Okavango Delta, Botswana, Africa
I was deep in a heavy hearted discussion with my husband the other day... struggling to find the appropriate words to describe how I have been feeling this year.. and I came up with the phrase Soul Sore.. and it just seemed to fit. It fit not only how I am feeling, but I also think it fits how our nation and even our world is feeling this year.
I would define or describe Soul Sore as walking around with a bruise so deep that it reaches down to the core of your being-- clear down into the depths of your soul. It's not a gaping wound, but it's a sore spot that seems to linger.. and every once in a while something brushes up against it and causes it to throb. It doesn't always sit out in the open like an open wound, but it never quite leaves you-- never quite heals up all the way. Soul Sore-- it's a deep sorrow that lingers and clings to you, not always up front and on view, but always there. Soul Sore. Dulling the joy, and heightening the pain.
Some of my Soul Soreness is coming from my personal life... my mother is nearing the end of her 12 year battle with cancer, and my Soul is Sore and aches for her physical pain and the emotional pain of my whole family. My son is growing into an adult and making both good and bad decisions and I worry, as all mothers do during this transition time... Soul Sore for the bad decisions, yet glad for the good ones.. and balancing how much and when to step in and give advice and help. Soul Sore for friends who are going through tough and hard times, both physically and emotionally. Soul Sore for other family members struggling with health issues. Soul Sore because I know that there are other endings coming our way, ones that are being added to our very full calendar and I am not at yet at liberty to discuss, even as I write this blog.
Soul Sore over the endless anger and pain that seems to be pouring out of everyone in our country right now. Soul Sore over the loss of life caused by senseless acts of anger. Soul Sore over the problems arising from several natural disasters. Soul Sore over the fact that there are millions of people displaced in this world due to wars and famine. Soul Sore over the violence, hunger, thirst, and despair that still stalk our planet.
Oh dear God, some days my Soul is Sore.
I believe the following verses in Psalm describe this feeling, this Soul Sore feeling...
"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted." Psalm 77:1-2
If you are in this place, this place of Soul Soreness, I hear you. I understand it. I know it can be overwhelming. I have lived there (and sometimes to be honest, I still do, in moments of time, struggle there... this Soul Soreness hits me sometimes without warning). It is raw. It isn't pretty. But it's real.
I have learned a few things about life (not everything but a few things). At least for me, I've learned that there are some years that leave a mark on you-- some may call it a scar. Whatever you may call it, it will be permanently etched into the fiber of your being. For me, and for many of you as well, 2017 is going to be one of those years. Denying it doesn't change that fact. Acceptance of what is helps you to move to the next step, which involves finding some way to have peace about the situation. Now, finding peace doesn't mean that you still won't feel the pain, it just means that you find a way to keep moving through the pain-- that you don't let the feeling of Soul Soreness overtake you to the point where you just stop everything... stop moving forward, stop living life, stop enjoying life.
The question then becomes, how do you find peace in the middle of Soul Soreness? How do you find the balance? How do you balance the tension that occurs naturally between being Soul Sore and yet at peace? It's a good question, and there are no easy answers. This is what I have been doing personally to help me deal with this Soul Soreness I am experiencing.
Prayer. When I am feeling overwhelmed-- instead of immediately praying for help -- I have shifted into saying a simple prayer of "Thank you God." Sometimes I thank Him for specific things, but often, in that first moment of feeling overwhelmed and sore, the only prayer I get out of my mouth is "Thank you God." And I repeat it as long as it takes, as often as it takes, for me to begin to feel some relief from the throbbing soreness.
I am honest with a few close friends about where I am at and how I am feeling, and ask them to pray for me. And I pray for them. Shared burdens help lighten the load. Isolation only adds to the feeling of Soul Soreness. Sharing the load with someone else is like adding a balm that soothes away some of the pain. I am trying to be careful to not overshare or over burden, but I have fantastic friends who step up beside me anytime I ask (and often when I don't ask but they see that I need it).
I found inspiration from the following scripture,
" I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all you mighty deeds." Psalm 76:11 &12
I am being deliberate in seeking and finding the good stuff. I am purposefully re-posting photos on my Facebook and Instagram account of all the amazing things I have seen in this world, all of the beauty that surrounds us all, all the good memories with family and friends. I am reminding myself daily of how blessed I am. I make time daily to surround myself with something enjoyable, something I find beautiful. I am meditating on the good and beautiful all around me. I start my day, in my office surrounded by my favorite photos and memories, reading about God's goodness in the Bible. The rest of my day may suck, but I try to always begin the day with goodness and joy. This practice provides good fuel for my soul for the rest of the day.
And that's it, really. It's a balancing act and some days I am better at it than others. So, although I am Soul Sore, I am also at peace.
I don't know if this helps anyone else out there. I only know that it has helped and continues to help me. This blog is as much for me as it is for anyone else. It helps me verbalized and think about all that is going on in life. I hope you find a measure of peace today in this soul weary, soul sore world. To be fair, I need to state that I am not living in a constant state of sad, not by a long shot. I feel more joy than sorrow on most days. But sorrow needs to be acknowledged as well. I'll leave you with a few photos and verses today that provide me with a sense of God's goodness and peace. Have a good week!
Maine
"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11
Munich, Germany
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."
Psalm 27:13
Outer Banks
"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure, the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places: surely I have a delightful inheritance. " Psalm 16:5-6
Germany
"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." Psalm 13:5
Venice, Italy
"Taste and see that the Lord is good." Psalm 34:8
Florence, Italy
"To the faithful you show yourself faithful." Psalm 18:25
Luca, Italy
"True Wisdom and real power belong to God; from him we learn how to live and also what to live for." Job 12:13
Notre Dame, Paris
"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Kalahari, South Africa
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the works of his hands." Psalm 19:1
Saint Chapelle, Paris
"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
Isaiah 26:3
West Virginia, my neighborhood
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
