Venice from a canal bridge.

A large Sociable Swallows Nest in a Camel Thorn Tree in the Kalahari Desert in South Africa.

The Sawyer Glacier in Tracy Arm Fjord in Alaska.

Each of the views in the above photos are (in my opinion) stunning.  But they are beautiful in vastly different ways. I have found in life that people are drawn to certain views.  Some people are what I call "mountain" people-- they have a deep love and appreciation for mountain views.  Other's are "Ocean" people-- they are drawn to and enjoy views of the ocean.  And some people are drawn to great architecture, some to deserts, and on and on.  

Now, if I am an "ocean view" person, does that mean that  what the "mountain view" person views as beautiful isn't beautiful?  I'm going to ask you to hold that thought for a minute and follow me to a seemingly different conversation.

Ephesians 2:14-18, the Message

"The Messiah has made things up between us so that we're now together on this, both non-Jewish outsiders and Jewish insiders.  He tore down the wall we used to keep each other at a distance.  He repealed the law code that had become so clogged with fine print and footnotes that it hindered more than it helped.  Then he started over.  Instead of continuing with two groups of people separated by centuries of animosity and suspicion, he created a new kind of human being, a fresh start for everybody.  Christ brought us together  through his death on the cross.  The cross got us to embrace, and that was the end of the hostility.  Christ came and preached peace to you outsiders and peace to us insiders.  He treated us as equals, and so made us equals.  Through him we both share the same spirit and have equal access to the Father."

This was the scripture that our pastor started out with on Sunday.  I had been giving this blog some serious thought for a month or so now, and here comes this amazing piece of scripture... that I had probably read several times before, and yet it hadn't hit me or grasped me yet.  I love that when it happens!

But, back to the story...While our pastor was talking specifically about racial issues, this scripture hit me on a broader level.  Everywhere I turn I am inundated with disagreement.  Don't get me wrong, it's not that disagreement is wrong.  It's just that the level of disagreement seems to have taken a decidedly hostile turn.  And when I read this scripture, the word hostile stuck out.

The word hostile is defined as:  unfriendly, antagonistic, opposed.  It is also defined as unkind, bitter, unsympathetic, malicious, vicious, rancorous, venomous, poisonous, and virulent.  Wow!  Does this definition strike a cord with anyone else out there?  It sure does with me.  I watch the interactions between people who disagree play out on T.V., on social media, even in traffic, and it feels very much like hostility.

And let's be clear, this isn't a blog about how we should all come together and agree on everything-- because I don't believe that's realistic.  Instead, I want to address why we feel so comfortable with reacting in a hostile way towards each other.  

I think the problem is in our view--we have somehow lost focus and we have forgotten to look at this amazing view right in front of us.  It's like standing upon a cliff, overlooking a green valley, with the most amazing sunset of all existence right there in front of us-  and instead of looking up and seeing the beauty, we are instead looking down at the dirt beneath our feet and thinking about how dirty our shoes are going to be when we leave.  We are missing it!

What's the view we are missing?  We are missing that every person we meet, every single one, is made and deeply loved by God.  And not only that, but that God's whole purpose of the cross was not to bring more division and disagreement into this world, but instead to unite us.  For although we may still have vastly different viewpoints, we can all be reconciled through our love for God and through God's vast love for us.

Once we change our viewpoint to where the first thing we see when we look at each other is that this person in front of me is God's beloved, we can then take steps towards appreciating other viewpoints. Some of the most incredible interactions with other people have taken place when I have taken the time to sit down with those who are different than me and listened to their stories.  When I become more focused on them as a human, rather than focusing on wether or not we agree or view things in the same way, the peace that is talked about in the above scripture comes into play. I learn the most amazing things about people when this happens.

I'll share just a few stories:

Recently I met an incredible woman from Germany.  This woman is a Geothermal Scientist.  She came to Hawaii for a conference ( I can only imagine the way-over my head discussions that took place at this event).  She (along with her husband) had decided that since they were traveling so far, they might as well vacation  there following the conference.  Oh, did I mention that I met her while putting on wetsuits (which is a vastly humbling experience, especially when doing it in a group of 20 or so strangers) to prep for our night time Manta Ray snorkel.  She had come by herself because her husband was not into the water thing.  And this was only her second time snorkeling in all her life.  She confessed to being extremely nervous, but also excited to try something different and new.  Let me interject that Manta Rays can get up to 14 feet across and weigh well over 1,000-2,000 pounds.  And this was happening at night.  In the ocean.  I have no idea what her beliefs were.  No idea where she fell politically. No idea what she thought about the U.S. as a country.  I had no idea where she fell socioeconomically.  She is certainly by far much smarter than I will every be-- Geothermal Scientist, remember? But what we had in common?  Besides being human, we were  in it to see some amazing Manta Rays.  And see them we did!  And in this random hour and a half I spent with her I  learned from her. You know what I learned from this lady?  How to be brave.  How to take risk.  How to embrace where you are wholeheartedly.  Here she was, in a foreign country, speaking a language that was not her native one, trying something new-- that was a little frightening to her, and doing it on her own, with a group of total strangers.

While in Croatia, we had the privilege to visit and eat at a local family farm just outside the town of Dubrovnik.  This family had an amazing and heartbreaking story.  In the early 1990's they went through the Croatian War of Independence.  During this time, their family farm was burned to the ground, including all of their Olive Trees, which was their source of income.  Forced to leave their home, along with many others, they crowded into local hotel rooms trying to avoid the fighting and keep their families safe.  They lived for several years, inside these cramped hotels, until the fighting was finally over and they were allowed to return home.  Upon their return, they found that everything had been looted and burned.  They had to start over.  And so they did.  They rebuilt the farmhouse and other structures.  They replanted their fields, but because of the soil conditions, and how long it takes Olive Trees to bear fruit ( from 5 - 12 years), they had to change what they grew. As you can imagine, they needed to figure out a way to generate income.  Interestingly enough, Croatia had now become a sort of tourist destination now that the war had ended.  And so this enterprising family came up with a plan.  Not only were they going to grow and sell what they could produce on the family farm, but they were going to open up their facility and host tourists for dinners.  While we ate this amazing fresh farm to table food, several family members played and sang music.  And they were incredibly gifted.  I learned resilience, perseverance, and the value of joy through hard circumstances from this wonderful Croatian family.

Those are just a few of the many stories I could share.  People are amazing!  Their stories are amazing!  

 My prayer and challenge for myself and for you is that we don't miss it!  That we don't get so caught up in hostility, so focused on our differences, focused on being right, focused on justifying our position, so focused on being righteous, that we miss the view. And all you have to do is to remain focused on the right view, focus on viewing people the way God views them.

I may still be drawn more to "ocean views" but that doesn't take away from the beauty of the "mountain views" that you love.  And we can all agree that God has given us an incredible world with some amazingly breathtaking views!

I'll leave you today with a few more photo's of some more gorgeous (in my opinion) views.  Have a great day!

The rainforest surrounding the Mendenhall Glacier near Juneau, Alaska

Maui, Hawaii

The Residenz in Munich, Germany

The Medieval Town of Cesky Krumlov in the Czech Republic

The Jefferson memorial in D.C.

Cape Neddick Light House in York, Maine

 Tuscany, Italy

Dubrovnik, Croatia

Mykonos, Greece

Ephesus, Turkey

Montserrat, Spain